7 Portable Bidets That Will Make You Rethink Butt Hygiene
From a butt health perspective, toilet paper typically doesn't get you as clean as a bidet—and that can lead to things like hemorrhoids and a condition called itchy anus (no thanks). And environmentally speaking, toilet paper is not sustainable. Nearly 15 million trees a year get cut down to make toilet paper, and about 30,000 trees get flushed per day. Normalize spritzing your butt clean with water. I sorted through the portable bidets—and all of the bathroom puns and poop-lingo used to market them — to find the best ones.
The best portable bidets you can take with you wherever you go
Tushy bidets are reasonably priced and aesthetically pleasing (you know, for a thing whose purpose is to spray bits off your butt). Their travel bidet is collapsible, and doesn’t require any batteries. As one reviewer put it, “This bad boy is treating me right.”
“Dorothy couldn’t live without her Toto and neither can I,” one reviewer writes. Poetry. I don’t think there’s anything else to add here other than you can either have it cleanse you with a steady stream or manually pulse it.
My ex-boyfriend’s parents’ house used to have the fanciest toilet I’ve ever seen. (The seat heated up!) Of course there were several bidet options. This portable bidet, currently on Kickstarter, feels like the portable version of that toilet. It’s got a minimalist design, antibacterial nozzle, and four pressure settings.
There are some delightfully strange marketing images for this bidet, like an image featuring a cheese grater, roll of toilet paper, and a peach with some dried fruit against a pastel background to convey that toilet paper is rough on your butt (I assume). This squeeze-bottle portable bidet comes in three colors: white, light green, and teal.
This is not the prettiest of the bunch, but it is a battery-free option that doesn’t require you to squeeze (you simply press a button), and it has an angled nozzle.
This under-$20 squeezable handheld bidet has an angled nozzle that’s also retractable so as to be travel-friendly. Perfect to use when you’re all wiped out. *exaggerated wink* (And I tried so hard not to use a bad pun.)
For when you really want to feel like a bidet baller, consider this upscale option. Its design is sleek and discreet, and you’ll get dozens of uses out of a single charge.
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