Welp, We’ve Been Interpreting This Common Body Language Sign All Wrong
- Jo Hayes, etiquette expert, consultant, and speech-language pathologist
- Nicole Moore, body language expert
- Patti Wood, body language expert
"There are over 50 different kinds of arm crosses," body language expert Patti Wood says, adding that yes, "some have an element of self-soothing.” Wood explains that “Typically that means that the arms are folded, and the hands are wrapped around the arms to maximize touch and to self-hug."
"There are over 50 different kinds of arm crosses." —Patti Wood, body language expert
Of course, there are other reasons people might rock folded arms in social settings or alone. "There are arm crosses that help you block out extraneous stimuli that are used, for example, with people with ADD," Wood says. "There’s also arm crosses that close you down in negative situations as self-protection. The list goes on and on."
Since we’ve already covered tips including what body language showing love looks like, what the body language of liars looks like, and more, it only makes sense to also explain one of the most maligned body language cues of all: folded arms. Here’s what the experts have to say about the meaning behind folded arms.
Myths about arm folding
If someone folds their arms, they’re angry
Folded arms “[do] not necessarily mean that someone is angry,” says etiquette expert Jo Hayes, a speech-language pathologist and founder of Etiquette Expert. What folded arms actually are are a reflection of a “closed, reserved, or apprehensive attitude,” she says. “It’s a physical barrier that reflects an inner emotional barrier…to protect/shield the person from a potentially unpleasant, or unwelcome person, emotion, or situation.”
In fact, “many times, crossing arms is a sign that someone is so comfortable with you that they don’t have to put up appearances and they can just lean back and relax,” says body language expert Nicole Moore. “To many, crossing arms just feels comfortable much like crossing legs when being seated does,” she adds.
It means someone has a crush on you
If you’ve also ever heard the myth that someone folding their arms around you actually means they’re harboring or trying to repress the secret crush they’ve got on you, you’re not alone. However, this may not be as true as the tween magazines of our youth led us to believe. Folded arms rarely simply mean that the person has a crush on you, Hayes says, “unless they’re also nervous or uncertain around you because they have a crush on you.”
Why people really fold their arms
When it comes to reasons people fold their arms, there are several, ranging from needing to feel a subconscious need for protection, to feeling bored, to trying to feel important, and more. Here’s what the experts say.
1. They feel a subconscious need for protection
“Often, if one is feeling uncomfortable, anxious, or insecure, they might fold their arms as a way to shield themselves from others,” says Moore. She also adds that “it’s important to note here that just because someone has arms crossed in front of you does not mean that they are attempting to shield themselves from you in particular, but rather, they might just be feeling uncomfortable in general and in need of protection.”
2. They’re feeling boredom or fatigue
“People sometimes cross their arms as a way to relieve physical or mental exhaustion or to give their hands a place to rest when they are bored,” Moore also adds.
3. They’re trying to feel important or more powerful
While it’s true that folded arms don’t always mean that someone is being cold or standoffish, sometimes people do cross their arms in order to give a sense of importance, Moore notes. When folded arms are “combined with keeping the neck long and the head straight, it can give the feeling of surveying what’s in front of you from a higher and stronger position,” she adds, explaining that people who do this may do so to feel more powerful
4. They’re blocking out stimuli
As Wood noted above, sometimes people may cross their arms to block out external stimuli. Folding arms in this fashion may help people feel more safe and contained, and thus make it easier for them to process what is happening around them.
5. They’re cold
This reason doesn’t get enough attention, when you consider how often you might actually cross your arms because of it. But of course, as Hayes adds, sometimes people just fold their arms in public because they’re cold. After all, crossing your arms to serve as a little built-in vest to keep your organs warm is pretty efficient.
6. They’re anxious
As noted above, sometimes people fold their arms because they’re self-soothing, or otherwise feel the need to feel protected. This is especially true for people who may be anxious or dealing with social anxiety. Having folded arms can make you feel less vulnerable—and when you’re already feeling vulnerable in a social situation, anything helps.
7. They’re tense
Similarly to feeling anxious, Hayes adds that people might also fold their arms because they’re feeling tense. I know, I for one have definitely found myself standing against the countertop with folded arms when in the middle of a tense argument.
8. They’re apprehensive
Finally, Hayes also adds that another reason people may fold their arms is because they’re feeling apprehensive, or otherwise tense, insecure, uncertain, or afraid.
How to determine why someone is folding their arms
Given the myriad of reasons someone might fold their arms, how do you tell the real reason someone has folded arms? You might have to look at their other body language, say the experts.
The best way to determine the reason someone is folding their arms is to look for context clues in other parts of their body language, Hayes recommends. “Body language is as powerful as verbal language, when it comes to interpersonal communication,” says Hayes. “Our facial expressions and posture reflect our thoughts, opinions, and emotions often more accurately than our spoken words,” she adds.
This is why when trying to figure out why someone has folded arms, it's so important to look to the rest of their body (and maybe even their face) for more clues. “What is their facial expression telling you? Are they smiling, frowning, fearful-looking? These facial expressions will help clue one into the reason for a person’s folded arms,” Hayes says.
“If someone is folding their arms with a tense, tight mouth and squinted eyes, then it’s safe to assume that person is cold or angry,” Moore adds. “However, if someone has folded arms but they are leaning their body toward you or they’re looking you directly in the eyes with soft eyes, then their crossed arms are likely just for comfort and not to separate themselves from you,” she adds.
Likewise, if someone is folding their arms and harboring a crush on you, they might have a flirty smile or keep fluttering their eyes at you while their arms are crossed, Moore says. Therefore, it really is best to look at other context clues about body language to get a clearer idea of why someone’s arms may be folded.
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