Have a Hotter, Better Sex Life: 9 Expert Tips for Couples

January is always a good time to do some future planning, so why should one of the best areas of life be excluded? Now’s the time to think about how you can level up your sex life in the coming 12 months and beyond. The thing is, while wanting better (or more frequent) sex is a start, it isn’t adequate on its own to actually take you there, according to licensed psychologist and sex therapist Shannon Chavez, PsyD, CST. “Changing your routines around sex and incorporating new sex and relationship habits, rituals, and fun, however, will directly benefit your sex life,” she says.

With that, we asked Chavez and other sex and relationship experts what pleasure practices they recommend implementing for the (ahem) coming year.

1. Put a weekly date on your calendar

The first stop in connecting in bed is connecting outside of the bedroom. “By prioritizing emotional connection and presence, you show that you are committed to spending time together, slowing down, and exploring all aspects of what feels good—not just sex,” says Chavez. Putting a recurring weekly date night (or date day!) into both calendars is a great way to ensure an out-of-the-bedroom connection.

2. Make time for a relationship check-in

Unresolved conflict is the ultimate cockblock, according to Chavez. Whether it is disagreements around money or the distribution of household labor, left unaddressed, relationship issues often lead individuals to put up emotional barriers that manifest in sexual disinterest, she says. “Addressing these relational factors makes it safer and more secure to move into goals around sexual needs and desires,” says Chavez.

One way to prevent resentments from snowballing is to have a recurring monthly (or bimonthly) relationship audit. This allows you to chew through—and hopefully extinguish or troubleshoot—emerging problems before they spiral.

3. Schedule intimacy

Even if you agree that sex should be a priority, odds are that you don’t give it precedence the way you do dental cleanings, meetings with your tax accountant, or even catch-up coffee with your friends. One of the best ways to guarantee that you’ll make time for these sensual joys is to literally put them into your calendar, according to psychotherapist Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT, an expert at the sexual wellness awards platform SXWA.

“Scheduling dedicated ‘us time’ where the goal is simply to connect, physically and/or emotionally, can help us hold true to our commitment to be more intimate,” says Berkheimer. To be clear: you aren’t scheduling sex, exactly, as that creates pressure around that moment, which often interferes with arousal and leads to disappointment, she says. Instead, you are simply carving out time amidst your busy schedule for connection of any kind.

Even better? Tinker with the timing of your amorous appointments. While most people consider intimacy to be an evening activity, “a morning session or lunch break rendezvous, if you work from home, can both be very enjoyable,” says Rebecca Alvarez Story, sexologist and founder of Bloomi, a sexual education platform and intimacy brand. She says that this kind of experiment may teach you that your lovey-dovey window is earlier or later in the day than you might have thought.

4. Join (or start) a sex and relationship book club

Sadly, communication classes aren’t a high school prerequisite alongside calc and classic lit. As such, “many of us are navigating the intricate landscape of relationships without a strong base of knowledge, which often leads to misunderstandings, unmet expectations, and conflict,” says Berkheimer.

Thankfully, many resources on effective communication and emotional intimacy provide the tools to build strong foundations in partnerships.

One way to hold you and your boo accountable is to create a book club. Each month, you can read a book about communication, sex, or intimacy topics and then spend a date night discussing them. Consider books like Come Together by Emily Nagoski, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, and Mating In Captivity by Esther Perel—all great picks. If you’re not a bookworm or feel overwhelmed by the commitment of a sex text, Alvarez Story suggests signing up for the newsletters put out by sex educators, attending online workshops, or listening to relationship and sex podcasts.

5. Sign up for a sex toy subscription

You might want to bring a few new products into the bedroom, like arousal serums, vibrators, thrusters, latex panties, and even leather cuffs.

If you and your partner haven’t ever used a sex toy together, a lubricant and external massager are great places to start. Store-bought lube, which replicates the slick- and slippery-ness of body-made vaginal lubricant, can decrease friction and increase pleasure. “Lube can also increase sensitivity and boost blood flow,” says Alvarez Story. Meanwhile, external vibrators (e.g., wand massagers, G-spot vibrators, clitoral toys) have a motor that enables them to stimulate any external hot spots at speeds, consistencies, pressures, intensities, and durations that the human body simply cannot, she says.

You could also sign up for a monthly sex toy subscription box from Arya, Seductive Pleasures, or KinkBox, which will allow you to try new pleasure products at a discounted rate every single month.

6. Purchase some sex furniture

Most sex toys are small enough to be stored away in a bedside drawer, which means they—and your goal of better sex—are at risk of being forgotten about. Sex furniture, however, is too damn big to get ignored.

The benefits of buying a piece of sex furniture go way beyond visually calling up your commitment. “One of the most common issues people deal with during sex is not being able to get comfortable, no matter what position,” says Chavez. Pleasure furniture, such as benches, pillows, wedges, and other aids, are all designed to physically support your body in positions neither regular ‘ole furniture nor your muscles can, she explains.

Sex furniture comes in all shapes and sizes, so you’ll need to reflect on what type will benefit your sex life the most. A sex pillow or wedge is a must if neck pain keeps oral sex off the menu, while a sex lounge or chaise is optimal for redistributing body weight to increase access to the genitals.

7. Get a sex therapist

Even as talk therapy becomes increasingly normalized to support mental health, some stigma surrounding sex therapy remains—but it shouldn’t. Sex therapy is for anyone who wants to chew through coitus in any way, shape, or form. “Working with a sex therapist can be helpful for gaining additional sex education, learning how to address sexual barriers or relationship conflicts, and setting a framework of sexual empathy with your partner so everyone feels comfortable sharing their sexual interests,” says Chavez.

A quick Google search for sex therapists in your area can give you the names of potential options near you. Inputting your zip code into either the Psychology Today or ASSECT search database will work, too.

8. Chat with your doc about any sexual concerns

If you or your partner are struggling with new, worsening, or ongoing sexual dysfunction, including erectile dysfunction or low sex drive, talk with your healthcare provider. “Because sexuality is usually left out of the conversation, many people don’t realize that physiological issues and hormonal imbalances can wreak havoc on sexual functioning,” says Chavez. Medication or dosage changes, certain contraceptive methods, and underlying health conditions can also cause low libido.

These are all expert-suggested tips but know that each relationship is different and requires its own set of adjustments. Whatever you decide, know that just by reading this, you’ve taken the first step to a more satisfying (and hopefully spicier) 2025.