The one breathing technique that’ll elevate your orgasm, according to a holistic sex coach

If you’re stuck in the isolation sex doldrums, you’re probably exhausted trying to seek out your pleasure. You go down dirty Google rabbit holes: should I make my partner twist me like a pretzel and see if it does anything for me? Or invest in a curvy new sex toy since the my previous 11 vibrators do nothing for my vagina anymore? You feel like you’ve tried it all, regardless of relationship status, but have you really explored the simple link between your breathing and orgasm?

Yes, according to Kim Anami, holistic sex coach and host of the Orgasmic Enlightenment Podcast, the key to any mythical sexual experience is both free and so accessible you literally need it to live. “And while it might seem almost too simple, most people don’t consciously use their breath during sex and even go as far as to restrict it,” she says.

That checks out, actually, especially if you’re tumbling with someone else (or, lucky you, several someone else’s). Your breath tends to become more labored, all panting, sweating, wishing you poured a glass of water before you jumped into this full body work out. But if you’re not sure where to begin, because there’s effortless breathing and then there’s conscious breathing, Anami has a simple, foolproof technique.

“I have a challenge for you—the next time you have sex try practicing a four-count inhale and a four-count exhale from beginning to end, and starting during foreplay,” says Anami. “As you’re breathing deeply, imagine energy moving from your heart to the other person’s heart. If self-pleasuring, focus on deep breathing throughout, but especially near and during orgasm.”

Amani notes that when you’re doing this conscious breathing “you’re promoting blood flow [to the genitals], and circulating your potent sexual energy throughout your body instead of restricting it,” leading to stronger, better orgasms and heightened pleasure throughout.And hey, there’s no reason to keep this sex tip for yourself! If your partnered with a dude, Anami says that breathwork gives them the stamina to actually last longer in bed. That’s good news for your orgasm, too, since it usually takes women in stable, partnered, heterosexual relationships about 14 minutes to climax on average. Like, adorable for men to keep trying, but they historically tend to need less things than us in order to climax.

That’s another big selling point to incorporating breathwork into your sex life: it keeps you present. Right now it can be difficult to really feel sexy when we’re in a deeply un-sexy state of peril, our overwhelming stay-at-home tasks piling up. COVID-19 anxiety can not only cloud your mind, but impact your sex drive. So even if you’re not in the mood when you slip in to sex play, this simple practice can relieve your stress and tensions, putting you in a higher mindset to appreciate each sensation.

“Breathwork calms an overactive, distracted mind—grocery lists, news updates, you name it—and brings you back into your body and the present moment to relax into pleasure and orgasm,” says Anami.

So before you go down another rabbit hole or add another buzzy friend to your collection, just breathe.