How to Deal With Burnout When You Can't 'Just Quit'

There’s no denying it: Checking out is having a moment. More than two years ago, the term "quiet quitting" bubbled up from the tumultuous depths of the COVID-19 pandemic to describe scaling back as a form of self-care. It became a second chapter to the so-called Great Resignation that started in 2021 and saw workers leaving their jobs en masse—mostly citing low pay or poor mental health.

But it didn’t end there. Within the past year, more than half of employees still report feeling burned out. The solution sounds simple enough: Just quit. Take a break. Embrace a career nap. But what if you can’t? What if people you care for also rely on your stable job and income, and in quitting, you could no longer provide for them?

Tens of millions of adults are caregivers, but people in the “sandwich generation” face the challenge of simultaneously caring for their children and their aging parents—physically, emotionally, financially, or all of the above. And the concept isn’t new. Dorothy Miller, a professor of social work at the University of Kentucky, coined the term in the early 1980s, noting that the sandwich generation has a “unique set of unshared stresses," including acute financial strain, a lack of reciprocated support, and “fatigue from fulfilling the demands of too many roles.”

In other words, people in this group—which, at the moment, is mainly a mix of Gen X and millennials—tend to carry a heavy emotional burden. But unfortunately, they’re often under a lot of financial pressure, too, which means “just quitting” and walking away isn’t on the table.

Why the sandwich generation is so burned out

Nearly a quarter of American adults are “sandwiched” between their kids and aging parents, according to the Pew Research Center. That includes people whose parents are 65 or older and whose children are either under 18 or are older and still need financial support.

More than half of adults in their 40s fall into this middle ground, as do more than a third of adults in their 50s. But many of them may not even realize they’re in such a group.

“Being a sandwich-generation caregiver can sneak up on you,” says Brooke Schwartz, LCSW, licensed clinical social worker and founder of the Los Angeles-based Sawtelle Psychotherapy Group. “Yes, there was likely some time to adjust to the idea of entering a parent role, but it's hard to predict and anticipate all that will come with that, both logistically and emotionally.” What’s more, she says, “Entering a caregiving role for aging parents can be particularly sneaky. It may start as heightened concern for parents' well-being, or an increase in requests, and before you know it, caregiving feels like—or truly is—a full-time job.”

Plus, many people are staying in the sandwich generation longer than ever before, per the Pew Research Center, as older adults live longer, and younger generations struggle to achieve financial independence. Indeed, more than half of young adults up to age 34 are at least somewhat financially dependent on their parents, per another Pew Research report released earlier this year. Less than a quarter of adult children are financially independent by age 22 these days—while that number was closer to a third in 1980.

Perhaps that’s one reason why people in this group report significantly higher levels of burnout than non-caregivers, or even those who care only for children, according to a December 2023 study in the International Journal of Aging & Human Development¹. 

Another study from last year, published in March in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society², also found that sandwich generation caregivers report substantial financial difficulties, despite higher labor force participation, along with intense feelings of caregiver role overload. They're also less likely to use supportive services, according to the same study. 

That could be because many caregivers feel their role is a deeply personal one, and not something they should be outsourcing to someone else, says Fanny Ng, PhD, a clinical psychologist with Clarity Therapy NYC who specializes in caregiver stress and burnout.

“A lot of folks feel like someone else couldn't do as good a job as they can,” Ng says. “They know their mom's favorite food, or how she likes things done, so no other person is good enough. Or their kids ask for them by name, and so they feel like they can’t step away.”