Several years ago, I joined the 24 percent of Americans who take medication for their mental health. For me, taking an SSRI (a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) helps me stave off crushing anxiety and depression.
professor at Stanford University and founder and executive director of Stanford Brainstorm
But while medication might be absolutely necessary for me, it’s not without some low-key side effects. Most symptoms of SSRIs aren’t all that challenging or noticeable, but one important one definitely is: Orgasms are harder to, ahem, come by.
Sexual side effects can vary, but the most common ones are lower libido and trouble climaxing. Nina Vasan, MD, MBA, chief medical officer at Real and founder and executive director of Brainstorm at Stanford University, says most of those side effects are because SSRIs increase serotonin. “Serotonin decreases orgasms and vaginal lubrication for women and erection and ejaculation for men,” Vasan says. “It also inhibits the production of nitric oxide, which is responsible for blood flow to sex organs during sexual response.”
As a 37-year-old single mom who is dating and, yes, sometimes having sex, I find not being able to orgasm while taking SSRIs the most inconvenient thing about them. I mean, if I don’t keep my brain healthy, I won’t be that much fun to share appetizers and witty banter with. But dating without orgasms feels like a really unfair trade-off.
A lot of people, given their SSRI has rendered them less interested in sex anyway, don’t worry about a lack of orgasms. More power to them. But I’m not willing to let this slip away from my life, especially as a divorced woman who only started having more consistent sex a few years ago! I still view it as a deeply important part of my overall health.
Ashleigh Renard, author, sex expert, and creator of the viral video series Keeping It Hot, agrees. She says that while it’s important for sex to never feel like “an obligatory act,” feeling fulfilled matters. “No one needs sex, but really wanting it and enjoying it can lead to a higher quality of life for many of us,” she says.
Renard also says that while transitioning onto medication, taking a break from sex can be beneficial, for the purpose of not adding any additional stress to the situation. While, at times, over the last five years, I had to focus purely on my mental health and not worry too much about my sex life, these days I have the bandwidth to prioritize both, so I am. Luckily, I’ve found there can be ways to still get down, even on brain medication.
5 ways to still have an orgasm while taking SSRIs
1. Practice on your own first
For a lot of people, having orgasms is easier when getting it on solo. While ideally, you’d like to be able to share that experience with a partner, knowing what you need to make it happen on your own after the introduction of medication, is really important. There’s no pressure to orgasm, so it may be easier to figure out what it takes. If you do, you’ll know that it’s not impossible, so you’ll be in a better headspace once you’re with a partner. Plus, you’ll be better equipped to tell them exactly what to do.
2. Emphasize the “warm up”
Renard suggests starting a relaxation routine about 30 to 60 minutes before sex to prepare for intimacy. “Take a bath. Light a candle. Listen to relaxing or feel-good music,” she says. “Many of my audience members love listening to erotic audio stories to help get them in the mood.” She recommends using the Dipsea app.
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3. Ask about switching medications
If making changes to your medication is an option, lowering the dose or getting on a new drug that still does what it needs to for your mental health could alleviate the unwanted sexual side effects, Dr. Vasan says. Some SSRIs are less likely to interfere with the ability to climax, so talk to your doctor about what your options may be.
4. Use a vibrator
Sometimes, adding a little battery power can seriously get things moving in the right direction. Incorporating a vibrator, either for foreplay, or clitoral stimulation during sex, could have big gains.
Liz Tracy, a 43-year-old mom who has been on a handful of different SSRIs since she was a teenager, says that a vibrator has been key to her ability to climax. She recommends women “buy a high-quality vibrator” or even a few, “and experiment with them,” both on your own and with a partner.
5. Talk to your doctor about adding a new drug
If you’ve exhausted your options in the bedroom, and changing your medication altogether is not an option, adding a drug can have positive impacts. Dr. Vasan says that a low dose of Bupropion (aka Wellbutrin) is an option that she has personally seen “work well in some patients” who are not ready to kiss orgasms goodbye.
Remember, taking care of your brain is hard work, but it doesn’t have to mean giving up one of the best parts of your sex life.
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If you’ve ever left the house without your phone, you know how naked it can make you feel in those moments before you race back to reclaim your screen. But you’re not the only one experiencing phone dependency: One survey found that we spend up to 40 hours a week on our phones, and 40 percent of adults say they’re online almost constantly, per the Pew Research Center. Does that number surprise you? Then you may be one of those people wondering if it’s a good idea to spend less time on your phone. Enter Phone-Free February.
clinical psychologist and co-host of the Mind In View podcast
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This nonprofit campaign encourages people to use their screens less for 28 days, with the ultimate goal of interacting more with the real world. Doing Phone-Free February doesn’t mean you have to completely ditch your phone—that would be impossible for most people with jobs, anyway. But it encourages being on screens less. Here’s what the challenge involves, plus why psychologists say this trend is actually worth considering.
What is Phone-Free February, anyway?
Phone-Free February is a campaign that was co-created by the Global Solidarity Foundation, a nonprofit organization that focuses on social issues like climate justice, smartphone usage, and sustainability. Phone-Free February kicks off on February 1 and lasts for the entire month.
The overarching goal is to “promote healthier smartphone use by challenging you to go without your phone for the month of February,” according to the Phone-Free February website. Participants can choose from two levels: PhoneFlex, which challenges followers to use their phones less and be mindful about their usage, and Phone-Free, which involves putting your phone in a box for a month. (FYI, the creators of Phone-Free February admit on the challenge’s website that this second category is “radical” and “advanced.”)
If you want to do Phone-Free February the way the challenge was intended, you’ll need to sign up for a level online. But technically, you can just try to spend the month of February being more mindful about your phone usage.
Benefits of reducing your screen time
There is a lot of data to show that our phone usage isn’t exactly healthy. That said, lowering your screen time can offer some useful benefits.
Lowers risk of health conditions
Research shows that excessive screen time is linked with a higher risk of obesity, mental health concerns like anxiety and depression, and sleep complications. And unfortunately, obesity, mental health conditions, and sleep issues can all be related. “If you’re on your phone and scrolling, you usually don’t realize that you’re mindlessly snacking,” says Jaime Zuckerman, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Pennsylvania.
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Eating more than your body needs can raise your risk of obesity, obesity can then cause sleep disorders like sleep apnea, and not getting enough sleep can worsen your mental health. See the cycle? Cutting back on your screen usage can lower your risk of these health conditions and improve your overall quality of life. “Less screen time could improve your weight and, ultimately, your health,” Dr. Zuckerman adds.
Increases self-awareness
Less time for the phone = more time for you. “A big pro is that you can allow yourself to be with your thoughts when you’re not on your phone,” says Thea Gallagher, PsyD, a clinical assistant professor at NYU Langone Health and a cohost of the Mind in View podcast. “That can be powerful, and you can get to know yourself, building self-awareness of your thoughts, feelings, creative urges, dreams, and imagination.”
Improves relationships
Could your phone affect your relationships? Turns out, yes. Going screenless may also improve your relationships, says psychologist John Mayer, Ph.D., author of Family Fit: Find Your Balance in Life. “I have seen so many relationships being poisoned by one or both partners spending inordinate amounts of time on their phone and not engaging in conversation and activities with their partner,” he says. Without the excess phone usage, you may get some time back to spend with your loved ones and see them beyond the screen.
Boosts mental health
Limiting screen time also means you’re likely to be on social media less—and that can give your mental health a boost, Dr. Zuckerman says.“It reduces the self-comparison that people tend to do on social media and can improve your self-image,” she explains.
Aaron P. Brinen, PsyD, assistant professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, agrees that a lot of phone use is tied to social media. “Many of the things we are doing are algorithm-based,” he says. “Essentially it’s a digital slot machine. Just like any type of behavior on a reinforcement schedule, it’s good to step away. If you’re in Vegas, there’s value in stepping away from the gambling tables. ”When you can make intentional time to take a break, Brinen says you’ll likely notice that your anxiety goes down.
Allows you to become more present
Overall, Dr. Gallagher says that spending less time on your phone allows you to be more present in everyday life. “Phones have a tendency to pull us out of the moment,” she says. “When you remove that, you’re allowing yourself to focus on the people in your life and what’s happening around you.”
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How to spend less time on your phone
Experts say there are a few things you can do to make it easier to spend less time on your phone. Consider these tips:
Curb your app use: Disabling push notifications for apps you don’t need, like social media platforms, can go a long way. You can even delete the apps if you have trouble controlling your use, Dr. Gallagher says. “There are timers and reminders on the phones—you can use them,” Dr. Brinen adds. (He points out that he has a timer on his phone for YouTube and has found it to help limit his use.) Apps that limit screen time are also something you can try if the feature isn’t already embedded in your phone.
Designate screen-free times during the day: Dr. Gallagher suggests setting aside time when your phone is put away, like from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. (You can also hide your apps from your phone during certain times of the day, Dr. Brinen explains.) The best time frame to choose is ultimately what fits best with your work and home life schedule. If you’re a heavy phone user, Dr. Gallagher suggests going slow. “Start with 20 minutes, then 30 minutes, and note how you feel before and after,” she says. “It can give you an opportunity to see that those breaks are possible and beneficial.”
Put your phone to “bed” for the night: Many people use their phone as an alarm, but you don’t have to go this route. Instead, consider investing in an analog alarm clock and putting your phone away in another room for the night at a designated time, like an hour or half hour before you plan to go to sleep. If you’re worried about getting a call about a family emergency, you can put your phone on “do not disturb” but allow certain contacts to still get through.
Don’t feel the need to respond immediately: “A lot of us feel like we have to respond right away if somebody texts us,” Dr. Gallagher explains. “But you don’t have to do that.” Instead, she suggests setting a new precedent with yourself where you only respond to texts within a certain window of time or simply don’t feel pressure to get back to people right away. “People should not feel like they need to be constantly contactable,” she says.
What to do when you’re not on your phone
Have the health benefits of reducing screen time convinced you to try the challenge? We’re rooting for you! But, going without a phone (for short or long periods of time) can still be challenging in this day of age. If you’re seeking ideas of what to do with the newly-founded time in your schedule, look no further. Here’s what our experts recommend to maximize your screenless time:
Focus on things you enjoy: If you have certain hobbies in place already, Dr. Zuckerman recommends focusing on them more. But she also stresses that you don’t need to spend time doing something during your screenless time because you feel obligated to do it. “If exercising isn’t something you enjoy, don’t do it during that time,” she says. “You have to make sure these are things you enjoy.”
Try to spend time outside:Research has linked outdoor time to better mental health, but Dr. Zuckerman says it’s important to get out in a way that feels natural to you. “You don’t need to go on a hike,” she says. “You can just sit on a bench during a lunch break or take a quick walk outside.”
Have conversations with other people: It sounds simple, but Dr. Gallagher explains that you’ll be surprised at how much better conversations flow when you’re not distracted by your phone. Dr. Mayer agrees. “Talk to your partner, your kids. Let’s get back to good conversations,” he adds.
Start reading: It’s not for everyone, but Dr. Gallagher points out that reading a good book can be a nice substitution for time you would have otherwise spent scrolling. Don’t love books? Try a magazine, comic book, or poetry. Reading shouldn’t be a chore, so find something that actually piques your interest.
Spend time with your thoughts: You don’t have to be doing something, physically or mentally, at all hours of the day, Dr. Gallagher says. Taking time to sit, think, and reflect can help you become more mindful and maybe even learn a few things about yourself along the way.
The bottom line
Phone-Free February challenges you to be more mindful about your phone usage. If you feel like you’re probably picking up your phone too often or doomscrolling even though you didn’t even want to, you’re not alone. But, here’s your chance to be more proactive about your habits.
Doing your best to cut down on your screen time can help boost your mental and physical health, and even improve your relationships with loved ones. Just be honest with yourself about when you need to use your phone, and when you don’t, and take things from there. It’s not always easy to give up the devices in our technology-driven world, but be kind to yourself and don’t judge too hard if you still need to be on your phone from time to time. When in doubt, remember what Dr. Gallagher says: “Have compassion for yourself.”
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