Sexperts Agree This Totally Unsexy Tip Can Rev Up Your Sex Life

The rampantness of sex negativity in our society—often fueled by poor sex education—is, to put it mildly, a bummer. Amongst many coital consequences, this attitude results in sex-havers struggling to communicate their wants, desires, and limits. "Add in gender norms, media portrayals of sex, and fear of judgement, and you've got a perfect storm that keeps folks disconnected from pleasure," says Shamyra Howard, PhD, CST, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist with We-Vibe.

Luckily, there is a non-traditional (and even vaguely academic) workaround to fill these knowledge gaps and increase sexual satisfaction: sex worksheets. This includes a broad category of printable sheets encouraging pleasure-seekers to really think about their desires. Made up of questions, quizzes, journal prompts, pleasure prompts, checklists, and other activities, "sex worksheets give individuals a structured way to reflect on their wants, needs, and boundaries," says Howard.

And for people with partners, "sex worksheets can serve as a guide, making exploration possible and conversations about sex easier to approach and navigate," Jesse Kahn, LCSW, CST, sex therapist and director of The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York City, tells Well+Good.

The thing is, just as there are no one-size-fits-all sex positions or sex toys, there is no sex worksheet that will fulfill the needs of sex-havers everywhere. That’s why, with the help of a team of certified sex therapists, we put together a list of seven free sex worksheets that you can download and start filling out now with the click of a button.

The 7 best online sex worksheets (for pleasure-seekers of all kinds)

No matter what you're looking for, sex worksheets abound in multiple different categories. Here are the best—all sexpert-recommended.

1. Best overall: Yes, No, Maybe by Scarleteen 

Probably the most ubiquitous category of sex worksheets, these free "yes, no, maybe" (YNM) lists can help just about anyone narrow down what they're looking for in the boudoir. Organized into three different categories, this activity involves writing "things you're excited about in the "yes" column, things you don't want to do in the "no" column, and things you're open to under the right circumstances under "maybe"," says Kahn.

To get the most out of the activity, Khan suggests pleasure-seekers fill these sheets out individually when they have time to reflect on their desires, past sexual experiences, fantasies, and boundaries. "Going through it solo will also allow you to learn more about yourself," they say.

Once complete, you and your sexual partner(s) can link up and use the worksheet as a jumping-off point for sharing boundaries, desires, and limits in a sexual relationship. “It can help increase comfort in the conversation, as well as reduce misunderstandings and miscommunications by ensuring everyone is clear on what you like, don’t like, or are open to,” says Kahn. Another huge plus? It reinforces consent and safety, ensuring clear and direct communication is part of consent, they add.

Created by the online sex education platform Scarleteen, this "yes, no, maybe" version is as comprehensive as they come. The worksheet includes relatively standard physical and sexual activities, such as kissing, oral sex, and manual sex. But it also includes questions about grooming and privacy (e.g., ‘Grooming or toileting in front of a partner’), safer sex activities (e.g., ‘Using a condom with a partner, always’), and cyber sex (e.g., ‘Getting sexual images of a partner in my email or on my phone’).

Other perks of this pick: it's queer- and trans-inclusive and trauma-aware. 

2. Best for queer folks: What I Want To Do by Autostraddle 

It should come as no surprise that the best queer sex worksheet is the brainchild of Autostraddle—an online digital publication that has been pumping out content by queer folks, for queer folks (and their friends) since 2009. This free worksheet, which comes highly recommended by Kahn, contains several activities.

To start, it includes a "yes, no, maybe" list that features inventory options while utilizing gender-free language, which makes it easy for those with language preferences for specific body parts. For example, one option asks whether you like "breast/chest/nipple stimulation," rather than simply "breast." The list also includes sex acts that go beyond traditional P-in-V, including strap-on sex, vaginal fisting, anal fisting, dry humping, and rimming. There is also a unique boundary activity that involves drawing solid, dotted, or dashed lines around various sexual activities (e.g., threesomes, penetration, orgies) and practices (e.g., kissing and telling).

“Desires, preferences, and limits can change over time for individuals and in partnerships,” notes Kahn. With that, it’s important to remember this isn’t designed to be a one-time sheet but can be printed off and filled out again and again. 

3. Best for beginners: Pleasure Mapping by Afrosexology 

Trying to figure out what exactly you want from your sexual experiences? This pleasure mapping sheet (free for the basic version; $30 for the extended version, which includes the workbook Solo Sex) from Afrosexology is a great first stop.

“Afrosexology’s Pleasure Mapping Worksheet features an outline of a body with space for you to write how you would like to be touched on various body parts,” says Howard. The body graphic is not anatomically detailed, but rather just an outline to use as a reference point.

Once filled out, “this worksheet allows you to show a partner where to lick, suck, stroke, bite, pinch, fondle, or tickle to create the best pleasure,” says Howard. “This worksheet can also be used to help kinky partners explore and describe kinks,” she says, as it can highlight where on the body they'd like to feel certain sensations.

While the basic version of this activity is free, purchasing the extended version of this activity (with the Solo Sex workbook) is the way to go if you're looking to dig a little deeper. Howard also suggests signing up for the Afrosexology newsletter because activities like this are regularly included in the email blasts.

4. Best for singles: Masturbation Challenge Worksheet by Afrosexology

Public service announcement: You don’t have to be partnered to enjoy the lusty learning potential of a sex worksheet. According to Howard, one of the best options for singles with a solo sex practice is the Masturbation Challenge by Afrosexology, which is free with an email opt-in.

Essentially a masturbation bucket list, “this free worksheet has twenty boxes with prompts that encourage you to explore different ways to masturbate that you may or may not have tried before,” says Howard. In addition to items like "blindfold yourself" and "change location," there are also intentionally blank spaces where you add your prompt. (Need inspiration? Consider lathering up with arousal gel, trying anal masturbation, or using a sex machine).

5. Best for long-term partners: Sexual Temperament Questionnaire by Emily Nagoski 

If you’re navigating mismatched libidos or reduced sex drive, consider taking the free Sexual Temperament Questionnaire, which was created by sex educator and neuroscientist Emily Nagoski, PhD, author of popular sex ed books Come As You Are and Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections. This simple 24-question sex worksheet asks specifically about your "excitors" (i.e., what gets you in the mood for sex) and your "inhibitors" (i.e., what keeps the spark of your desire from erupting into a full-blown fire).

The sheet asks you to determine how accurate statements like, "Unless things are “just right,” it is difficult for me to become sexually aroused" and "Having sex in a different setting than usual is a real turn-on for me" are. On an individual level, this can help you better understand what you need to want sex, as well as what circumstances shut down your desires. 

Exchanging answers with your partner—or simply communicating the insights you learned about yourselves by answering it—can help you both understand what you need to have quality sex in the quantities you desire. 

6. Best for kinky folks: The BDSM Test

If you have ever been on "KinkTok" on TikTok, you might be familiar with the BDSM test, which went viral a few years ago. For those who don't know, the BDSM test isn't exactly a worksheet but an online test that allows users to test how kinky they are, explains Howard. It's far more extensive than similar quizzes (like the Sex Personality Test or Erotic Blueprint Quiz), the BDSM test is a super-comprehensive quiz with more than 50 questions on topics such as rope play, dominance and submission, group play, and more.

In this test, each question is presented as a sentence. For example, you might answer "absolutely agree," "neutral," or "absolutely disagree" to statements like: I like to be dominated, especially in the bedroom, or I like to be tied up and have zero control. By the end, you'll learn the degree to which various BDSM "archetypes" fit into your unique desires.

“This test can be fun to take solo or at the same time as a partner,” says Howard. Sharing results with a partner whom you might want to engage in kinky play with can be a starting point for talking about what you’ll explore together, she says. And keep in mind if you're completely new to BDSM, it's important to get more background info on how to engage safely: “It may be most helpful to consult with a kink-informed or kink-practicing sexuality professional before engaging in any new kinks," Howard says.

7. Best for non-monogamous people: Crafting Open Relationships by Institute for Relationship Intimacy 

The truth is, there are more relationship and sex worksheets available for polyamorous (or non-monogamy-seeking) people than there are think pieces on movies like Babygirl and Fifty Shades combined. But don't take this as a diss: the presence of these printables is a good thing. The more we self-reflect on our own sexual and relational desires, the better we can communicate with our partners and potential partners to get those needs met.

One of the best printables of this category is a free worksheet from Martha Kuappi, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, and author of ​​Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients). This PDF includes activities at all stages in their non-monogamy journey. Some activities encourage you to parse what fidelity (and cheating), connection, and safety mean to you, as well as others to help you think through what degree of disclosure you'd like to have in partnerships.

Other tips to improve your sex life

Whether you’ve wrapped up your worksheet(s) and are looking for even more ways to level up your love life, or just don’t currently have the wherewithal to put pen to paper, we’ve got good news: There are even more sexpert-backed ways to improve your sex life. Here are some options to try:

1. Become a sexuality student

If you want to find more sexual activities that exist in the middle of the Venn diagram of you and your partners desires, Kate Balestrieri, a certified sex therapist, founder of the group therapy practice Modern Intimacy, and author of What Happened to My Sex Life? recommends learning more about different sex acts by reading sex education books for adults, attending online or in-person sex workshops, or following sexperts on social media. Watching documentaries like Principles of Pleasure, listening to sex and relationship podcasts, or enrolling in sex education courses are good options, too, says Howard.  

2. Work with a sex therapist

No matter if you’re partnered, single, or multi-partnered, Balestrieri suggests calling up the pros. “Working with a sex therapist or sex coach can help couples (and throuples, etc.) find common ground, as well as work up to taking steps in their sex lives,” she explains. Meanwhile, for individuals, it can give you a safe space to become comfortable pinpointing, verbalizing, and chewing through your wants, needs, desires, and more.

3. Debrief after intimacy

A post-game analysis isn’t just for football players. Debriefing after physical intimacy of any kind (i.e., kissing, sexual massage, penetrative play) can help you better understand what your partner enjoys and vice versa, says Balestrieri. So, while cuddling post-coitus, consider sharing what felt really good and what you may have wanted more (or less) of as part of pillow talk.

4. Play a sex game

Ditch the pen and paper of sex worksheets, with the dice and cards of sex games to inject a little more fun and novelty into your love nest, suggests Howard. Trust us, some options are way more informative and fun than games like Never Have I Ever or Seven Minutes in Heaven.

The bottom line

Sex worksheets may not be a replacement for medically accurate sex education, nor can they remedy all the harms done by living in a sex-negative world—no single workaround is that powerful. Still, they are useful tools for any individual who wants to expand their sexual awareness and confidence, as well as any couple, throuple, or polycule who wants to increase their pleasure quotient. So, go forth, and fill one out before you next get your freak on.