Can Your Body Reject a Toxic Relationship? 6 Signs You’re Not With ‘The One’

There's never been a more difficult time to be in the dating scene. Between the variety of meh options on dating apps, the disposable nature of many modern-day relationships (dare we say, situationships), and the onslaught of questionable dating advice on social media, it's safe to say it feels nearly impossible to find your "perfect match," or to know whether someone is the right fit. But...what if your body had all the answers to your dating woes all along?

TikTok users are swearing by this phenomenon called "body rejection," or our nervous system's way of telling us that a relationship isn't right for us, leading to a host of physical health symptoms that resemble stress or anxiety. In lieu of the trend, people have posted before-and-after transformation videos of themselves after splitting from ex-lovers, often with Billie Eilish's song L'AMOUR DE MA VIE playing in the background, to show how much healthier and happier they feel after ridding themselves of toxic partners.

While mental health experts have long spoken about the phenomenon that "our bodies keep the score¹," or feel the effects of prolonged trauma and stress in our lives, does this theory of "body rejection" check out when it comes to relationships? Read on to find out whether your body can reject someone, and what the health effects would look like.

Can your body reject someone?

Saying that your body can "reject" someone is a bit of an oversimplification. Our bodies don't act without instructions from our brains; they also don't operate on hunches alone. Instead, it's more accurate to say that chronic stress from unhealthy dynamics² in your life can pose physical consequences, which you can then choose to interpret as signs that a relationship is unhealthy.

According to Frankie Bashan, a board-certified sex therapist and creator of Little Gay Book, this has everything to do with the mind-body connection (i.e., how your mental health affects your physical health and vice versa) and more specifically, the key role your vagus nerve plays in your nervous system. The vagus nerve is a major cranial nerve that "regulates our parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for maintaining homeostasis," or rest in the body, Bashan adds.

Our nervous systems thrive in calm, emotionally safe environments. But if our bodies are exposed to a source of chronic stress and trauma—say, a volatile romantic entanglement—Bashan says the vagus nerve and nervous system may struggle to regulate properly, which could manifest in certain physical and mental health issues, such as digestive distress, anxiety³, or fatigue⁴.

And it doesn't even take outright screaming matches or intense conversations to send our bodies into overdrive, or our sympathetic nervous systems (which regulate stress response) to take the lead. "You might not consciously see the red flags, but your body picks up on tone, micro expressions⁵, and energy shifts in a way that your rational mind can't always explain," says Logan Jones, MD, a psychologist and clinical director and founder of Clarity Therapy, NYC.

So, why does your body pick up on these subtleties? Some people call it "intuition," but these signals might actually be your body trying to protect you from harm. Here's an example to consider: Think of how certain smells or sensations trigger long-repressed memories. Our body associates past external stimuli with emotions. So, "if past experiences wired you to associate love with anxiety, your body might react to certain people or the situations they put you in with panic," Dr. Jones adds.

5 signs your body is rejecting your partner

Feel like your current romantic situation is causing those bodily alarm bells to go off? Here's a breakdown of what some of those "alarms" might entail, and how they manifest physically.

1. You feel 'off' or uneasy around someone

According to Dr. Jones, our brains come with built-in threat detectors called neuroception⁶ (i.e., a network of neural circuits that constantly scan for safety or danger). But unfortunately, many people tend to ignore neuroception responses if they've been victims of past incidences of gaslighting—a form of emotional abuse that causes people to question themselves. "Rather than label these as random, listen: it's your nervous system detecting that something is out of place," Dr. Jones warns.

Some examples of neuroception can include an increased heartbeat or blood pressure, feeling like your stomach is in knots, or even sudden, extreme exhaustion.

2. You have muscle tension

Adrianna Holness, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in therapy for dating and relationships, says that jaw clenching, back pain, or tight shoulders are often signs of stored emotional stress. When neck and scalp muscles contract, these could also lead to tension headaches that are said to feel like a tight band wrapped around the head. This tension may arise whether you're in an argument with a partner or just in everyday life with them.

3. Your complexion changes

Stress can trigger the production of hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which affect different functions like the flow of blood to the skin. This could cause breakouts, hives, or rashes, as well as the flare-up of conditions like eczema, psoriasis, or acne. So you may notice an increase in skin changes.

4. You have gut health issues

Dr. Holness says stress can also alter the delicate balance of the gut microbiome⁷ (i.e., the miniature ecosystem of healthy bacteria housed in our large intestine. "By influencing the release of hormones like cortisol, this can lead to symptoms similar to irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) as well as other digestive issues," she adds. And because the gut and brain send signals to each other, the body's response can also affect mood and cognitive function. So, if you find your "nervous stomach" acting up a little more than usual, this could be why.

5. You feel more tired than usual

Apart from sleep disturbances—such as being unable to fall asleep, to having nightmare spells—stress can cause even those who get a full night's sleep (that is, 7 to 9 hours per night) to feel drained during the day. "There's this persistent feeling of spacing out (dissociation) and going numb, due to the emotional energy expended by the body," says Dr. Jones.

For example, if you're always arguing or feel on edge with your partner, you can end up feeling pretty exhausted in your day-to-day, which can make work, school, and other life obligations a little more challenging.

6. You get sick more easily

If all these signs from your nervous system are left unaddressed, Bashan says prolonged exposure to a toxic relationship can "significantly impact your health, potentially weakening your immune system, increasing your susceptibility to illness, and causing recurring issues." In fact, one study⁸ found that interpersonal conflict⁹ may contribute to the development of various health conditions; participants also reported lower self-rated health and quality of life.

Is 'body rejection' actually a sign of another health issue?

If any of the above symptoms start to creep up while you're in a stressful or toxic relationship, it can be difficult to figure out whether your health concerns are a result of your partnership or a separate issue altogether. This is when Dr. Jones suggests you look inward. Try asking yourself these simple questions to help narrow things down:

• Do my symptoms disappear when my partner leaves? (This is most likely your body returning to a balanced state after harmful stimuli is out of the picture.)
• Do I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around them? (This is called hypervigilance, or a state where your body and senses are on high alert to your surroundings.)
• Do I second-guess my reality after talking to them? (This could be a result of getting gaslit—which affects how you perceive yourself and your reality.)

If you answer "yes" to most of these questions, your symptoms could be a byproduct of the nature of your relationship. But if your health issues worsen without these underlying triggers (i.e., you answer "no" to the above questions), you may need to check in with your healthcare provider to make sure you're not dealing with an underlying health condition instead.

And keep in mind: The "body rejection" symptoms you see on social media are possible side effects of stress, but certain autoimmune conditions (like psoriasis, lupus, or rheumatoid arthritis, for instance) can also produce similar effects, like acne, fatigue, or even anxiety. "While a toxic relationship may exacerbate or trigger certain illnesses, it is rarely the sole cause," Dr. Holness says. "Autoimmune conditions have complex origins that involve both genetic and environmental factors," she adds.

Ultimately, it's never a bad idea to check in with your healthcare provider about physical health concerns, whether caused by stress or not.

How to feel more secure in your relationships

First things first: If you ever feel like you are in danger in your relationship (physically or mentally), it is never advised to stay in that situation. Reach out to a trusted loved one or mental health professional who can help safely guide you through separation and into a healthier environment.

Beyond that, the occasional bickering spell or disagreement shouldn't necessarily be cause to break up. Instead, try to allow these disagreements to teach you more about yourself and the kind of treatment you expect from a partner. One helpful tip to do this? Look into your attachment style, which can serve as a template for all intimate relationships.

For context, having an anxious attachment style means you might have an amplified sensitivity to any signs of abandonment, causing you to yearn for closeness and, sometimes, codependency (i.e., when you and your partner are reliant on each other to regulate each other's emotions). On the other hand, having an avoidant attachment style typically involves running away from problems and establishing distances as a way to preserve a sense of independence in the relationship.

With the knowledge of you and your partner's attachment style, you can start an open dialogue about what it is that you both need. For example, anxious partners might need more reassurance or space to call out behavior that triggers their anxiety. "This is the perfect time to assess if the relationship is a safe space," says Dr. Holness. "A healthy dynamic should feel secure and stable, relying on communication to address underlying concerns," she adds.

Another helpful tip to feel more secure: Establish your identity outside of your partnership. Reaching personal goals, living in alignment with your values, and even learning to spend time alone can give you a greater sense of who you are. And if your partner ends up resentful or unsupportive of this self-exploration, or sees your boundaries as a sign you're pulling away, this could be a toxicity red flag to note.

The bottom line

While your body doesn't necessarily "reject" a toxic person or relationship, chronic stress from an unstable partnership can manifest in physical ways—including digestive distress, skin changes, fatigue, and a general feeling of unease and anxiety. If you notice these symptoms persist when around your partner, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship and determine whether it's right for you. Either way, it's advised to visit a healthcare provider to rule out underlying physical health issues, and of course, reach out to a mental health professional if you feel moved to talk through your stress and any relationship trouble.

Yes, certain relationship issues can be worked out, but others, especially those that put you in harm's way, can't and shouldn't be worked through. "If you're experiencing signs of abuse or feel trapped in a toxic environment, do yourself a favor and leave. Seeking professional support is crucial, and having a therapist can help reduce harmful behaviors," says Bashan.

Our bodies are already doing so much work to bring us back into balance. The least we could do is listen to it, Bashan adds.

If you or someone you know is the victim of sexual assault, abuse, or domestic violence, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673 or chat with a trained staff member at hotline.rainn.org. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.