“Nobody likes you.” “You’re not good enough.” “You always screw things up.” There it is—that negative voice popping up once again. You know, the one inside your mind constantly highlighting your shortcomings, mistakes, and perceived flaws? Yeah—that. Some days it’s silent, and other times it’s so loud that it feels impossible to shut it up. 

What is this “voice,” and why is it always ready to tell us our worst fears about ourselves? According to Gail Saltz, MD, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at New York Presbyterian Hospital, this inside voice is our inner critic. It’s a “descriptive term for people who have harsh critical thoughts about themselves in an ongoing way about various arenas of their lives,” she explains. 

Everyone has an inner critic. It’s basically a voice of our deepest fears, beliefs, and insecurities. Sometimes, that voice is louder on some days than others, especially on days when things aren’t going well. But this internal monologue shouldn’t be a constant presence in your mind. And if you find yourself hearing it more often than not, maybe it’s time to learn how to quiet it down. Let’s start now. 

What is your inner critic? 

So, wait, what is an inner critic again? Basically, it’s that little voice inside your head that “constantly questions your abilities, magnifies your mistakes, and convinces you you’re not good enough,” says Sean Leonard, a psychiatric nurse practitioner at Healthy Life Recovery. Being self-critical can look different for everyone, but it may include:

• Insulting yourself
• Over-scrutinizing your behaviors or actions
• Blaming yourself when things go wrong
• Deflecting compliments or praises from others

Having an inner critic can be normal and healthy in some cases. It’s perfectly okay to reflect on your thoughts, behaviors, and actions. But, Leonard notes, there’s a stark difference between reflecting and criticizing: “While self-reflection is healthy, excessive self-criticism contributes to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.”

Where does an inner critic come from? 

“The inner critic doesn’t appear overnight,” Leonard says. “It’s shaped by experiences, beliefs, and messages we absorb throughout life.”

Some of us develop an inner critic from childhood. It’s particularly common among those who grew up in high-intense or critical environments where self-judgment became second nature, Leonard explains. If you were punished for making mistakes, you may have internalized the belief that you’re less worthy. 

Similarly, Dr. Saltz adds that if you were “held to an unreasonable standard or found that being loved and accepted was conditional on performance” in childhood, you probably learned that being “perfect” was the only way to receive attention and care. “When you expect perfection, anything less can feel like failure, keeping the inner critic alive and well,” Leonard notes. 

An inner critic can also form later in life from past failures and rejections, specifically experiences like relationships and career struggles, because they can reinforce feelings of inadequacy. Aside from life setbacks, mental health conditions like depression can also create an inner critic. In fact, research shows that individuals diagnosed with depression experience self-criticism frequently, which can also lead to increased psychological stress and anxiety.¹

Who is more likely to experience inner criticism? 

Remember: we all have an inner critic, but some of us hear that negative monologue more often than others. Leonard notes that people living with depression experience pervasive negative thoughts of hopelessness and failure, which reinforce self-criticism. The same goes with people with anxiety disorders. “Anxiety fuels overthinking, making self-criticism even louder,” he adds. 

Dr. Saltz says perfectionists and those with low self-esteem are also more likely to have a loud inner critic. Trauma survivors are another group, specifically those who’ve experienced emotional abuse and neglect, as “they often carry the voices of past authority figures in their inner dialogue,” says Leonard. 

Tips to help you silence your inner critic

It might seem impossible to silence that inner voice, especially if you’ve been a perfectionist all your life or are feeling anxious often. But your inner critic is not an innate behavior—it's a learned one. You can quiet that destructive negative monologue by following these therapist-recommended tips: 

1. Become aware of your thoughts and challenge them

You can’t stop a behavior without first identifying it. Just noticing you’re ruminating (aka experiencing negative and intrusive thoughts) and criticizing yourself is the first step towards silencing that negative internal voice. 

“Without awareness and labeling these thoughts, you can’t really tackle them,” says Dr. Saltz. And when you do acknowledge them for what they are, challenge them. Leonard also recommends asking yourself the following questions:

• Is this thought based on facts or assumptions?
• Would I say this to a close friend?
• What evidence do I have that contradicts this thought?

Once you recognize that these thoughts are simply your mind playing tricks on you, you’ll learn that this negative self-talk isn’t rooted in truth—it's just a habit. 

2. Practice self-compassion

You treat *so* many others with kindness, so why not extend that love and grace to yourself? Sure, it might suck in the moment if you botched up an interview or your relationship is going through a rough patch. But that doesn’t mean you need to put yourself down over it. Practicing self-compassion means acknowledging your mishaps without punishing yourself, Leonard notes. 

3. Use positive but realistic self-talk

Positive self-talk is important, but it doesn’t really work when you don’t believe it. That’s why both Dr. Saltz and Leonard recommend realistic self-talk, where you compliment yourself realistically instead of giving vague, arbitrary statements. 

For example, if you’re experiencing some setbacks in your romantic life and believe you’re not pretty enough for a partner, don’t *just* say, “I’m pretty” to hype yourself up. Instead, Dr. Saltz suggests telling yourself: “I am attractive enough to have a partner; I just haven’t found the right person yet for me.” 

Similarly, if you’re feeling unworthy because you’ve made mistakes or haven’t reached a certain life benchmark, Leonard recommends making the following swaps: 

• Instead of “I always mess things up,” try “I’ve made mistakes, but I also do many things well.”
• Instead of “I’ll never be successful,” try “Success takes time and effort, and I’m making progress.”

4. Tell yourself positive affirmations

Writing down one positive thing about yourself every day goes a long way in quieting down your inner critic. Daily affirmations remind us about all the great things about ourselves—the characteristics and traits our inner critic wants us to forget. So, don’t let that happen.

“Make a point of saying positive affirmations. Name some of your attributes to yourself daily [and] tell yourself what you do like about yourself,” Dr. Saltz says. 

5. Stay present through mindfulness

Mindfulness is a great tool to combat your internal monologue, as it helps you calm yourself and stay focused on the present. When a negative thought pops up, instead of letting it consume you and your emotions, Leonard says to “acknowledge it without judgment [and] then redirect your focus to something grounding—your breath, your surroundings, or a task at hand.” You can ground yourself through meditation (movement meditation is a great option!) or by different breathing exercises, such as the 4-7-8 breathing technique or box breathing. 

6. Reframe failure as growth

Look: we all have messed up once, twice, or in some cases, a bajillion times. And we’ll mess up again because that’s just how life is. But these mistakes aren’t failures, and we shouldn’t treat them like they are. Mistakes are life lessons and opportunities for us to grow. After all, as Leonard says, “many of the most successful people in history failed repeatedly before they succeeded.” So, it’s important to reframe your negative thoughts appropriately. 

The next time you feel like a failure and find yourself saying, "'I’m a failure because I didn’t do well on this exam,’ reframe it as ‘I struggled with this, but I now know what I need to improve on,'" he says. “This shift in thinking helps build resilience rather than reinforcing self-doubt.”

When to see a mental health professional for support

Remember: experiencing self-criticism every now and then is normal. It can’t be rainbows and sunshine all the time. But if you hear that red devil on your shoulder a little bit too much, it might be time to see a licensed professional—especially if these thoughts and internal voices are overwhelming and disrupting your day-to-day life. 

Pervasive negative self-talk can be a symptom of a deeper issue like anxiety, depression, or even perfectionist-driven burnout, says Leonard. “Therapy, cognitive behavioral techniques, and, in some cases, medication can help break the cycle of negative self-talk and foster a healthier mindset,” he adds.

Don't know where to start? Consider asking your primary care provider about your options and see if they have recommendations for a mental health professional. You can also check out the American Psychological Association's Psychologist Locator to find a provider near you.

The bottom line 

Your inner critic is a habit you can break, but it takes time. You didn’t learn it in one day, so it won’t be gone in one day, either. This is why it’s important to be consistent with identifying these thoughts and challenging them. Build yourself up every day—write little love letters to yourself or compliment yourself in the mirror every morning—and practice being more present and mindful. 

And if you’re doing the work but things aren’t changing, consider seeing a mental health professional who can help break the cycle of negative self-talk. Sometimes, we can’t reframe our minds alone, and we need some help—and that's okay.

Just remember: “Your inner critic is not an objective truth—it’s a conditioned response that can be reshaped,” Leonard notes. “Learning to challenge it, practice self-compassion, and shift your perspective can make a significant difference in how you feel about yourself.”