4 Ways To Enjoy Sex More if You’re One To Fake Orgasms and ‘Get It Over With’
- Marina Voron, LMFT, Marina Voron, LMFT is a certified sex therapist based in Garden City, New York.
- Shannon Chavez, PsyD, licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist
According to a recent study that included 2,000 people, conducted by sexual-health company Lovehoney, two out of three married peopled surveyed people said they have faked an orgasm, with the most common reasons why being to please a partner (23 percent), to finish sex faster (22 percent), and because they were tired (18 percent). And while there’s nothing wrong with any of those reasons, they ideally won't be representative of how sexual encounters normally end—orgasm or not.
“Good sex comes from good pleasure. Sometimes that can be a make-out session or sensual massage. It doesn’t have to be tied to orgasms to be a good time.” —Shannon Chavez, PsyD
While, again, there’s nothing wrong with faking an orgasm, for the aforementioned reasons or otherwise, the marker of true sexual satisfaction should be ongoing pleasure, not the endpoint of orgasm. “The focus of pleasure should be whether you are enjoying the stimulation and experience rather than the orgasm,” says certified sex therapist Shannon Chavez, PsyD. “Good sex comes from good pleasure. Sometimes that can be a make-out session or sensual massage. It doesn’t have to be tied to orgasms to be a good time.”
With that in mind, give yourself permission to remove any pressure you’ve put on yourself to orgasm, and instead focus on how to increase pleasure during your sex sessions—no endpoint necessary. (Though, feel free to keep faking it, if that’s your M.O.)
4 ways to enjoy sex without orgasm
1. Focus on diversifying sensations you’re experiencing during sex.
Sex is about so much more than the genital area, says Dr. Chavez. That’s why she suggests directing “your awareness to other areas of the body to raise your pleasure potential.”
But where on your body should you focus? There are a number of common and also lesser-known erogenous zones to get you started, but you can also discover what works for you more personally by experimenting with touch, whether as a solo or partnered exercise, says certified sex therapist Marina Voron, LMFT. If it feels good, you can feel confident that you’ve found a pleasure zone. If you feel nothing, keep searching.
2. Breathe.
Breathing has been known to help relieve symptoms of anxiety, and for that reason, it can help you stay present in the moment (rather than, say, spiraling about why you might not be orgasming and whether your partner is noticing).
“Breathing openly and fully during sex can release tension in the body, relax the pelvic floor, and reduce stress,” says Dr. Chavez. “All of these effects can improve your orgasm response. Don’t hold your breath. Breathing and releasing sound can enhance sensations and increase the experience of pleasure.”
3. Lean into an “orgasm state of mind.”
“Being focused on one type of orgasm can limit your potential for other forms,” says Dr. Chavez.
Since there are over 10 types of orgasms, focusing on pleasure all over your body can help sex feel better, says Dr. Chavez. “[This] can trigger different types of orgasm and lead to feel-good chemicals being released that can enhance the experience of pleasure,” she adds.
4. Focus on the connection with your partner.
Kissing, deep gazes, and dirty talk can all lead to feeling more connected with your sexual partner, which leads to feeling more pleasure, says Voron. Eye-gazing for intimacy can also be a powerful tool to reconnect with your partner if you’re feeling distant.
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