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Life gets busy (read: chaotic), and, too often in the mayhem, the things that are most important to us—our loved ones, travel, hobbies, big dreams—often get placed on the back burner as finding a way to make a living takes priority.
In the moment, we may not realize regret is looming, but when the end of our life rolls around, that notion tends to become very clear upon reflecting on all the things we didn’t make time for when we had a chance. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Regret is optional, which is why Jordan Grumet, MD, a hospice doctor and author of Taking Stock: Hospice Doctor’s Advice on Financial Independence, Building Wealth, and Living a Regret-Free Life, recommends conducting regular “life reviews,” which are a common practice for dying patients in hospices.
Why doing a life review early (and often) is beneficial
Once a dying patient’s medical needs are taken care of, hospice workers help them conduct a life review, which is a structured series of questions that asks about the person’s past and present, as well as the things that are most meaningful to them. “The whole point is for people to go back and really start thinking about what had purpose and meaning in their life and come to terms with the fact that they’re dying soon,” Dr. Grumet says.
So why do a life review now, even if you’re not nearing the end of life? The short answer: time. “One thing we often see in the dying is that only when they realize that the end of life is near do they give themselves permission to really start thinking about those things they really want in life,” Dr. Grumet says. The problem, he adds, is that by waiting until their deathbed to do this life review, hospice patients often find it challenging to do some of the things they’ve always wanted to do in their last days because they may not be physically well enough to do those things.
The biggest benefit of doing a life review now is that it allows us to really think about what is meaningful and important to us and do those things while we’re alive and well. “If we start doing this as a young person, maybe once a year, maybe once every six months, we can start working on these things now so that we don’t have regrets,” Dr. Grumet says. “Life is finite, and we don’t know when our last month will be here.”
How to do a life review to live without regrets (or at least fewer ones)
To give a life review a try, first, set the scene. Carve out some quiet time to really dive in, turn off all distractions, and get comfy. Next, Dr. Grumet instructs envisioning your doctor informing you that you only have one year to live. (Side note: This may be a bit anxiety-inducing, but it’s part of the process. Take a few deep breaths and let it pass.) Then begin reflecting on the life review questions and answering them with as much specificity as possible.
Dr. Grumet notes you can find many of these big-picture, end-of-life questions by Googling “hospice life review,” but as a starting point he shares a few questions here.
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