The big questions to ask yourself at 25, 30, 35, and 40

Every so often, says Well+Good Council member Kelsey Patel, it’s time to slow down and ask yourself a few important questions—about work, love, career, and everything else that adds up to your big, beautiful life. Here, the spiritual empowerment coach shares some of the questions to ask at four milestone ages: 25, 30, 35, and 40.

Each of us has a past that includes choices, places, people, pain, joy, and many other things between. Now that I’m 37, I’ve been thinking about my own past and the choices I’ve made—how everything leads to the next place and the next moment. No matter how big or small a decision seems to be, our life is one long thread of these connected choices.

In reflecting on my past, I started to realize how beautiful it can be to look at your life at any age and start asking some deeper questions about where you are now, where you want to go, and what actually matters most to you at these different stages of life. Reflecting on these has helped me grow, and I’m sharing them in hopes that they’ll do the same for you.

Here are the big, important questions to ask yourself at 25, 30, 35, and 40.

Age 25

At 25, so many new things and realizations start to come forward. You’re likely living on your own, getting by with a tight budget, splitting the bill down to the exact dollar, possibly hating your job, or maybe working a couple different gigs to have some extra spending money. Usually, you’re not yet working in a job that fulfills your life’s purpose. You might be spending too much time comparing yourself, your body, or your life to others.

The questions I would go back to ask myself:

• Job: Why am I in this job? Does it give me back what I need to pursue my future goals? If I could have any other job right now, what would it be?
• Relationships: Do my friends and the people I spend time with (partner included) make me feel better or worse about myself? If better, am I willing to tell them this and share my thanks for their love and support? If worse, am I willing to start seeking new relationships and knowing my worth to be supported?
• Health: How am I taking care of myself right now? Could any of this lead to future negative implications on my body, my health, or my lifestyle? Are my current choices, including any negative self-talk, helping or hurting me long-term?

Age 30

You’re probably started a new job—maybe several—by now. Chances are good that you’re in, or you’ve experienced, a longer committed relationship. Maybe you live in a new city, travel to new places, have a new outlook, new health routine, new family, new friends, or more. There’s lots of “new” at age 30.

The questions I would go back to ask myself:

• Job: Is this exciting for me in my life right now? Is it giving me the freedom to explore my creativity? Do I feel challenged? Am I still growing?
• Relationships: If with a partner: No matter where life takes us, is this the person I want by my side to celebrate successes and to grieve life’s losses? If without a partner: What else do I want for myself in life while I am single? If mothering: Am I taking time to continue healing and exploring my own needs and wounds as I mother this child?
• Health: What parts of my mind, body, and heart have been speaking up? Where am I not listening or resisting my own wisdom and intuition? Age 30 is a great time to start going on a deeper internal quest. Various ways to explore could be meditation, therapy, a life coach, or other modalities to get you more familiar with yourself and to help heal any old wounds, fears, or childhood traumas.

Age 35

Now you’re probably getting more comfortable in your own skin. You’re likely feeling much closer to your heart and desired purpose. And you’re giving much less time to things (and people) that don’t matter to you on a soul level. Sure, you may still be shifting in career or relationships, but you’re feeling more empowered, bold, and perhaps a bit more worthy to pursue the life you desire.

The questions I would go back to ask myself:

• Job: If I knew I couldn’t fail, what else would I start exploring right now? Am I surrounded by the right people at work and do they inspire and support me? Do I support them—and is there anything I can do to help mentor younger people I work with?
• Relationships: Am I surrounded by people who inspire, challenge, and support me unconditionally? Do I feel completely loved and accepted in all of my relationships (family, friends, partner, work groups, therapist, children)? Is there anything I want to change to help shift the way I feel?
• Health: What do I need right now for my body and my health? Is there anything new that would benefit my well-being? What is the quality of my mind, my body, and my heart’s energy right now?

Age 40

Life—and your body and your thoughts—have likely shifted a lot in the last 15 years. While I don’t know yet what 40 will be or feel like, I do know these are the questions I can’t wait to ask myself!

• Job: What else do I want to share or contribute to the world? Where do I feel the most joy in my life right now—and how can I create more of that? Is there anything I really don’t enjoy doing that I can shift now?
• Relationships: How rich and loving do my relationships feel right now? Have I made time for the people I truly love the most in my life? What is something I want to do this year to celebrate life with the people who have supported me over the years?
• Health: Am I spending 10% or more of my paycheck on my health? Have I been making time to eat nourishing foods, to move my body in the most intuitive ways, and to get the support I need for my body’s best care? What do I want to do over the next decade—and what does my body need for me to be able to do that?

No matter your age, there are no right or wrong answers to these questions. The process of asking them is the important part. Let the answers unfold as they may—and help steer you into the decades ahead.

Kelsey Patel is a sought-after spiritual empowerment coach, yoga teacher, reiki healer, and meditation teacher. She is also the creator and founder of Magik Vibes, a soul-enhancing lifestyle brand, the resident reiki instructor for Soho House, and a head teacher at The DEN Meditation and Unplug Meditation in Los Angeles. Kelsey has been featured in publications such as US Weekly, Harper’s Bazaar, and The New York Times.

What should Kelsey write about next? Send your questions and suggestions to experts@www.wellandgood.com.