Ask 100 people on the street what the “right” amount of sex to be having is, and you’ll get 100 different answers (well, at least a hearty range of opinions). For some, getting it on every day is exhausting and overkill. For others though, the prospect of a daily slip between the sheets is totally titillating. If your desire skews more toward “romp on the regular,” you may find yourself wondering, Is my sex drive too high? Is it unhealthy?
First keep in mind that the idea of what constitutes a “high” sex drive is as subjective as, say, how much meditation is too much. “What’s high for one person may seem totally run-of-the-mill for others,” says Dr. Megan Stubbs, Ed.D., board-certified sexologist and relationship expert. Basically, there’s no medically agreed-upon definition for what constitutes a higher-than-normal need to get it on.
There’s no medically agreed-upon definition for what constitutes a higher-than-normal need to get it on.
Dr. Stubbs says there’s really no harm in feeling randy at a higher rate than “normal” (however you define that): Your sex drive can peak and plummet depending on what’s going on in your life, and certain medications can affect your libido too. Some folks see sex as a coping mechanism, and they may choose a sack session as a kind of balm. But these are normal fluctuations—i.e., no cause for concern in that department.
That said, if your high libido leads to compulsive behavior, it’s time to take stock of how your sex drive is impacting your life. “If you’re skipping brunch to masturbate all afternoon or are canceling plans to have sex, then there might be cause of concern,” says Dr. Stubbs. (And hey, remember that episode of Sex and the City when Charlotte gets her first vibrator and gets straight-up addicted? It can happen to anyone!)
It’s also problematic if you’re putting yourself at risk in order to have sex—like by having sex without protection with an untrusted partner. These behaviors may point to hypersexual disorder, which essentially means an extreme desire for sex is getting in the way of the rest of your life. If any of these issues sound familiar, Dr. Stubbs says the best thing to do is seek treatment with a counselor or therapist. “Most of these issues are psychological, not physical,” she says.
Also keep in mind that our bodies react to sex the same way as they do to other kinds of exertion—by getting sore. “If you’re pushing through the pain, no pun intended, then that also points to a problem,” Dr. Stubbs says, adding that doing the dirty while your body is sore can lead to irritation or tearing. And since sex-related pain is linked to a whole host of situations—like dryness, menopause, and endometriosis, to name a few—always seek medical attention to figure out what’s going.
Otherwise, feel free to get it on as much as possible, so long as you’re respecting your partner’s sex drive, as well. And if they need a break, remember this: It’s never a bad idea to lend yourself a hand. After all, a high libido can be satiated with activities other than actual intercourse: Watching porn, masturbation, or simply feeling turned on may just do the trick.
If you’re concerned about what you think is a low libido, here are seven tips from a sexpert to heat thing up, plus five natural strategies.
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