How To Be More Confident: An Expert-Approved Guide

So you’re wondering how to be more confident, eh? It’s a worthwhile endeavor. Studies on the benefits of confidence show that people with high self-esteem tend to do better in multiple aspects of life, including relationships, work, school, and more. But the good news continues, my friend! Embarking on this confidence journey is itself something you can do to build self-esteem. “The simple desire to enhance your confidence is a significant first step towards self-assurance,” says behavior change specialist Asia Schmidt. That’s because “self-love” is a key component of confidence. And if you’re trying to be more confident, you are “exercising” self-love, Schmidt says. You want to be proud of the person you are, and carry that pride with you in interactions with others. High-fives all around!

To build deep confidence, you’ll need a four-pronged approach: know yourself, trust yourself, develop self-love, and radiate self-esteem outwards. Here’s how you can take each of these steps.

First, what is confidence?

People often use the word “confidence” and even compliment others on their confidence! And is it just us, or does saying “wow, you’re so confident” often feel a little backhanded?

Sometimes, we use this word to express that someone clearly feels great in the spotlight. Other times, confidence can even have a bad connotation if it verges on someone having a bit of an ego. But being confident simply means someone knows and appreciates who they are.

“True confidence is profoundly personal and rooted in one’s ability to trust and appreciate oneself and one’s abilities,” Schmidt says. “It will show up differently in every person, but at its core, confidence is trusting oneself and making choices that honor one’s truth.”

What’s more, “being confident” isn’t even the right way to describe this feeling. That’s because confidence is not an inherent personality trait. Confidence is actually a feeling and a skill. And like any other skill, you can work on and develop it.

Get to know yourself

Spoiler alert: Getting to know yourself isn’t going to happen by the end of this article. Figuring out how to be true to yourself might just be your life’s work.

“Living an authentic life means aligning what you do with what you believe,” psychotherapist Ann Herman previously told Well+Good about how to find yourself. “This journey is unique for everyone. For some, it may take months; for others, it could span years or even a lifetime.”

Getting to know yourself is about investing in your most important relationship—the one with yourself. What do you love about yourself? What bothers you, and why? What gives you fulfillment? What feels inauthentic to you? Spend time answering these questions: in your head, writing in a journal, or in conversation with others.

If that task sounds a bit daunting, here are 14 ways you can find yourself.

Trust yourself

As you develop a greater sense of self, you can begin to own your decisions. A lack of self-esteem often stems from regret over something from the past. But if you let your internal moral compass guide your actions, you can come away from decisions and interactions with others knowing you’ve put your best foot forward.

That doesn’t mean you’ll never take a wrong step. Instead, owning your mistakes is also a part of self-trust. If you can understand why you’ve done something that wasn’t all that great and take accountability for that decision, you can trust yourself to learn from it in the future.

“By dedicating yourself to building confidence, you can better acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses and have faith in your abilities,” Schmidt says.

Want to start putting that trust into practice? You can learn to trust yourself by tuning into what your mind and body tell you. Pay attention to signals like nausea or butterflies and emotions like fear or apprehension. When your actions are informed by your values, gut, and feelings, you can feel more certain you’re on the right path.

Develop self-love

Knowledge, trust, and appreciation are the keys to unlocking confidence. Exercises that promote self-love might sound hollow if you haven’t done the hard work of finding yourself first. But once you’ve laid that foundation, changing your thought patterns and raising your self-esteem will get easier.

“Confidence can boil down to challenging negative self-talk and using mindful affirmations to build an empowering attitude,” Schmidt says.

Here are some things that can help.

Don’t shy away from negative thoughts

One of our top self-love tips is actually allowing yourself to sit with and acknowledge feelings like doubt, anxiety, or shame. Holding space for those uncomfortable experiences shows you how strong you are.

Reverse negative thought patterns

Consider alternative ways of viewing a situation or negative emotion. You can even create a confidence “cheat sheet” that helps you replace an unhelpful thought with a more compassionate one.

Embrace hobbies

Developing hobbies can help you build confidence. It allows you to get to know yourself better, connect with others, and build faith in your ability to learn new things.

Try affirmations

This one might sound a bit woo-woo, but it’s one method for reminding yourself of who you are and want to be. Powerful “I Am” affirmations for self-esteem, such as “I am capable” or “I am intelligent,” can be especially helpful for building confidence.

Go on a solo date

To develop self-love, what you do is less important than the commitment to spend time with yourself. “Dating yourself is spending intentional time with yourself and getting to know yourself as you would another person,” Blessing Uchendu, MSW, LCSW previously told Well+Good about why to date yourself. “It’s learning to enjoy and even delight in your own company.”

Radiate confidence outward

If you want others to perceive you as more confident, working on how you present yourself to the world can be the icing on your self-confidence cake.

Use confident body language

Confident body language is all about projecting yourself as open and willing to connect with others. Eliminate boundaries (like crossed limbs) that make you seem unapproachable, practice upright posture, and make eye contact.

Embrace a bold accessory

Try wearing something that calls attention to you—like a wide-brimmed hat!—and owning that confident fashion choice. You’re mentally affirming that you’re someone who deserves to be noticed.

Energize through movement or self-care

Awaken your body in whatever way makes you feel most present and alert. Try taking a shower, working out, or doing an energizing breathwork routine. These are great things to do before a meeting or when you want to be confident at work.

Confidence is a journey—and you’re in it for the long haul

There’s no quick path to true confidence. While tips around posture or affirmations may help in the moment, living with a true sense of self-assuredness requires giving yourself the time and grace to develop your relationship with yourself. There will be times you’re down on yourself, and that’s OK—remember that confidence is a feeling that comes and goes, a practice you work at, and not a permanent state of being. In short, it’s a journey. But just by embarking on it, you’ve already taken the most important step.