Real talk: Trying to decipher my emotional landscape sometimes feels like a full-time job. I’m at least a little bit tangry (that’s tired-angry) at all times, but other not-so-great feelings are constantly sliding into my mental DMs, too. Were they invited? No. Do I have to deal with them anyway? Yep. And according to Ellen Hendriksen, PhD, of the Savvy Psychologist podcast, one of the most accessible ways to carefully shepherd these negative emotions out of center stage in your brain is by categorizing them as either “hard” or “soft.”
According to a 2007 article published in the journal Personal Relationships, hard emotions include anger and aggravation, while the soft variety includes sadness, hurt, and other forms of vulnerability. As Dr. Hendriksen explains it in a recent episode of the podcast Relationship Advice, hard emotions often rush in to mask your soft emotions, which can be harder to sit with. “It’s uncomfortable to feel that softer emotion,” she says. “No one likes to feel ashamed, no one likes to feel hurt. So we get mad because that feels better.”
But learning to dig through that hard emotion to discover its soft core may be key to vanquishing the bad vibes at their source. A look at three studies of how participants expressed these type of capital-F Feelings during interpersonal conflict (published in the aforementioned journal) found that those who reported experiencing hard emotions tended to have more negative forms of communication. On the other hand, people who tapped into soft emotions instead experienced more agreeable conversations. Just sayin’, but that’s even more proof that vulnerability is a super power.
Dr. Hendriksen supports this get-to-the-root-of-the-problem strategy. “If we distract ourselves by feeling angry, we never actually get to the actual emotion which is the hurt,” she says. “And so, I would say to dig for that softer emotion and try to listen to it.”
Valentine’s week is here, and we’re craving love. But with Mercury in Aquarius in a harsh angle to radical Uranus in Taurus, it’s giving Manic Monday. Your daily horoscope is stressful, so if your nervous system is on edge, feed yourself the love you’re longing for instead of an early delivery of hearts and flowers. Even if you don’t have time for a full-on spa visit or a session on the mat, self-soothe with simple exercises, deep exhales, and stretches at your desk. A release is coming later this week, so bide your time and be good to yourself.
It’s hella stressful out there, Aries, especially around your finances. It may not even be because of anything tangible, but just a sense that you need to step it up and earn more. Try not to freak out about what’s still unknown, and deal only with what’s right in front of you.
Taurus
April 20–May 20
With Mercury activating Uranus in your sign, you may be a bit anxious today, Taurus, and it might manifest as physical anxiety without a clear sense of where it’s coming from. Focus on getting grounded as much as you can through your five senses. Gently target each one by focusing on what you can taste, smell, touch, see, and hear. Then, take a deep breath and release your stress.
Gemini
May 21–June 20
Your ruler Mercury is at it again, Gemini, shooting too much excitement into your veins. A clash between the communication planet and the planet of surprise in your psyche sector can make you feel like you’re completely abuzz. Resist the urge to amp yourself up with even more espresso, and instead lean into taking this energy down a notch. Try a few simple asanas, deep, slow exhales, or close your eyes for a few minutes. When you’re done, the trick is not picking up your phone immediately.
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Cancer
June 21–July 22
The planet in charge of communication is arguing with Uranus in your social zone, which can cause unexpected conflict with friends. Try not to overreact if your bestie drops something in the group chat that rubs you the wrong way, Cancer—they likely don’t mean to be mean.
Leo
July 23–August 22
Don’t let the astro-tension in the air ruin a perfectly good full moon in Leo. Your own private lunation is still days away, but the Mercury-Uranus square could put you in quite a mood, especially at work or around colleagues. Don’t sweat the small stuff, or even the medium stuff, because you can work it out.
Virgo
August 23–September 22
Pushing too hard can have a boomerang effect today, Virgo. With your planetary ruler Mercury entangled in a battle with eccentric Uranus, it’s hard to know what people will say next, and it may feel like people are speaking a language you don’t understand. Rather than criticizing or asking a million questions, let it go until you feel calmer.
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Libra
September 23–October 22
Anxiety around intimate relationships is never fun, but today’s clash between Mercury and Uranus can bring up that sensation, Libra. You might feel like your connection to someone you’re close to is threatened for no apparent reason. Gently moving your attention back to your own body and away from any external source of angst can help.
Scorpio
October 23–November 21
With Mercury and Uranus in a tiff today, your relationship zone is experiencing some uncertainty, Scorpio. Conversations with your partner, or even an ex, could be confusing and lead to unnecessary stress. Everyone is being overdramatic, so try not to freak out. Instead of engaging or pushing, wait until after the full moon later this week.
Sagittarius
November 22–December 21
The planet of talking and thinking is in conflict with Uranus, causing the potential for some stress at work today. It may not even be because anything is really happening, Sagittarius, but more just a sense that something isn’t right as you move through your daily tasks. Try not to inadvertently say something gruff to a coworker as you process your own feelings.
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Capricorn
December 22–January 19
The energy is just plain edgy and weird today, Capricorn, especially regarding love and romance. You might feel simultaneously overexcited about something (or someone) but also totally out of control. The result is a feeling of WTF, and you prefer to feel grounded whenever possible. Reconnect your mind and body and let whatever you can’t control go.
Aquarius
January 20–February 18
Mercury is in your sign, and today the communication planet is causing a ruckus with Uranus, your modern ruler, currently in your home zone. This could result in floating anxiety about some kind of domestic issue, but it can easily lead to a breakthrough moment, Aquarius. Rather than stress out about it, try to find an ingenious way to address any complications.
Pisces
February 19–March 20
The communication planet is in a strained relationship with the planet of surprise today, Pisces. This can cause some friction in your conversations because Uranus is in your third house of talking and thinking. It’s easy to accidentally project feelings buried deep in your subconscious onto others. Try to process your own anxiety before taking it out on someone that you love.
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There are approximately five thousand days in the month of January—and yet somehow February (and its mid-month celebration of *all things love*) always creeps up on you. But don’t panic: The latest TikTok trend has you covered this Valentine’s Day, whether you’re showering your romantic partner, all your besties, or yourself with TLC.
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At 1.2 billion TikTok views and counting, bae baskets are making a major splash, and for good reason. The concept isn’t complicated: Put together a care package of sorts, filled with simple-but-swoon-worthy goodies that feel unique and personal to your recipient. It’s a super thoughtful (not to mention low-effort) way to show your A team you notice and care about the things that bring them joy—and the best part? It can be totally wallet-friendly, and definitely doesn’t seem like you waited until the last possible second to grab them a gift.
To get you inspired to build your own Valentine’s Day gift basket, we scoured the shelves at CVS—because nothing can beat the convenience of CVS if you’re a last-minute shopper—and rounded up eight essentials that anyone on your love list is guaranteed to appreciate and *actually* use. Think: cozy pillows for your favorite homebody, candles and beauty products for the self-care connoisseur, and plenty of sweet treats for, well, everyone.
Bonus: They’re all under $25—which you can brag about to your friends who love to budget, or keep as your best-kept secret (we won’t tell)—and with CVS ExtraCare, you can get additional savings and Extrabucks back on tons of Valentine’s Day finds. So grab a wicker box, a shower caddy, or a canvas bag, and start filling bae baskets for every love in your life (reminder: that includes you).
Start your bae basket with a festive and romantic base (extra points for one that fills up some space). This white, faux fur pillow is a fun seasonal add to any couch, bed, or cozy chair, and serves as an understated invitation to snuggle.
You can never have enough candles, and this soy blend—made with rose and tonka for a warm, sweet, and spicy scent that’ll linger in any space—serves as a reminder to relax and relish in a little self-care. Mood lighting, activated.
Keep the self-care session going strong with healing bath salts that help relax the body and moisturize the skin (and they smell like summertime). The hibiscus and berry extracts form a soothing foam and give the tub a red tint that feels *very* seasonally appropriate. Feeling fancy? Toss in some rose petals to really give your bath-themed basket some extra pizzazz.
There’s no greater love than BFF love—and adding friendship bracelets to your bae basket is a sweet way to acknowledge that. Gift your #1 this pack of eight, dish them out to your closest crew, or stack them all on your own wrist (because, ICYMI, it’s very cool to be your own best pal).
The TikToksphere loves bae baskets almost as much as it loves Stanley tumblers. Skip the investment and nestle this heart-fluttering dupe into your care package for better hydration on Valentine’s Day and beyond. Toss in a couple boxes of Sweethearts Conversation Hearts to round out the theme.
A new tube of lip tint will have all your beauty-loving besties blowing kisses. This long-lasting formula from Maybelline glides on smoothly and leaves a soft, matte finish on your pout—and it comes in 10 buildable and blendable shades. From February 9 to 15, you can get $6 Extrabucks when you buy two tubes, so go ahead and grab one for yourself.
No bae basket is complete without chocolate (yes, even for the S.O.s who claim they don’t like dessert). From coconut, to raspberry velvet, to sugar cookie, there’s a surprise filling for everyone in this box of 14 truffles.
No need to choose between chocolate or gummies this Valentine’s Day (or, um, ever). Instead, pair your Godiva chocolates with this heart-shaped carton of classic Haribo bears. With ExtraCare, you can buy one and get the second box 50 percent off. How sweet is that?
