Your lunar guide to dating and relationships

Ever notice how your love life seems to flow effortlessly sometimes—multiple summer fling options, flirting game’s on point, and zero alcohol required! While at other moments, it’s all burnout and rejection?

As it turns out, the moon might be influencing all these highs and lows. According to intuitive coach and relationship expert Alexandra Roxo, each lunar phase is believed to exert a distinct sway on your energy levels and emotions—potentially impacting how you show up on a date. Which is why, if you plan your encounters according to its cycle, you might just find a new sense of ease when it comes to romance.

“The moon represents the subconscious, the unknown, the ultimate feminine,” she says. “It’s really fun to chart your love life by [it], because it gives you a different perspective than the Gregorian calendar.” (That’s the seasonal, solar schedule the entire Western world operates on, FYI.)

“It’s really fun to chart your love life by the moon, because it gives you a different perspective.”

The lunar connection is especially strong for women, says Roxo, who co-created Moon Club with The Numinous founder Ruby Warrington. That’s because your four-phase menstrual rhythm directly mirrors its own ebb and flow—even if you don’t ovulate on the full moon and bleed on the new one. (Goals!) “Our bodies are cyclical,” she explains. “You should be really aware of your menstrual [calendar] because that’s such an integral part of this process, too. You don’t want to plan a first date on the first day of your period.”

So, where to start? While you could go really deep into analyzing the stars, Roxo says that just knowing the basics of each stage’s “mood” is a good place to begin when you want to use it to your amorous advantage.

Will the celestial orb magically transform a so-so connection into something out of a rom-com? Sorry, but no. What it could do, however, is shift your attitude—which may be enough to take a date from meh to mind-blowing.

Here’s how to plan your love life by the cycles of the moon.

New moon: Make a plan

Every lunar cycle starts with a new moon—a single day when the planet’s dark and invisible in the sky—and this is traditionally a good time for intention setting.

“Energetically, you get a new beginning [at this time],” says Roxo. For the unattached, it’s the most powerful period of the month to update your online dating profile or switch up your photo. And no matter what your status, it’s an opportunity to come up with some love goals. “If you’re single, you could [decide] to smile at one new person every day,” she suggests. “And if you’re in a relationship, this is a good time to check in about what you want to try together.”

To make it extra official, you could plan a ceremony around your romantic intentions. “The act of ritualizing something solidifies the commitment in your mind, body, and spirit,” says the intuitive coach. Break out the crystal crowns and vision board supplies!

Waxing moon: Just do it

There are roughly two weeks between a new and full lunar phase, during which the satellite appears to be growing larger in the sky. The energy here is all about taking action on your intentions. “It’s a good time to get things off the ground,” says Roxo. “Whatever it is, the moon’s on your side.”

This is also an ideal period for first dates, taking trips together, and introducing bae to friends and family. But Roxo warns that the waxing gibbous’ expansive energy can be a double-edged sword, particularly where recently formed relationships are concerned. “You might have that feeling of rose-colored glasses,” she explains. “You’re more open to people, so you might not notice if someone is annoying. It’s good to go on a date with someone and then go again two weeks later before you make a decision about them.”

Full moon: Get busy

“Historically, the full moon was a time of celebration—like, let’s dance, let’s drink,” explains Roxo, referring to the time of the month when la luna’s at her highest point in the sky, shining the brightest. No coincidence, it’s also the phase associated with ovulation and peak libido.

“This is when you want to amplify your intention,” she advises. “How can we take it to the next level and celebrate the shit out of it?” For instance, if your goal’s to start having more sex with your partner, you could try bringing in some different moves or toys.

What you don’t want to do is plan any extra-special dates or milestones, since full moons are believed to bring out the crazy in people. And if you really can’t avoid it? “Just be careful about drinking too much or having a fight,” cautions the relationship pro. Time to check out a sober social gathering, perhaps?

Waning moon: Schedule solo time

The final two weeks of the lunar cycle are all about slowing your roll and letting things happen organically. “The waning moon is when the energy quiets down a bit,” says Roxo. “You’ve been putting in effort—now, just go with what feels good.”

If you need to have a serious, state-of-the-union conversation with your SO, she recommends having it in the early part of this period. “The energy isn’t so high that you’re going to make irrational decisions; you’re coming from a place of realism,” she explains. “These are the perfect conversations to have as you [prepare to set new intentions].”

And finally, if living by the moon heightens your emotions, it’s important not to fight it. “Feelings always come up when we expand and grow and try [different] things,” Roxo says. “Do some self care, give yourself the space you need, write in your journal. Make sure you’re taking enough you time to be quiet and reflect.” After all, the next cycle will start before you know it—better rest up.

Two other unexpected ways to amp up your love life: cannabis and Kundalini yoga.