8 essential tools to help you survive Mercury retrograde

There’s been a lot of effort in the last few years to give Mercury retrograde a positive rebrand. You know, it’s a transit that allows you to slow down, reconnect to people with whom you’ve lost touch, energetically cleanse… blah, blah, blah. I’d believe that if we lived in some utopian fairy tale, but here in reality we have to go to work on time, deal with malfunctioning keyboards, make cohesive date plans with some weirdo who only wants to talk on WhatsApp (what?), and survive this rat bastard transit. Retrograde sucks always, and that’s why some Mercury retrograde protection feels like a must.

That’s why if you’re looking to get out of this Mercury retrograde or the two that follow in 2020, you might want to invest a little bit in some cosmically inclined self-care. Here are a few gems—sometimes literal gems—from Etsy that can help make retrograde be a whole lot less depressing. Oh, and make sure you get a tracking number.

1. Mercury Retrograde Bracelet, $26

Sure, you could just carry a pouch of crystals on you, but if that’s going to cause a lot of pocket clattering, you might just want to accessorize. This particular bracelet infuses the power of amazonite, blue flash labradorite, hematite and black tourmaline. Black tourmaline is one of my go-to protection stones, ready to absorb any bad energy. Labradorite can keep things from getting lost in translation. Labradorite will help you slow down and hematite will ground you when it feels like your head is spinning.

2. Can We Talk After The Retrograde Pin, $8

If you’re someone with natural introvert energy (looking at you, negative zodiac signs) talking to people isn’t necessarily your forte anyway. Here’s a cute little “Back Off” sign that you can snap to your jacket until Mercury gets itself together.

3. Mercury Retrograde Stickers, $10

Cute, practical, an easy gift for your more organized and grounded Earth sign friend. You know, the Virgo or Capricorns who don’t really “believe in astrology” until their spreadsheets start malfunctioning and they text you like, “Is Mercury backpedaling AGAIN?” Get them, and yourself, these little friends so you’re always prepared for the impending technological storm.

4. Mercury Retrograde Candle, $15

This blend is specifically curated for the three Mercury retrogrades of 2020, and conveniently lists those dates so you never, EVER forget. When you come home after a monster commute from work—delayed trains, miles of traffic, etc.⁠—use this bad boy to ground and calm you. It’s got decorated peppercorns, cloves, and some handy dandy black tourmaline to give it an extra dose of magic.

5. Mercury RetroBabe Sweatshirt, $45

Not every guard against Mercury has to be strictly mystical! Yes, this can keep you toasty warm when you’re waiting an extra 12 minutes for your Uber. I’m sold, though, because that retro aesthetic is super cute. Great for fierce Leos planning to command this retrograde, Cancers that are going to stay at home and sit this one out (classic Cancer), and me, a Taurus who likes pretty things and needs a solid replacement for her old Simpsons sweatshirt.

6. Lapis Lazuli Worry Stone, $10

And now back to your regularly scheduled crystals… Aside from being extremely gorgeous lapis lazuli is one of the most potent allies you can keep on your person during Mercury woes. For one thing, it’s a great stone for opening your throat chakra, meaning it can help you express yourself during such a communication sensitive time. And since it’s a worry stone, feel free to self-soothe and smooth your hand over it when your retrograde anxieties peak.

7. Be You Affirmation Cards, $23

Mercury is by no mean a sexy planet (leave that to Mars and Venus), and yet it still plays with our emotions in an indirect way. The first retrograde of the year, Mercury in Pisces, is going to make everyone super sensitive. We’re going to be doughy, sniffly adult-babies who are feeling all the feelings. When it all gets too much, these beautiful affirmation cards are there for you. Pick one up and remind yourself that you’re amazing, your boss didn’t mean what he said, and this transit will all be over soon.

8. Salt Bath Set, $10

Speaking of sensitivities, astrologer and intuitive healer Rachel Lang suggested that in order to guard yourself from negative energy, you might want to draw yourself a salt bath. And that doesn’t mean pouring a bunch of Morton’s into your tub (although, you know, in a pinch). You might want to try out this blend: it features Himalayan Sea Salt, coconut cream, arrow root powder, roses, marigolds, lavender and essential oil of tuberose, simultaneously luxuriating your skin and washing off whatever frightful conversations you had that day.

As much as Mercury retrograde blows, you can actually repair your life during Mercury retroshade. Or learn what the most calming home decor tweak for your zodiac sign.