How to be cool with your ex’s new partner, according to Nikki Reed and Nina Dobrev

It happens all the time: A young celeb couple breaks up (publicly, of course), they start seeing other people, and the media fabricates a feud between exes—namely, pitting the ex-girlfriend against the new flame.

Well, Nina Dobrev and Nikki Reed are trying to put the kibosh on that. In a series of matching BFF Instagramposts last night, the two actresses posed with Reed’s husband Ian Somerhalder (who starred in The Vampire Diaries with ex-girlfriend Dobrev) with beaming smiles and inspiring captions, ending rumors of the supposed hate and jealousy between them.

Ever since Somerhalder and Dobrev ended their relationship years ago, there has been vicious gossip saying Reed and Dobrev were in a toxic love triangle with him—but they’re so over the whole frenemy thing. And after trying to ignore the rumors, they’ve realized it only fuels the fire of more lies.

“We believe we have a moral responsibility to young girls to end that narrative.”

“We believe we have a moral responsibility to young girls to end that narrative,” writes Reed on her Instagram. “At the end of all of this, those young girls are the ones who lose.” She points out that their passion for a TV show “is taken advantage of, replaced with feelings of anger through divisive techniques.” Basically, fans are reading about toxic dynamics just as their viewpoints on female dynamics are being formed.

“Teaching girls that you have to hate other girls only breeds a generation of women who believe you have to hate other women,” adds Reed.

Somerhalder and Dobrev agree, and on their captions urge people to instead focus on respect and kindness—because women should only lift each other up (especially in today’s political landscape). Um, talk about #breakupgoals.

To be even more of a healthy relationship pro, here’s how to come out of a breakup even better than you were before. And P.S., your perfect match may be written in the stars—here’s some horoscope how-to for finding your next S.O.