We all know that an amazing romp in the sheets can be a game-changer for your mind, body, and mood. Whether it manifests as a post-O glow, post-coital creativity, or a bounce in your step, there’s a term for this extra pep in your step: sexual energy. This sense of vigor may arise as a result of partnered or solo activities, and it can make us more vivacious in different ways. “Sexual energy is a term used to describe a type of feeling that radiates deep in your body; it’s an energy that is connective and creative,” says Erin Panzarella, a trauma-informed spiritual mentor and quantum healer based in New York. And while many people are most familiar with the full-body buzz sexual energy spurs after partnered—or multi-partnered—play, sexual energy can be experienced outside of sex, says Panzarella.

In fact, if you haven’t cultivated your sexual energy outside of your sexual experiences yet, Panzarella recommends finding ways to connect to your sexuality in and out of sex ASAP. Doing so can put you in touch with your most authentic self, as well as facilitate happier, healthier relationships, and a more robust life overall, she says. Intrigued? Read on to learn all about what sexual energy is and how to cultivate it with yourself, as well as with a partner. Plus, learn about a few common sexual energy depleters that will run your sensual well dry and how to avoid them.

What is sexual energy?

Ask one hundred different people what “sex” means and you’ll get just as many answers. (Actually, one study¹ did just this and got 41 different answers!). This is also the case with sexual energy. Most of the general population uses the term “sexual energy” to refer to sexual spark, sexual feelings, or sexual desire for another person (or people), says AASECT-certified Sex Educator and Love Coach Suzannah Weiss, CES, MA, resident sexologist for Fleshy and author of Subjectified: Becoming a Sexual Subject. It’s a term thrown around when someone’s sexual feelings are accompanied by an internal pull, pulse, or internal knowing, she says. (In some contexts, the sexual energy in question would be more accurately understood as sexual tension, sex drive, or even libido).

“Followers of tantra honor the link of sex and spirituality, recognizing that everything is interconnected and we can celebrate pleasure in all forms.” —Alexandria Saunders, PhD, AASECT-certified sex therapist and a tantric coach

Other pleasure-seekers use the term to refer to the sensations during solo sex, partnered sex, or group sex, says Alexandria Saunders, PhD, AASECT-certified sex therapist and a tantric coach who uses spiritual, mystical, and clinical interventions to support clients. “It could be used to talk about practically anything and everything related to sex, including the build-up to orgasm, orgasm, and the release of ejaculate,” she says.

Meanwhile, tantric practitioners and folks who are otherwise spiritual likely have a different definition. In tantra, a Hindu and Buddhist tradition and practice rooted in liberation, all energy is sexual energy, says Dr. Saunders. Tantra followers use the term “sexual energy” to refer to any energy, connection, joy, or creativity in their lives, she explains. The idea is that sexual energy is life energy, as the two cannot be untangled. The thing is, while exact definitions of sexual energy vary, all acknowledge that sexual energy is powerful and potent. They all posit sexual energy as a thing that can connect you more concretely to yourself, other people, and in tantric practitioners, the universe.

What is the spiritual power of sexual energy?

Ultimately, understanding the spiritual power of sexual energy is dependent on you and your beliefs. “Many belief systems believe sexual energy is an expression of the soul’s connection to the cosmos and the rest of the universe,” says Panzarella. From a tantric perspective, however, all sex and sexual energy are spiritually significant, adds Dr. Saunders. “Followers of tantra honor the link of sex and spirituality, recognizing that everything is interconnected and we can celebrate pleasure in all forms,” Dr. Saunders says. However, you don’t have to be religious or otherwise spiritual to experience—or cultivate—sexual energy. So, if the idea that sexual energy is spiritually powerful feels uncomfortable—or downright inconceivable—to you given your own belief system, don’t fret about it. As you’ll see below, sexual energy is something you can feel and grow, even if you yourself identify with other aspects of spirituality.

How do you know if you have high sexual energy?

Sexual energy cannot be measured by an at-home test the same way blood pressure, your heart rate, or basal body temperature can, says Weiss. “It’s a subjective experience,” she explains. As such, determining whether you have lower or higher sexual energy is going to require you to reflect on your life and the way pleasure and creativity show up in your life currently, says Panzarella. Your high sexual energy might manifest during sex and other intimate moments in myriad ways, including not overthinking during sex, enjoying the sensation of touch, becoming easily aroused, feeling confident in your (naked) body and skin, and being comfortable touching your own body, as well as the bodies of others, says Panzarella. Outside of sex, high sexual energy might look like being excited by adventure, feeling passionate about projects, work, or the people in your daily life, making sounds when you’re experiencing pleasure, and otherwise beaming with creativity, she says.

On the flip side, low sexual energy can look and feel like being uncomfortable with touch, not having an interest in solo and/or partnered sex, experiencing no pleasure (or even pain) during sex, or not enjoying being or seeing yourself naked, Panzarella adds. “Low sexual energy can also look like feeling stuck in your day-to-day life, nit-picking your body or partner, lack of creativity, and a general feeling of being not grounded,” she says. Of course, having low sexual energy or high sexual energy is not inherently good or bad and how these energy levels present will vary from person to person.

Worth noting: A scale called the Sexual Energy Scale (SES) was proposed in a 2000 study published in the Fertility and Sterility² Journal. The SES is a simple scale that involves patients rating their own sexual energy on a scale of 1 to 10. While researchers ultimately found that it is as valid and accurate a measure of sex drive, pleasure, and vitality as the respected Changes in Sexual Functioning Questionnaire (CSFQ), it never caught on. These days, sexual health practitioners and clinicians looking for an official measurement use the CSFQ instead.

How do I activate my sexual energy?

Did your self-reflection reveal that your sexual energy is on the low end? Interested in giving it a boost, or keeping it at its current state? Good news: There are a few ways to do just that. (And no, none of them involve masturbating so much that you hurt yourself.).

1. Get naked

Sure, this might mean getting naked and then getting it on, but Panzarella says that even just looking at yourself naked in a mirror can cultivate sexual energy. “You can start by just looking at your whole body,” she says. But once you feel more comfortable, she suggests getting a hand mirror (like the Nyssa Self-Check mirror) to investigate your intimate areas. No doubt, if you’ve never looked at your genitals in the mirror before, this can be uncomfortable at first. But “as you look, try to remember that you are looking in order to positively impact your own life,” she says.

2. Add romance to your rooms

Your definition of romantic doesn’t have to be my definition of romantic, and it certainly doesn’t have to align with the stuff of rom-coms. Still, Corina Crysler, transformational astrologer and solo sacred sexuality mentor suggests designing a room (or small section of a room) in your home with romance in mind. Devoting a physical space that helps you feel relaxed, amorous, and well, sensual can make you feel like you’re perpetually being seduced in the best way.

3. Breathe

Breathing sounds super simple, right? It is! Carving out some time to do breathwork can do a lot for your sexual energy. Panzarella recommends trying a closed-mouth technique called “breath of fire,” which she says is forceful and energizing. “It involves taking a deep inhale and exhaling through your nose, then inhaling halfway through your nose before forcefully exhaling as you press your stomach,” she explains. If that feels too complicated, Crysler suggests doing two quick inhales through the nose and a longer exhale at least three to seven minutes per day. If you’re not in the habit of using intentional breathing exercises, consider setting a phone reminder or alarm to turn it into a regular practice.

4. Move your body

“Getting out of your head and into your body is a great way to enhance your own sexual energy,” says Panzarella. You might try putting on a sensual song (sup, The Weeknd) that makes you feel things and close your eyes and let the music move you, she says. As you dance, shimmy and shake, and try putting your hands on your body as this can enhance the sensuality of the moment to an even greater degree, she says. Another option is to roll out a yoga mat and give Kundalini Yoga a whirl. “ Kundalini Yoga is a great practice for activating and harnessing your own sexual energy, as it involves a number of breathwork practices that work with the sacral chakra and root chakra to help you enhance your energy,” she adds. (Both the root and sacral chakras are located in the pelvic region).

5. Let your creativity out

Creating something—painting, drawing, writing, playing music, etc.—can help you tap into the energy of doing something because it feels good, not because you’re trying to reach an end goal, says Panzarella.“It may seem counter-intuitive, but this energy translates beautifully to sexual experiences,” she says. The most important thing here is not having an end goal, so do your best to free yourself of the pressure of having a finished project, poem, or painting.

6. Take a sensual shower

Often, cultivating sexual energy starts by increasing mindfulness during day-to-day activities, according to Weiss. The next time you’re showering, she suggests paying attention to how the soap feels against your skin. Then, notice how the suds feel as they’re getting washed away. Finally, noticxe how the towel feels as it dries you off. “This will set you up to become more aware of any sexual sensations in your body,” she says.

7. Masturbate mindfully

Activating sexual energy isn’t supposed to be a buzz-buzz rush job. So, rather than reaching for your go-to toy or using the technique that gets you off in two seconds flat, Crysler recommends spending some time really enjoying your body through self-touch. It can also be helpful to take a no-rules approach to masturbation. This means touching your body however you feel drawn to, whether that means on your chest or neck, arms or legs, or your bum and bits. It also means using whatever part of your hand—nails, fingertips, palm—or prodcut in your pleasure collection you see fit.

8. Journal every day

Sexual energy is all about self-exploration and harnessing a mind-body connection. So, in addition to doing embodied practices—like yoga or masturbating—you’ll also need to do some mental work, says Crysler. “Journaling every day is important to create a container of awareness, of understanding who you are and what you want,” Crysler says.

How do I transmute my sexual energy?

As you start to explore the world of sexual energy, one of the terms that will likely come up is “sexual transmutation,” but what does it mean? Sexual transmutation is the act of having your own sexual energy expand from your body to the things, people, and universe around and beyond you, says Crysler. It’s something that allows you to co-create with the universe and ultimately to attract the things you desire into your life, she says. In other words, it’s the exact opposite of activating your sexual energy. Instead, sexual transmutation—aka sexual sublimation, a term coined by Sigmund Freud—is about recognizing your sexual desires and channeling them into something else to deflect from those sexual wants (ex. waking up horny and going for a run to release pent-up energy instead of masturbating).

While the two terms are often used interchangeably in conversations about sexual energy, it’s important to know the difference between activating your sexual energy and transmuting your sexual energy as the end goals are strikingly different. That said, if you searched “sexual transmutation” and were looking for ways to take your sexual energy to the next level, we have you covered.

1. Get (and give) a tantric massage

“Tantric massage, which can be done by a professional or with a partner, is a great way to allow touch to transmute sexual energy throughout your body,” says Dr. Saunders. Sometimes called a yoni massage, tantric massage uses touch to spread sexual energy throughout the body, she says. To give your partner a tantric massage, have them lie down (ideally naked) on a comfortable surface. Start by offering a simple massage to the arms, legs, and back to relax the body. Once you get the green light to move towards their genitals and other erogenous zones, touch with tenderness and make it clear that there are no expectations or goals of orgasm, she says. “:“As you are massaging, imagine the energy from your hands transmuting into their body at each point of contact,” says Dr. Saunders. You should feel like you are worshiping, or making love to their body, with your hands. Encourage them to release whatever noises they feel moved to make, to take deep breaths, and to make mouth sounds, she adds.

2. Try sex magic

Once you’re a master of mindful masturbation, take your solo sex practice to the next level by creating a mantra or making an intention prior to touching yourself, suggests Crysler. These mantras and intentions could be specifically about sex and your body or could narrow in on your relationships or work life.

Some examples include:

• “I feel comfortable communicating my desires.”
• “I am going to get that raise.”
• “I love my body.”
• “My body is a portal of pleasure.”

As you masturbate, visualize this intention literally moving through your body, beginning at the pelvic floor or sacral area and expanding out from there into the collective consciousness, explains Crysler. As you touch yourself, Dr. Saunders says you should try to embody how it would feel to obtain whatever you desire. “As you allow yourself to orgasm, imagine the entirety of the desire coming true. Feel it, see it, embody the desire as yours,” she says. If your sexual energy is ripe as a juicy melon, you’ll be able to manifest your dream. Yes, really. And if not, well, hopefully, you can at least bring an amazing orgasm to life.

3. Talk about things!

This tip for sharing your sexual energy may not be quite as hands-on as the other two, however, it’s non-negotiable if you’re looking to build sexual energy with a partner, according to Dr. Saunders. Failure to communicate with your partner(s) outside of the bedroom is going to make it tough to have a sexually enriching experience in the bedroom, she says. Plus, “if you’re not communicating in an open way outside the bedroom, it’s probably not happening inside the bedroom,” she says. Fair.

Her suggestion: Make sure you’re talking to your partner about how you feel, speaking up in moments when you feel neglected or unsupported, and otherwise sharing about your day. When you move to the bedroom, continue this practice by offering compliments, direction, and otherwise making sounds that help translate the experience you’re having.

What drains your sexual energy?

“Many things can deplete sexual energy—but the biggest drain to sexual energy is not being embodied during sex or pleasure,” she says. In other words, suppressing your needs or having a negative mindset around sex is typically an instant turnoff for many people. Take a more in-depth look at common sexual energy drains ahead.

1. Being close-minded about the practice

If you’re trying to activate your sexual energy in an eye-roll, if-I-have-to sort of way, then you’re not likely to get incredible results. There needs to be genuine trust in the process. “We have to understand that this is a consciousness that we have to be in resonance with,” says Crysler. “If we are not open to this, it’s likely that the energy will not manifest in the ways you desire.”

2. Maintaining a negative state of mind

“What we attract matches our personal energy,” Crysler says. “Therefore, things like sexual shame, guilt, fear, resentment, anger, and lack of gratitude can all create stagnation of transmutation,” she says, which ultimately stops the creation of the energy that you’re hoping to create, she explains. Rest assured, you have nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to showcasing your sexual energy. After all, “this is an expression of who you are, shadows and light,” Crysler says. So, if you’re unable to shake these emotions on your own, consider working with a sex therapist who can help you understand where your sexual shame and fears are coming from, and then overcome them.

“Evaluate who you are sharing your time and body with. Is it good for you, or draining?” —Corina Crysler, transformational astrologer and solo sacred sexuality mentor

3. You’re maintaining draining relationships

Nope, energy vampires and harmful relationships are not allowed here! If your partner or someone else in your life is sucking away your energy, putting you down, or otherwise giving you bad vibes, it may be time to reconsider their place in your life for the sake of your sexual energy and your mental and emotional well-being. “This can be any relationship, but especially if it is sexual,” says Crysler. “Evaluate who you are sharing your time and body with. Is it good for you, or draining?”

4. Having sex you don’t like

Face it: It’s pretty unlikely that you’re gonna want to have sex if the kind of sex you’re having is unenjoyable. Maybe you’re only ever having sex when you’re tired, or you’re banging your partner twice as much as you actually want because they have a higher libido and you feel obliged, or you don’t (yet) feel comfortable asking for what you want in bed. Whatever the reason, having this kind of sex (read: unwanted sex) is a serious drain on your sexual energy.

Your move: First, find a way to respectfully tell your partner when you’re not in the mood for sex. (This can be as easy as saying, “I’m not in the mood right now.”) Then, work with them—perhaps with the help of a therapist—to talk about the kind of sex you actually want to have. Here, it may be helpful to learn about one another’s erotic blueprints, fill out a yes-no-maybe list together, or read Emily Nagoski’s latest book, Come Together. Trust, doing so won’t just raise your sexual energy, it will improve overall satisfaction, which research shows will improve life satisfaction, as supported by this 2016 study³ published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.

What causes too much sexual energy?

Too much sexual energy usually goes by another name: Sexual frustration. “Many people have had the experience of too much built-up sexual energy and sexual frustration,” says Dr. Saunders. Often it manifests with individuals feeling like they are about to explode with sexual energy, like a balloon next to a furnace. It can also feel like heat, edginess, restlessness, and even anger and agitation, she says. ”Some people feel unable to focus, have poor sleep quality, and feel prone to fights when they have too much sexual energy.”

Similarly, Panzarella adds that having too much sexual energy is usually a sign that something is off in other parts of your life. “This experience indicates that there is an imbalance of your overall energy, that you may be avoiding hard emotions, or that you have had some past trauma or hard dilemma that you need to address,” she says. So, if you feel like you have too much sexual energy, Panzarella suggests treating it like a “check engine” light for your life. If you’re unsure what “too much sexual energy” feels like, a  mental healthcare provider can be helpful in determining the overflow of sexual energy. Meanwhile, a mental health professional who specializes in sex can be helpful if your heightened sexual energy is causing you to have intrusive sexual thoughts, behave compulsively—aka in a way that’s hypersexual—or otherwise engage with sex in a way that is negatively impacting your life or relationships in any way, she says.

Final thoughts

Sexual energy is powerful, and whe it’s heightened, it can lead individuals to feel more creative, romantically fulfilled, confident in their bodies, and generally happier. As such, implementing practices that increase sexual energy—if that’s your goal—while minimizing sexual drains, is key for your overall well-being. So, get out your wands and prepare to cast a spell for greater sexual energy—we recommend one that vibrates.