Night falls, and quiet permeates the house. A cloud moves across the moon, the wind rustles through the trees. All is still—but something approaches. A prowler, a nightmare? No, no. It’s the “sundown scaries,” the anticipatory fear and anxiety that can strike parents in the evening before bed. Conversation has been churning on social media, with a handful of TikToks about “sundown scaries” garnering hundreds of thousands of views. The videos, and many of the comments, bemoan how little people talk about the phenomenon when it is apparently so common. Even if it’s not a clinical diagnosis, it’s certainly something many parents feel.
clinical psychologist with board certification in behavioral sleep medicine, and associate professor of psychology and pediatrics at Indiana University School of Medicine
“It’s definitely one of those things that no one prepared me for, that sense of dread or doom when the sun goes down,” says infant sleep specialist Rachel Shepard-Ohta on TikTok. “It almost feels like this homesickness in a way. It’s just a very sad, scary feeling every night.”
This feeling of foreboding that creeps in as the sun sets can become all too common during the winter months when the sun sets at an incredibly rude 4:30 pm. That’s known as “sunset anxiety,” and it’s linked to the natural drop in mood and energy that occurs in the evening. But those emotions can be even more dramatic for new parents—or really, anyone who deals with nighttime wakings, whether or not the cause is a howling infant. Darkness is “a very salient cue that night, and whatever it brings, is coming,” clinical psychologist Sarah Honaker, PhD, an associate professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at Indiana University School of Medicine, tells Well+Good.
Why is the evening so scary?
The evening can spark negative emotions for parents in a few ways. In the pre-baby era, the hours before bed probably consisted of taking time for yourself, having some fun, and winding down. With a newborn, that can actually be the time when laundry and dirty bottles pile up, and you don’t even have the energy to tackle them. In those moments, the overwhelm is real. At the same time, you might also feel anticipation about the physical agony awaiting you once you do manage to get horizontal. The contrast between what you were used to feeling in the night (relaxation) and what you face now (fatigue, care for another human being) can prompt those doldrums.
“Previously, you maybe had an idea that as the sun goes down, your responsibilities are also winding down,” Honaker says. “When you have a newborn, that is definitely no longer the case.”
Or maybe your little one makes the change in your lifestyle even more apparent. Some parents experience “witching hours,” when babies can be naturally more fussy during the evening (and when parents are naturally more tired). Want to end your day by stopping in at your favorite neighborhood pizza place? Or maybe even just relaxing with a glass of wine at home? Sorry, that’s not gonna happen with a tired baby. While exhausted from a long day, missing out on those past rituals can be its own sunset scary bitterness.
Pre-bedtime stress could even make it harder to get some shut-eye. This ZZZ-robbing sleep anxiety can make you even more nervous about the night.
“Nothing is worse than finally falling asleep and then having that cry wake you 30 minutes later,” Honaker says. “And so sometimes [anticipating] that can make it harder to fall asleep as well.”
How to face your (evening) fears
What can be done about the “sunset scaries” to make you feel better? If a baby is keeping you up, Honaker says to remember that this experience is temporary—you will sleep again.
advertisement
But Honaker also advises you to “protect your sleep.” Meaning, you should still try to prioritize sleep hygiene and, as much as possible, stick to a bedtime routine. At the same time, let’s take the pressure off the evenings. You don’t need to let the hour(s) between putting the baby down and your own bedtime be when you make judgements about your life.
“It’s not just about sleep, it’s about your feelings of productivity, your ability to relax, your image of what is a good parent, what is a good woman, what am I supposed to be, and how does that match up with what I am,” Honaker says. “This phenomenon really could get at a lot of those [questions].”
Finally, understand that you are not alone. The fact that there’s a catchy moniker for this emotional experience proves it. “It can be validating to know that the feelings that you’re having are a normal developmental experience and not something that is wrong with you,” Honaker says.
Just like the night, the “sunset scaries” will come to a natural end—whether with the development of your baby, or the passing of the seasons into more hours of daylight. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and know you’re doing your best.
Sign Up for Our Daily Newsletter
Get all the latest in wellness, trends, food, fitness, beauty, and more delivered right to your inbox.
double board-certified family medicine physician specializing in regenerative and hormone health
advertisement
The study, published last week in Environmental Health Perspectives1, collected urine samples from 630 kids ages 4 to 8 after parents were asked to fill out questionnaires about the exact types and brands of skin and hair care products used on the children in the past 24 hours. Concentrations of 16 different types of phthalates—a class of endocrine-disrupting chemicals—were found in the urine samples. Products associated with the highest levels of phthalates were body lotions, body oils, “2-in-1” shampoo and conditioners, and ointments. Black, Asian, and Hispanic children were also found to have higher phthalate urine levels than other sociodemographic groups.
While past studies have only looked at phthalates’ effects on fetuses, this study shows that young children are being consistently exposed to endocrine disruptors—chemicals that have been linked to long-term developmental and reproductive health effects, per the study.
What does this mean for parents; should we all be worried? And are there ways to protect children from phthalates? We spoke with Gowri Reddy Rocco, MD, a double board-certified family medicine physician who specializes in regenerative health and hormones, to learn more.
We’re all exposed to endocrine disruptors, but children are more vulnerable
Many of the personal care products, fragrances, plastic packaging, pre-packaged foods, detergents, perfumes, and plastic water bottles sold in the U.S. have endocrine-disrupting chemicals, particularly phthalates.
“Phthalates are a group of chemicals that help make plastic more pliable and flexible,” says Dr. Rocco. But they can also be found in things like shampoos, lotions, ointments, and other personal care products.
What do these chemicals do in the body? They mimic, block, or interfere with hormones in the body’s endocrine system, per the Endocrine Society. While phthalates typically flush out of our system within two days, per the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the buildup of exposure can have long-term effects, per the study. According to Dr. Rocco, this can include fertility and reproductive issues, including low sperm count and inability to conceive, as well as an increased risk for breast cancer, obesity, and thyroid issues.
More new research has even found these chemicals may cause girls to enter puberty earlier, increasing their future risk of things like heart disease and breast cancer, per a September 2024 paper in Endocrinology2. In young children, endocrine disruptors have also been associated with developmental delays and reproductive health issues in the future, per Dr. Rocco and a December 2015 review in Endocrine Reviews3.
Children are especially vulnerable to the effects of products that touch the skin because they absorb substances more easily than adults, per the Environmental Health Perspectives study. Additionally, children’s organs are more vulnerable to disruptions as they are still developing, says Dr. Rocco.
Should we be worried about these study findings?
Dr. Rocco says we shouldn’t let these findings send us into a panic, but they should definitely raise a healthy level of concern about the chemicals we’re exposed to every day. This study didn’t confirm that skin care products caused negative health outcomes; it simply demonstrated that children’s exposure to harmful chemicals in skin and hair care is frequent and high.
advertisement
Unfortunately, it’s really difficult to limit endocrine-disruptors from our daily lives. These chemicals are in so many things, and the study authors acknowledge this as a gap in their research. (While they did ask parents about their children’s diet and environments, there was no way to tell for sure whether these contributed to elevated phthalate levels or if it was from skin and hair care products alone.)
The study also highlighted that for families with a lower socioeconomic status, less expensive products—which may contain these harmful chemicals—might be their only options. Products labeled “phthalate- or paraben-free” are often more expensive. And even so, certain products labeled “phthalate- and paraben-free” may not actually be completely free from these ingredients, the Environmental Health Perspectives study pointed out.
The study also found that children of color simply used more hair oils and lotions than other groups in general, upping their exposure to harmful chemicals. In fact, it’s possible that some beauty products targeted toward communities of color have higher levels of these chemicals, per an August 2018 paper in Environmental Research4.
Bottom line? These findings underline a major need for change, which starts with stricter FDA regulations on endocrine-disrupting chemicals. “There needs to be a responsibility on the FDA’s part, without a double standard, to protect our children and every body,” says Dr. Rocco. She adds that while the European Union has banned more than 1,300 harmful chemicals from products, the FDA has only banned 11.
So what can we do to keep kids safe?
According to Dr. Rocco, taking small steps to reduce exposure on a regular basis is the key here. Meaning, you don’t have to toss every product in sight right away. “This isn’t doom and gloom; this is just education to improve family’s lives,” she says.
For starters, Dr. Rocco recommends using fewer products on your children in general. They don’t necessarily need all the products advertised for kids, she adds. You can even make DIY lotions, soaps, and other personal care products, she says. And if you are going to buy products, go back to the basics: organic, non-GMO, and free from fragrances, parabens, sulfate, and phthalates.
If you’re having a hard time figuring out which products are best, Dr. Rocco suggests searching products on one of the following websites:
EWG Healthy Living (a free app that can help you identify harmful substances in products)
SkinSAFE (the database used in the study to categorize skin care products, which also has a BabySafe section)
Skin Deep (a database created by the Environmental Working Group)
YUKA (a free app that allows you to scan barcodes of products in store)
You can also reach out to your child’s pediatrician if you need skin and hair care product recommendations.
advertisement
Other ways you can reduce endocrine-disruptor exposure in general include avoiding plastic as much as possible, using stainless steel or glass bottles, using wax paper instead of plastic wrap or sandwich bags, eating more organic fruits and vegetables, getting exercise (which helps you sweat out toxins), and even having houseplants (which can provide more oxygen), Dr. Rocco says.
Bloom, Michael S., et al. “Impact of skin care products on phthalates and phthalate replacements in children: The echo-fgs.” Environmental Health Perspectives, vol. 132, no. 9, Sept. 2024, https://doi.org/10.1289/ehp13937.
Shu Yang, Li Zhang, Kamal Khan, Jameson Travers, Ruili Huang, Vukasin M Jovanovic, Rithvik Veeramachaneni, Srilatha Sakamuru, Carlos A Tristan, Erica E Davis, Carleen Klumpp-Thomas, Kristine L Witt, Anton Simeonov, Natalie D Shaw, Menghang Xia, Identification of Environmental Compounds That May Trigger Early Female Puberty by Activating Human GnRHR and KISS1R, Endocrinology, Volume 165, Issue 10, October 2024, bqae103, https://doi.org/10.1210/endocr/bqae103
Gore, A C et al. “EDC-2: The Endocrine Society’s Second Scientific Statement on Endocrine-Disrupting Chemicals.” Endocrine reviews vol. 36,6 (2015): E1-E150. doi:10.1210/er.2015-1010
Helm, Jessica S., et al. “Measurement of endocrine disrupting and asthma-associated chemicals in hair products used by black women.” Environmental Research, vol. 165, Aug. 2018, pp. 448–458, https://doi.org/10.1016/j.envres.2018.03.030.
When I was a kid, the start of school always had me feeling all the feels. There was excitement about fresh starts, anxiety about the unknown, and sadness about leaving the carefree days of summer behind. While I never really gave much thought to what my mom and dad were feeling at the time, it’s a solid bet they were going through their own roller coaster of emotions. It’s true: back-to-school stress happens to parents, too.
Behind kids who are nervous to return to the classroom are often equally worried parents. “Transitions often trigger anxiety, and back-to-school is no different,” says Catherine Nobile, PsyD, a New York-based psychologist. “The uncertainty and unfamiliarity of the next chapter often leads to stress for both children and their parents,” Nobile says. This stress can be so intense, in fact, that 60 percent of parents admit it’s driven them to tears, according to a recent survey of 1,000 parents in the U.S. by Life360.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. There are ways to calm down those back-to-school jitters for the whole family, leading to a smoother transition this school year. Read on to learn Nobile’s top tips.
Back-to-school anxiety isn’t just for kids
If you think about it, back-to-school season is the perfect storm of stressors for caregivers. According to Nobile, back-to-school challenges for most parents usually boils down to three main things: time, money, and concern for their kids’ well-being.
Time-related stress
“Time is the most significant pressure point,” for most parents, Nobile says. Between early morning school drop-offs, homework, after-school activities, and home and work responsibilities, it can feel like there’s never enough hours in the day to do it all. As you try to juggle all your commitments, you might “feel a sense of spinning out of control,” she says. Case in point: More than half the parents in the Life360 survey said they struggle to fit in all the day’s activities while balancing personal and professional obligations.
To stay on top of things, many parents create detailed family schedules. But ironically, this scheduling can even be a time-sucking activity, especially when you’re coordinating multiple people’s calendars. In fact, most parents spend a whopping 17 hours per week (equivalent to two full workdays) managing their family schedules, per the Life360 survey.
This time suck alone can be enough to overwhelm any family system.
Financial stress
Back-to-school season can also be expensive. You’ve got to account for backpacks, textbooks, calculators, laptops…those school supply lists are also often long. On top of that, you may need to buy new outfits for the school year, including clothes that meet specific uniform or dress code requirements. And let’s not forget all the extra fees for sports, after-school activities, and field trips. “The costs really add up,” Nobile says.
advertisement
No kidding: On average, most parents typically spend $458 per child (plus an additional $175 replacing things their kids lose throughout the school year), according to the Life360 survey. Unsurprisingly, money was the top cause of back-to-school stress for more than half of surveyed parents. This financial burden can be especially challenging for families with multiple children or those on tight budgets, Nobile says.
Emotional stress
As a parent, you worry about your child’s well-being all day, every day. It just comes with the territory. But back-to-school season can kick up a whole new crop of concerns for parents, specifically around safety (it’s the number three reason for back-to-school stress, per the Life360 survey).
While school should be a safe place for every kid, sadly, that’s not always the case. Bullying is a reality for many children—about 40 percent of youth reported they were bullied at school in 2023, according to the Youth Right Now survey by the Boys & Girls Clubs of America. The rise in school shootings is another real threat. The odds of a child going through a school shooting has quadrupled since 1970 (while the rate of death from school shootings has increased more than sixfold), per an April 2024 study in the Journal of the American College of Surgeons1. With these statistics, it’s no wonder parents are worried about sending their kids back to school.
On top of threats to safety, parents are also anxious about how their kids will handle other day-to-day social and academic pressures of school, Nobile says. They worry: “Will my child make friends in the lunchroom?” Will they be able to keep up with the workload? Will they develop bad habits and lose their intellectual curiosity?”
“For parents, these worries can be overwhelming,” she adds.
How to handle back-to-school stress
“While the chaos of back-to-school can cause overwhelm, focusing on structure can help you control that chaos,” Nobile says. Here are some of her practical tips to make back-to-school season a little more manageable for parents—no matter what age your children are.
1. Shift bedtimes
Part of the appeal of summer for kids is looser bedtime rules. Who doesn’t love staying up late to watch TV and sleeping in the next day? As school starts up again, though, the need for more structured sleep returns.
advertisement
“If you’re adjusting sleep schedules to begin the school year,” Nobile recommends doing it slowly. “Start shifting routines a week or two before” the first day of school, she says. For example, if your kids go to bed at 9 p.m. in the summer, but have an 8 p.m. bedtime on school nights, do “lights out” by 8:45 p.m. for a few days. Keep shaving off another 15 minutes every few days until they’re in bed by 8.
By gently easing into this new routine, you will help your kids get acclimated and avoid “sleep-deprived meltdowns” once school starts, Nobile says.
2. Budget school expenses early
Ever get slapped with a huge bill you weren’t expecting (and can’t afford to pay)? It’s not a good feeling. The best way to avoid sticker shock when it comes to back-to-school expenses is to plan ahead.
“Review your budget before the school year starts, and set limits for yourself and your children,” Nobile says. Maybe this means your kids can join two sports (not three) or they can get one new pair of shoes (not two).
If certain “big-ticket purchases” are unavoidable—say, your kid needs a new laptop—consider “spacing out” your shopping, Nobile says. For example, buy the laptop at the start of summer and shop for school clothes at the end of summer. This way you don’t get hit “with a major financial blow all at once,” she says.
3. Automate restocking of school supplies
With busy schedules and long to-do lists, it can be easy for stuff to fall through the cracks—especially when it comes to school supply shopping. For things you know your child will definitely need, try signing up for recurring subscriptions, which are not only convenient, but they can help you save money.
advertisement
“Use online subscriptions to have recurring items (like notebooks, pencils, and snacks) delivered, or buy in bulk at the beginning of the year,” says Nobile. Sites like Amazon have “subscribe and save” options, which allow you to control how often you get a certain item. And the best part? You usually get a discounted price when you sign up.
This way, you don’t have to worry about forgetting to buy something or running out once school is in full swing (and your schedule is even more packed). You can even factor in the cost when you work on your budget, so there’s no surprise later on.
4. Design a family calendar
It’s nearly impossible to avoid the stress of scheduling your life, but you can simplify the process with a few strategies. To start, keep a large family calendar to track school events, after-school activities, homework, and other monthly tasks, Nobile says. Hang it in a central place in your home where everyone will see it, like the kitchen.
Another calendar pro-tip: Assign a specific color for each family member. By color coding, “you and your children can see when there are overlapping activities and avoid conflicting schedules,” she says. “This also allows everyone to see what’s coming up and eases the stress of being overwhelmed by logistics.”
5. Designate a ‘prep station’ for mornings
Morning schooldays can be chaotic, especially if you’re running late. But planning ahead can set you up for success. “Set out backpacks, school supplies, lunchboxes, and clothes for the next day in a specific spot so that the morning rush isn’t spent looking for them,” Nobile says. “This allows kids [and parents] to start off the day with less ‘decision-making stress‘ in the early hours,” she says.
6. Meal prep school lunches on the weekend
Making lunch can be another tedious task, but meal prepping can help. Planning out lunches ahead of the school week can go a long way (see a common theme here?).
advertisement
Nobile says batch-prepping lunches on Sunday removes any indecision around what to make for the kids during the week. And this prep doesn’t have to take up the entire day. Spend a few minutes cutting up vegetables or pre-packing snacks into individual servings, she says. Or buy pre-washed, pre-cut veggies and fruits, or a pre-roasted chicken, to save time on building lunches later on.
Finding pre-packaged snacks that come in single portions—like nuts, trail mix, or protein bars—can also be a big help.
7. Centralize school paperwork
Do your kids often bring home a steady stream of school paperwork each day? Things like newsletters, permission slips, class schedules, reading lists, report cards, and more can not only create clutter, but also get lost in the shuffle of everyday life. (I mean, the last thing you want to do is scramble to find a field trip form the day of the trip.)
To keep the paper chaos at bay, Nobile suggests creating a centralized system. “Perhaps a wall-mounted file holder for each kid or a digital system for scanning and saving papers would work for you,” she says. By keeping all papers in one designated place, “this method helps to reduce clutter and avoid missed deadlines.”
8. Delegate tasks
Sometimes being a parent feels like being a professional project manager—you spend a large part of your time organizing, planning, and executing projects while working on a tight budget and deadlines. But a successful manager knows how to delegate tasks to get things done.
Nobile recommends assigning daily tasks or chores to your kids. For example, “choosing what to wear, making their beds, even brushing teeth and washing their faces are all tasks you can delegate to age-appropriate children,” she says.
Not only does delegating lighten your load a little, but it also teaches kids responsibility, self-competence, and independence— skills they’ll need to be successful in school (and life in general). Win-win!
9. Plan ‘quiet time’ after school
You know how you need a few minutes at the end of your workday to unwind? Yeah, your kids may need that too after spending all day (mostly) sitting and concentrating at school.
advertisement
“Designate a 20- to 30-minute period after school when the kids come home where everyone does a relaxing activity [think: drawing, puzzles, etc.],” Nobile says. “This can help the kids decompress from the school day and provide a break for everyone.”
If it feels like the right time, you can even set aside a few minutes to talk about the day’s highs and lows. This will give your kids the opportunity to share their experience at school and can help clue you in if they’re dealing with something like bullying.
10. Create a carpool network
As the saying goes, “it takes a village.” When you have a reliable group of people to share some of life’s daily responsibilities, it can be a huge help and timesaver. Carpooling is one great example of that.
“Create a network of parents who can take turns driving kids to and from school and activities,” Nobile says. “Not only will you reduce your stress regarding driving, but you’ll also be creating a network of parents dealing with the same stress,” she says. In other words, everyone benefits and feels more supported.
In general, getting to know other parents in your child’s class(es) can help you stay in the know and feel less alone when it comes to back-to-school anxiety.
When to see a mental health professional
While there are many things we can do to feel a little more prepared for back-to-school season, the stress of the transition never completely goes away. (This is totally natural!) If, however, you’re having an especially hard time, don’t be afraid to ask for professional help.
advertisement
“A professional can help you develop strategies to cope with stress, manage your emotional responses, and balance the demands of the back-to-school season,” Nobile says. Here are some signs that might signal it’s time to see a therapist or counselor about your back-to-school stress, she adds:
Persistent anxiety or worry about schedules, performance, or family dynamics
Trouble getting or staying asleep or waking up feeling unrested, especially if connected to stress over the new school year
Ongoing irritability or moodiness, frequent ups and downs, or feelings of frustration that feel disproportionate to what is going on around you
Persistent physical symptoms like headaches, muscle tension, stomachaches, or fatigue (stress can manifest physically)
Feeling overwhelmed or burned out
Withdrawal from social events, pulling away from friends or family, or losing interest in hobbies or other activities they used to enjoy
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Always feeling guilty (which could include saying/thinking things like “I should be doing more” or “I’m not good enough”) or a sense of inadequacy (i.e,. saying or thinking “I’m not doing enough or giving my children what they need”)
Depression or hopelessness
Higher levels of tension with a partner or children or increased arguments at home
Joseph, Bellal MD, FACS; Hosseinpour, Hamidreza MD; Sakran, Joseph MD, MPH, FACS; Anand, Tanya MD, MPH, FACS; Colosimo, Christina DO, MS; Nelson, Adam MD, FACS; Stewart, Collin MD, FACS; Spencer, Audrey L MD; Zhang, Bo MD; Magnotti, Louis J MD, M. Defining the Problem: 53 Years of Firearm Violence Afflicting America’s Schools. Journal of the American College of Surgeons 238(4):p 671-678, April 2024. | DOI: 10.1097/XCS.0000000000000955
