Model and Author Tess Holliday Wants You to ‘Take Up Space’: Her New Book Will Teach You How

Tess Holliday wants to be a safe space for those who need it right now. The model and body activist, 40, is about to publish her second book, Take Up Space, Y'all: Your Bold and Bright Guide to Self-Love, which comes out on August 26. The interactive YA guide, co-written with author Kelly Coon, is all about helping readers learn to love themselves exactly as they are.

A cross between the classic Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul and those American Girl A Smart Girl's Guide books (IYKYK), Take Up Space, Y'all is part workbook part advice column and covers everything from discovering your personal style to navigating things like disordered eating, grooming body hair, handling toxic friendships, social media use, and more, as a young adult.

"There's a lot of spaces, especially with our LGBTQIA youth in America, that aren't safe and where people aren't able to express themselves or navigate some of this," Holliday tells Well+Good. "I want this book to feel like a safe space for our most vulnerable in society," she adds.

Holliday's first book, a 2017 memoir titled The Not So Subtle Art of Being A Fat Girl, recounts her experiences being bullied as a child for her weight to becoming a full-time model and body image advocate. And while this new book is technically for young people, Holliday maintains it's rife with tips helpful for anyone of any age (and she swears she isn't just saying that to convince adults to buy it).

Growing up in rural Mississippi, Holliday recalls feeling "isolated from the outside world," but found solace in books like Chicken Soup. Still, she wishes the answers to her burning life questions had been more accessible, which is the goal of her new book.

"We never stop learning and growing," she says. "There are things [in this book] that might be redundant to people, but these are things that we need to hear, regardless of age. If I had had access to a book like this when I was the target age, I think I would have been able to carry myself a lot differently in the world and how I showed up."

Here's what Holliday has learned after more than a decade in the modeling industry about prioritizing self-love, ignoring the haters, and figuring out what's most authentic to oneself. Plus, how parents can foster these qualities in their kids.

Self-love for kids often starts with parents

As a mom to two children (Rylee, 19, and Bowie, 9), Holliday is cognizant of the fact that the world her kids are growing up in is far from one she experienced during childhood, mainly thanks to social media.

"We live in a totally different society," Holliday says. "There's no escape for kids now, because social media is everywhere. We used to be able to go to school and then come home and vanish. That's not a luxury that most people have anymore."

Apart from limiting screen time in general, Holliday encourages parents to counteract the negative consequences of social media use (like comparison, jealousy, and low self-esteem) by helping kids find their sense of self offline. As a southern gal, she's big on the phrase "y'all means all," which reminds kids that they belong in the world just as they are.

"I think we're losing a lot of uniqueness in our communities and with our young folks," Holliday says. "Being able to create a space to harbor individuality with our children is one of the most important things we can do. With my children, I don't have all the answers, but as long as I can raise humans that feel good and feel like they can show up however they need to, that, to me, is really all that matters." 

Modeling this behavior for your children is another helpful way to foster self-love. Unapologetically loving and accepting yourself will show kids it's okay to do the same.

Holliday's 4 go-to tips for building confidence

Building a positive self-image can be tough at any age, especially now with the rise of Photoshop, weight-loss drug advertisements, unrealistic beauty standards, and yes, social media comparison. But there are healthy ways to become more confident. Here are Holliday's go-to tips:

1. Practice good social media hygiene 

Holliday isn't anti-social media. If anything, it's allowed her to build "a wonderful, full life" and a platform where she gets to connect with millions of followers. But she maintains that it's "important to really make sure that you are learning safe and healthy boundaries" with social media. For example, followers can sometimes share positive and helpful feedback, but Holliday reminds herself she doesn't need to internalize every comment, especially negative attacks from haters. She also notes that online, you typically only see moments people choose to share with the world.

In other words, try not to compare yourself, and remember to "enjoy your life outside of social media," she says. "Not everything has to be posted. We don't have to talk about everything. Just being present in your own life, using it to connect, using it for style and…expressing yourself, that's great. But also realize that there's a big, full life outside of social media. I would just hate for them to miss out on it because we can't put our phones down," she adds.

2. Wear what you want to wear

Fashion, ultimately, is about having fun and expressing yourself, Holliday says. So wear what makes you happy! Proudly rock heels even if you're tall or wear draped, colorful layers even if you're petite. Just because you have a body type that makes you stand out more than others doesn't mean you need to dress or present in a way that shrinks you.

Ultimately, Holliday urges everyone to dress the way they like, not the way anyone else says they should. "What a gift it is to be able to show up in the world and people notice you and you're able to…express yourself through your style and your fashion," she says. "When you realize that the only rules you have to follow are whatever feels good to you, it opens up the world in such a beautiful way." 

3. When in doubt, listen to RuPaul

Holliday quotes drag queen superstar and TV host RuPaul at one point in her book: "What other people think of me is none of my business." It's a piece of advice that she keeps coming back to herself: online haters may leave body-shaming comments, but at the end of the day, Holliday knows she's the only person she has to answer to. "I know deep down that what people say about me actually has no bearing on me," she says.

4. Cut through toxic wellness culture to actually take care of yourself

Health and wellness misinformation runs rampant online, which can make it difficult for people to figure out proven ways to be well that aren't damaging to their mental well-being. Holliday stands by doing what feels best for your body, not following trends or commentary from outsiders who know nothing about you or your medical history. (And if in doubt, relying on a trusted healthcare provider is always best.)

"I am allowed and able to make the best choices for my body," she says. "In a world where everyone is telling you to shrink, it is the most radical thing you can do to take up space and to not conform and not change it."