Why you’re still stuck on your middle school BFF, even if you’ve lost touch

By now you probably know even the prettiest “Friends Forever” friendship necklace couldn’t ensure you and your middle school BFF would remain close. (In fact, there might be an underlying reason why those baubles typically come as broken hearts in the first place….) But that doesn’t mean you don’t still think about her.

Being hung up on your BFF from years ago isn’t uncommon, even if you’ve drifted apart over the years. Crazily enough, studies have shown that only one percent of middle school friendships actually make it through high school because of how drastically people change during that period, but the bond you shared never really goes away.

“In pubertal years, those relationships get far more emotionally intimate, especially for girls. They are more likely to tell their friends things rather than parents. They rely on each other for coping.” —Mitch Prinstein, PhD

“There’s something about the pubertal years when those relationships get far more emotionally intimate, especially for girls,” Mitch Prinstein, a clinical psychologist who focuses on adolescence, told The Cut. “They are more likely to tell their friends things rather than parents. They rely on each other for coping.”

Basically, you and your tween bestie went through something huge together: You started developing major crushes for the first time, kept each other’s secrets, and probably started navigating having less supervision from your parents. Obviously you’ve been through a lot in life since then, but it was a pivotal stage that helped shape who you ultimately became—and your long-lost bud played starring role in that.

So don’t feel weird about Facebook stalking your former pal once in a while to see what she’s up to—there’s a good chance she probably does the same to you.

This is why you should recruit a #workwife stat. But first, here’s how to make friends as an adult.