4 Things ‘Nobody Wants This’ Gets Right about Healthy Romantic Relationships

Warning: This story contains spoilers. If you haven’t finished season one of Netflix’s Nobody Wants This, proceed with caution! 

As it turns out, a lot of people want this. Netflix’s rom-com series Nobody Wants This is a smash hit—now the No. 1 show on the streaming platform. Aside from reminding us that we need more Adam Brody on our screens, it’s been a major source of online buzz as viewers celebrate how it explores a complex and thoughtful relationship.

Creator Erin Foster, who based the show on her own relationship with husband Simon Tikhman, has been vocal about her vision for rom-coms (and becoming this generation’s Nora Ephron). On her podcast, The World’s First Podcast, Foster discussed how viewers specifically expressed appreciation for a depiction of a securely attached man and an avoidant woman working together to form a secure attachment.

“It’s a dynamic you usually don’t see on TV,” Foster said in an episode Thursday. “Usually, it’s the girl who knows exactly what she wants, and the guy is an avoidant and playing games.”

Online, viewer reactions echo this sentiment: Fans love dissecting the moments where podcaster Joanne (played by Kristen Bell) expresses relationship fears and rabbi Noah (Adam Brody) calmly works through them with her.

Other fans love how the couple communicates and has tough, “adult” conversations. As writer Brittaney Peacock-Hill writes in an Instagram post, “The reason we are all obsessed with Nobody Wants This is because there is an on-screen representation of healthy and evolved love: two people who meet later on with established careers and identities, have healthy communication, are vulnerable and open, are willing to put the work in to build a healthy relationship, overcome what society says is ‘right or wrong,’ and are not afraid to say the hard things.”

Fans are loving it so much that Netflix quickly announced a second season. While we wait for more of Joanne and Noah’s love story, we talked to relationship experts about the biggest green flags throughout the show—and how to implement them in your own dating life.

What Nobody Wants This gets right

1. Be open about your feelings and intentions

Noah (Brody) makes his intentions clear to Joanne (Bell) on their first date: He isn’t just looking for a rebound or casual hookup. “I want it to be something real,” he says.

“This scene shows the power of intentional, transparent communication in modern dating,” says love coach Shilpa Cacho, noting that being upfront with the person you’re dating is crucial. “[Honesty] allows people to make informed decisions about investing their time and emotions,” she adds.

Clear communication about expressing intentions shows respect for the other person’s time and feelings, although that’s certainly not the full of it. “Remember, the key is not just in stating your intentions, but also in being prepared to walk away if your intentions don’t align,” says Cacho.

2. Listen to a partner’s needs (even the small ones!)

While planning their first trip together, Joanne asks Noah if he called the hotel to make sure their room came with two bathrobes—she loves the idea of the two of them matching on vacation. His response: “I did. You’ve mentioned several times how important it is to you. There will be two.”

People often make the mistake of thinking sex is the most important form of intimacy in a relationship—but it’s the little things, like calling ahead for an extra robe or knowing how your partner takes their coffee, that are equally intimate, says psychotherapist Deborah Krevalin, LPC, LMHC.

“We all want to feel seen and understood, and there’s a sense of safety when our partners are really able to accommodate us in big and small ways,” adds attachment and relationship coach Cybelle Safadi. “We sometimes undervalue the impact these small gestures have at the beginning of relationships.”

3. Work through ‘the ick’

We’ve all been there—the new person you’re dating is great, but then they awkwardly chase after a ping pong ball or wear flip flops with jeans, and suddenly you don’t think you can date them anymore.

Joanne at one point gets “the ick” (slang for slight repulsion over something trivial) from Noah wearing a sports coat and loudly pronouncing “prego” with an exaggerated Italian accent. In some relationships, that could be the end of the road, but relationship experts tell Well+Good they love that Joanne and Noah spend time talking it out.

“A lot of times when a partner gets ‘the ick,’ we want to run for the hills,” Krevalin says. We feel awkward and don’t want to bring it up because it could  feel like we’re criticizing them, and that’s the last thing we want to do. Krevalin credits the TV couple for pushing themselves to talk about something uncomfortable, which is sometimes less scary than it seems. Eventually, they got through “the ick” (and even laughed about it), which paid off. “That [helped them] build connection.”

4. Push through the fear and embrace vulnerability

A pivotal point in Joanne and Noah’s relationship comes when Joanne discloses her fear of becoming emotionally dependent on someone “who will one day realize that I’m too much.” Noah is unwavering as he replies: “I want this. I want all of this.” 

The best part of the show, according to Safadi, is how it depicts modern dating problems and offers “ways we can push through these fears” and build a better relationship.

Creating emotional safety for a partner is a major green flag for healthy communication, Krevalin adds. It can be challenging to be vulnerable with a person who has “the ability to crush us” emotionally. But if you’ve found a partner who’s able to create emotional safety—and you feel secure enough to bring up your concerns, fears, and goals—that’s a major green flag, she adds.

If watching this show reignited your crush on Brody, you’re not alone. He’s happily married to actress Leighton Meester, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find your own version of Joanne and Noah’s love story. Looking for the green flags—rather than focusing on the (ick) red flags—might just set you up for your own rom-com.