Practicing self love doesn’t begin and end with bubble baths, morning meditations, and repeating positive affirmations in the mirror. It involves, well, actually requires self pleasure, too—if you ask certified sex therapist Jacqueline N. Mendez, LMFT.
“Self love and self care are about nurturing all of you, which needs to include the sensual and sexual side of you,” Mendez says. “It’s essential because it’s about caring and loving all of you. ”
We know, we know, the topic of self pleasure can be tricky to navigate—especially if you’re newer to the sexual wellness world—which is why we asked Mendez to give us the expert rundown on exactly how to show yourself the love and pleasure you deserve.
The first thing she wants you to remember? To keep a sex-positive mindset, which helps take the pressure off and allows you to explore self love on a deeper level. “To be sex-positive is not about functionality or orgasms,” she says. “It is about being fully engaged with yourself—body, heart, mind, spirit—and seeing eroticism as life energy itself. Sex-positivity is about curiosity and acceptance, not just of your partner, but above all yourself.”
And if toys are something you’re curious about, it helps to select one(s) with a similarly sex-positive ethos—like JimmyJane™, which centers all of its toys on the principle that everyone deserves a shame-free self-pleasuring experience with a variety of options to fit your specific self-love need (think: toys, massage candles, vibrating panties, and pretty much anything else you can dream up).
“Be open to what feels good to you,” Mendez says—while you’re checking out the roundup of self-pleasure toys below—and grab one (or a few).
Keep scrolling to find the sex-positive solo toy that will take your self-love routine to the next level.
FORM 2 PRO™ — $170.00
Ready to really get adventurous? Choose between five different vibration modes and intensity levels with this tiny-but-mighty toy that features a dual-motor design that powerfully massages and pinches to your specific liking. Plus, it comes with a magnetic USB charging cord to make the recharging process that much quicker.
CHROMA™ — $125.00
A solid starter for beginners, CHROMA™ is a sleek, high-performing bullet that has five vibration modes and intensity levels. Made with clean, non-porous aluminum, this on-the-go device will be a must-add to your self-love rotation.
And if you’re totally new to self pleasure, keep this tip from Mendez in mind: “Many clients that I see that do not have a self-pleasuring practice begin by touching non-genital body parts with the intention of discovering what feels good and remaining open to discovering something new,” she says.
CHROMA SLEEVE 2™ — $25.00
Give your high-quality bullet a feel-good, look-good outfit change. This latex-free, water-proof silicone sleeve—that comes in three different shapes and colors—will add a fun spin to your original experience, allowing you to experiment and explore even more along your self-love journey.
DUAL GRIPP™ — $135.00
Since we all have different bodies that respond to pleasure in a multitude of ways, learning about your body is an important step when you start shopping for your adult toy-of-choice. “Self pleasure is like snowflakes—we are all unique in how we do it,” Mendez says.
In the name of getting to know yourself, try out this vibrator that features a finger holder for an easier, no-slip grip during your solo time and a dual motor design that targets the clitoris and g-spot at the same time so you can do less work, with more pleasure…if you catch our drift.
APEX™ — $200.00
So you’re looking for something with more high-grade features? Look no further than the Apex™, which has four powerful motors, three suction patterns, seven tongue-motion patterns, 10 vibration patterns, and a handle for g-spot stimulation. Yes, you really can have it all.
CURVED GRIPP™ — $135.00
With sleek contours and a curved tip, this vibrator can be used to spice up foreplay with a partner or during your one-on-one time with yourself.
Mendez’s tip? Consider self pleasure the foreplay to foreplay. “Self-pleasuring is about being a good lover to yourself,” she says. “You can’t expect a good lover in someone else if you can’t be your own great lover first.”
MINI CHROMA™ — $135.00
Whoever told you size matters has never used this discreet-yet-powerful, on-the-go toy. It has an easy-to-use remote control that allows you to switch between seven vibration modes and three intensity levels until you find the one that works for you—no matter when or where the mood strikes you.
MINI CHROMA SLEEVE ™ — $25.00
Once you’ve gotten into your groove, switch things up with your solo play time by slipping this super soft and flexible silicone sleeve—that’s also latex-free and phthalate-free—over the MINI CHROMA™ bullet and who knows, you may have just discovered your new-favorite way to self pleasure.
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