Curious Which of the 11 Sex Personality Types Best Fits You? Experts Share Their Insights

Marin created the test after nearly 20 years working with individuals and couples on their sex lives. “I realized that two people could be talking about their sex life together, and it could feel like they were talking about completely different things," she says. These consistent incongruencies highlighted just how much variety there is in how people define sex and great sex, she says. To help couples discuss—and ultimately, work through—their different understanding of sex, she put together a short questionnaire that encourages people to think about their definition of sex, as well as their sexual preferences, wants, and needs. After answering 10 questions, the quiz tells you which of 11 different sex personality types you are, which include options such as the romantic, the giver, the pleasurer, and so on.

The quiz, which can be taken by singles in addition to those who are partnered, is designed to help people better understand their sexual needs, says Marin. It’s built to encourage people in a relationship to talk about their sex life, “as well as help them understand each other better, and figure out how to have the kind of sex that's going to feel amazing and fun for both of them,” she adds. Ahead, find more about the 11 different sex personality types, according to Marin. Plus, learn how to deduce your own sex personality type as well as what your answers mean.

Related Stories

{{ truncate(post.title, 12) }}

{{post.sponsorText}}

What are the 11 sex personality types?

Are you a thrill-seeker or explorer? What about a guardian or pleasurer? Ahead, learn the ins and outs of the 11 unique sex personality types, according to Marin.

Pro tip: Read about your own personality type *and* your partner(s), assuming they are different. This will give you a road map for having sex that’s great for all people involved, Marin suggests.

1. The decompressor

You know that light-as-a-feather feeling you get after an orgasm? Well, that’s exactly what the decompressor is after. "Sex for the decompressor is all about stress relief," says Marin. It’s a way for them to let go of all the muck that has built up throughout the day. No doubt, sex can be stress-busting—heck, research¹ even proves it. But sometimes decompressors can get so caught up in climaxing, that they rush through the sex itself, according to Marin. "Sometimes partners of decompressers complain that they feel like their partner isn't really there,” she says. If you’re a decompressor, it might be helpful to engage in a stress-relief activity like humming, cyclic sighing, or pilates ahead of sex. This way, you can enjoy the sex as an act of partnered intimacy, rather than exclusively as a stress-reducing behavior.

“Sometimes decompressers can be so blissed out after sex that they wind up sort of tuning out their partners,” says Marin. In this case, the decompressor can miss opportunities for connection with their partner. As such, decompressors might make an intentional point to engage in sexual post-game analysis (PGA) and aftercare after sex to keep the connection going long after the climax.

2. The explorer

If you have a bedside table overflowing with vibrators and kink toys, arousal oils, and different types of lube—or wish you did—you’re probably an explorer. “Explorers use sex as an adult playground,” says Marin. They see sex as a way to play and love to experiment with advanced sex positions and pleasure aids, she says.

"The romantic really tunes into the energy exchange and wants it to feel like there's true intimacy." —Vanessa Marin LMFT

One of the great things about explorers is that they don’t need or expect things to go perfectly every time, says Marin. “It’s more that they are looking for a sense of playfulness in the bedroom,” she explains. The downside is that if the "flirty flamingo" approach doesn't work out on the first try, the explorer won't instinctively want to take the time to practice and get better at it. “They're kind of just like always on to the next thing and the newest thing,” Marin says, which means sometimes they’re leaving pleasure on the table. To circumvent this, she suggests being intentional in asking what your partner enjoys. Then, taking the time to zero in on and incorporate those acts again and again.

3. The fair-trader

“The fair trader just wants the experience between the partners to feel even,” says Marin. That doesn’t necessarily mean that they are keeping tabs on who is doing what in bed, are mentally cataloging every orgasm, or secretly keeping track of the amount of time they spend giving versus receiving. It simply means that the fair-trader loves giving and receiving in equal measures, and would like both to play a substantial role in their sex life, she says. The thing is, “sex is very rarely completely fair in the moment,” adds Marin. So, if you’re a fair-trader it’s important not to get too fixated on the even exchange in any given sexual situation, she says. But instead to “judge” the evenness of your sex life over time.

In the event that you notice you are spending more time giving than receiving, or vice versa, Marin suggests using it as an opportunity to get curious about your partner’s desires. You could ask:

• "I notice that recently you’ve been wanting to give pleasure more than you want to receive it. I love giving you pleasure. Is there anything I can do to make receiving more pleasurable or comfortable for you?"
• "I love going down on you and pleasuring you more than anything. I’ve been craving to feel your mouth on me, too. Is that something you’d be open to the next time we have sex? Or, is there an underlying reticence we can talk through? "

4. The giver

The name of this one is pretty self-explanatory. “Givers are tuned into their partner's experience, and they want to make sure that their partner is really enjoying themselves,” says Marin. For givers, the most important determinant of how pleasurable sex is depends on how pleasurable it is to their partner, she says. It’s important for givers to be creative in how they quantify their partner’s pleasure. Because sure, orgasms can be one measure of pleasure, but they aren’t the only measure. If a giver’s partner feels like they need to orgasm in order for their partner to have a good time, they might feel pressured which could lead them to fake it. (Pretty counter-productive!)

Givers should also make sure that they aren’t giving to the detriment of their own experience, says Marin. “They may find it hard to receive or to be tuned into their own experience, because they're so focused on "Is'my partner enjoying themselves?" she says. Masturbating with the intent of learning their own hot spots may be helpful for givers, as can experimenting with mutual sex positions like mutual masturbation and oral sex.

5. The guardian

“The most important thing for the guardian is that sex needs to feel safe," says Marin. For them, trust and security are at the heart of any pleasurable sexual encounter, she says, while any form of conflict or tension with a partner can make sex feel untenable. A major challenge for guardians is self-judgment, as many get down on themselves for not wanting sex as easily or often as their partner, says Marin. Though many find comfort when they learn they are guardians and take that on as part of their identity, she says.

Crucially, some people have become guardians due to the fact that they are sexual abuse survivors, she says. “Because they've had these really negative experiences with sex, they're looking for sex to feel safe with clearly defined boundaries,” she says. Others are guardians due to having internalized negative beliefs, shame, or embarrassment around sex, she says. To be clear: There is nothing wrong with being a guardian. Those who fall into this sex personality type as a result of trauma, however, may benefit from working with a trauma-informed therapist.

6. The passion-pursuer

Does the word "intense" best describe your ideal romp in the sheets? If it does, then you’re probably a passion pursuer, someone who wants sex to feel very intense and all-encompassing, says Marin. “[They] just really want to have that sense of losing themselves in the moment,” she says. As great as over-the-top passionate sex can be, Marin says it’s important for passion pursuers to remember that silly, playful, and straightforward sex are also worth pursuing. “Sometimes it's a Tuesday night at 11 p.m. and you want to have an orgasm but don't have the energy for it to be this really intense overwhelming experience,” she points out.

7. The pleasure-seeker

Pleasure may be one of the reasons a lot of people have sex, but for some, pleasure is the point. When a pleasure-seeker has sex, pure physical enjoyment is the guiding force, according to Marin. Here, emotional connection, sexual energy exchange, and intimacy are second fiddle. “It’s just an, 'I want to have my orgasm, and feel good, and be done with it' type thing,” says Marin.

This is all fine and well, so long as your sexual partners are on the same page as you. If the idea of sex being anything more than for pleasure is a bit mind-boggling for you, Marin says it's important to keep in mind that your partner might be looking for more out of the experience. If your sexual partner seeks out sex in order to establish emotional intimacy, for example, you might implement weekly date nights, regular post-shower naked cuddles, or any other rituals that support closeness. Oh, and make sure that your desire for physical pleasure doesn’t lead you to rob your partner of theirs, or otherwise cause you to act selfishly in bed. (Remember: You can also seek pleasure through solo sex.)

8. The prioritizer

“For the prioritizer, it's really important to feel like sex is a priority,” says Marin. “They really want to feel like both partners are making an active, concerted effort to create the time and space for intimacy,” she says. Yes, even when everyone is tired, busy, or otherwise bogged down with responsibilities. Some prioritizers find it helpful to schedule sex, as it helps couples prioritize making time to connect physically, she says. Expanding their definition of sex to include things like cuddling, mouth stuff, hand stuff, naked showering, and kissing can also be helpful, as it can relieve any pressure a prioritizer’s partner may feel to have sex. For prioritizers, it can also be helpful to prioritize quality over quantity in their sex life. Reading Come Together by Emily Nagoski, PhD is a helpful starting place for this.

9. The romantic

For the romantic, emotional connection between partners during sex is paramount, says Marin. “The romantic really tunes into the energy exchange and wants it to feel like there's true intimacy,” she says. Emotional connection can be heightened during sex in a variety of ways, such as pillow talk, keeping a sex journal, and doing sex activities like the Where Should We Begin? conversation game.

"Sometimes, the romantic puts so much of an emphasis on, 'I want sex to be this way and have this kind of intense energy,' that they can struggle with having other flavors of sex," says Marin. Similar to the passion-pursuer, romantics should open up to the idea that sex doesn't always need to look like it's straight off of the pages of a romance novel. Usually, romantics aren't really into casual sex or one-night stands, says Marin. And can get themselves into trouble emotionally if they try to make flings work for them. If you’re a romantic, it can be helpful to celebrate your sexual style for what it is.

10. The spiritualist

Spiritualists take sex to a higher level—literally. “For spiritualists, sex is a way to connect to some sort of higher power or energy,” says Marin. “It's about a greater connection, so the energy flow between partners and within partners is really, really important.” Some spiritualists are super into Eastern philosophies like tantra and may enjoy sex acts derived from tantric sex like eye gazing and yoni massages. Those who relate to this sex personality type should be open to the idea that sex doesn't always have to serve a higher purpose, says Marin.

11. The thrill-seeker

Like the explorer, the thrill-seeker longs to experiment. The difference? The thrill-seeker is also looking for that element of taboo. “If there's something that feels naughty, feels forbidden, it feels like you're not supposed to do it, that really gets the thrill seeker going,” says Marin. Essential for thrill-seekers is setting their own boundaries, as well as respecting their partners. "Some thrill-seekers are actually really great at this, especially people who are established members of the kink community, and they're really educated about enthusiastic consent and setting guidelines, and boundaries, and playing safely,” she says. If you’re a thrill-seeker, try taking kink classes or reading books like Playing Well With Others by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams, Why Are People Into That? by Tina Horn, and The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taormino and Barbara Carrellas.

Why does knowing your sex personality type matter?

Broadly speaking, the sex personality types quiz offers many of the same benefits associated with most online quizzes, according to psychotherapist Courtney Glashow, LCSW, founder of Anchor Therapy in Hoboken, NJ. Online quizzes tap into our natural curiosity about ourselves, giving us an accessible way to explore complex aspects of our personality and interests (like sex!), she explains. “Online quizzes can also make people feel less alone in their experiences and preferences,” she adds.

General benefits of taking an online quiz aside, the sex personality types quiz has the specific benefit of guiding people to figure out and discuss their own definitions of sex and great sex, says Marin. It gives you an entry point for having a real conversation about sex with your partner. Talking about sex openly is an important—if not the most important—ingredient in having great, fulfilling sex, Marin adds. Once you and your partner(s) open up a conversation about sex, you’ll be able to better understand one another’s needs, preferences, wants, and histories, which will result in a more pleasurable sex life overall, she says.

How do I know my sex personality type?

To discover which of the 11 sex personality types you are, Marin suggests taking her online 10-question quiz, which includes multiple choice questions such as "How does/do your sexual partner(s) describe you?" and "The best thing about sex is . . ." Answering these types of questions is going to require you to reflect on your sex life, sexual preferences, body language and behavior during sex, and more, says Marin. If you find thinking about your sex life uncomfortable or even painful, it may be helpful for you to work with a sex-positive mental health professional, like a sex therapist. These experts are uniquely suited (and educated!) to help you feel more comfortable thinking about sex, talking about sex, and otherwise being a person with a body.

Can I have more than one sex personality type?

Yes! “You can have more than one type, and your type can change over time and across seasons of life,” says Marin. For someone who is in an open relationship or dating casually, that might manifest as them having sex in the style of one lover on Tuesday, and another lover on Wednesday, she says. Meanwhile, a couple in a monogamous relationship might have sex in a way that’s more compatible with one partner’s preferences during sex one day, and the other's the next, she says.

Can a relationship work if you’re not sexually compatible?

The short answer: Yes, a relationship can work if you're not sexually compatible. “A relationship can absolutely work if two people are not compatible,” says Jenni Skyler, PhD, LMFT, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and sexologist with the sexual health brand Adam & Eve. The longer answer requires you to understand what these quiz results reveal, exactly. Plus, what it actually means to be sexually compatible.

First, it’s important to understand that individuals don’t need to have the same sex personality type, in order to be considered sexually compatible. The intent of the quiz isn’t to determine how sexually compatible or not you are with someone else, says Marin. Rather, it is designed to help you better understand your own sexuality, as well as give you a framework for talking about sex openly with your partner or potential partner(s), she says.

Second, it’s possible for two pleasure-seekers to have the same sexual personality type—and still not be sexually compatible. Yes, really! There is no official definition of sexual compatibility. However, it is generally marked by individuals sharing sensual chemistry, emotional connection, and/or mutual erotic interests, says Skyler. In practice, people who are sexually compatible share definitions of "sex," have a similar frequency preference for sex and intimacy, have overlap in their turns on, have the same relationship orientation or relationship structure preference, and more. People who are sexually compatible also have a good self-image, body impact, and psychological maturity, per a 2023 review² published in the journal Sexual and Relationship Therapy.

As it relates to the sex personality types quiz, two individuals may both be romantics but have different sex frequency or relationship style preferences that keep them from being fully sexually compatible. Monogamous couples can overcome these incompatibilities through acceptance and creativity, says Skyler, and (ethically) non-monogamous couples may overcome this by finding additional sexual partners who they can also see.

Final thoughts on sex personality types

The sex personality type model was created to help you uncover your own sexual self, as well as discuss and describe the kind of sex and intimacy you want to share with your partner(s), says Marin. So, if you find the tool helpful, use it. As is the case with any sexual identity or label, though, if it starts to feel limiting or prescriptive, ditch it. As she says, “This model isn’t meant to be restricting or limiting in any way.” To find out your own sexual personality type, take Marin’s quiz. Oh and if you’re interested in taking even more quizzes about your sexual preferences, consider finding out your sex initiation style, love language, or erotic blueprint, too.