I don’t care what fashion week says, wearing a low ponytail makes me look like Gaston

We’re in the midst of the fashion week sprints (just as the catwalk lights in New York dim, they flash on in London)—a time I usually love because of all the fresh wardrobe, makeup, and hair inspo I’m able to absorb. I usually welcome all the haute trends, from bedazzled faces to cozy fleece dresses, with open arms. But this year, I feel personally attacked by one specific look—the low ponytail.

It started innocuously enough with Ariana Grande trading in her signature high pony for an elastic secured at the nape of her neck. This, however, wasn’t an isolated incident—the hairstyle then spread like disease across red carpets, street style photos, and runways without discrimination. J. Lo and Camilla Cabello both sported the look at the Grammys, and what felt like a million designers (Ralph Lauren, Cushnie, Christian Siriano, Oscar de la Renta, the list goes on…) sent models down the runway this season with low-riding ponies.

Being the trend fiend that I am, I’ve spent the better part of the last two weeks trying to wrestle my hair into this look—and let me tell you, it is not going well. Every single time I move my ponytail to the lower quadrant of my scalp, I look like Gaston from Beauty and the Beast—the animated version.

Just about every reason for this that I can dream up leads to a feeling of existential dread. Is it merely the texture and shoulder-grazing length of my hair that makes me look like the burly antagonist (:pray hands:), or do Gaston and I have more in common than I’d like to think? If a Disney animator sketched my portrait, would an image of the broad-chested aggro-hetero appear on the paper? Sacrebleu!

Alas, these are questions I may never have the answer to—nor, really do I want them; they seem like they could only lead to a very French brand of pain and suffering. So instead of fretting over why I look like I’m going to bully a Disney princess, I’m going to avoid the hairstyle altogether—fashion week, be damned—and stick to my high ponytails and scrunchies. (I dare say Meg would approve.)

Newsflash: That hair tie you have on your wrist 24/7 could be more harmful than you think, which is all the more reason to switch to this RBG-favorite hair accessory.