This Sucking Vibrator Promises the Most Intense Orgasm of Your Life in Less Than a Minute

The French refer to the sensation during an orgasm as la petite mort, or “the little death.” I wonder what chic name they’d have for the experience courtesy of Tracy’s Dog Clitoral Sucking Vibrator ($60), which if Amazon reviews are to be believed, is a veritable Grim Reaper. The five-star accolades make no shortage of references to being beamed up to heaven, possessed by “72 demons from The Lesser Key of Solomon,” exorcised of said demons, or simply “dead.”

“This time, my soul left me, and god himself said, ‘Child, it is not your time,'” writes a reviewer of her orgasm. “Mind you, agnostic.”

Another woman who claims to have died, been resurrected, and then died again was hit so hard by her orgasm she practically saw stars. “Trust me,” she writes. “Best believe you will never see me frown ever again. My life has completely changed. Have a blessed day.”

“It literally felt like a demon was coming out of me,” writes yet another satisfied owner of a Tracy’s Dog Vibrator. “My orgasm was AT LEAST 30 seconds longer than usual and my skin is clear, my eyesight is cured and my anxiety has dissipated.” (The orgasm glow is real, by the way.)

So, it’s damn good is my read. Also, back it up, Clitoral Sucking Vibrator?

Tracy's Dog, Pro 2 Clitoral Sucking Vibrator — $60.00

Okay, I’m like, super vanilla when it comes to sex toys. I get a Silver Bullet in an industry party gift bag every three years, and that’s, like, enough. So the bells and whistles on this hands-free vibe sound intense. Women across the board report that getting intimate with the toy can result in the elusive squirting orgasm, and even more of them say that that’s “NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE” (bolded, italicized, underlined twice).

And caution is definitely advised when you learn your way around the bend. Start slow or you it sounds like you’re in for some Exorcist-style levitation above your bed. Radical.

Intrigued and intimidated by all the raves, consider this another small win for Ladies Doing It For Themselves. As we fight the good fight for female pleasure, it’s important to share with passion, vigor, and 0 percent shame what can bring us closer to the little death. As far as I can tell, the Tracy’s Dog Vibrator slays. And in case you fear emptying your wallet, hearsay is it’s worthy of the price tag and then some.

“It’s worth hundreds,” writes an infatuated reviewer. “Heck, it’s worth a second mortgage on my house. And for the love of banana pancakes, ladies heed the warnings of the brave pioneers who came before you… stretch like your life depends on it before embarking on this mission. Icy Hot and Motrin for those that don’t listen.”

Oh, and did I mention it’s waterproof?

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