- Goody Howard, MSW, MPH, sexologist, intimacy consultant, and HIV activist
- Isabelle Uren, certified sex expert, writer, and website manager for Bedbible.com
- Kiana Reeves, somatic sex expert, chief brand educator at Foria, a sex and wellness company.
- Magda Kay, intimacy expert
- Sara Silverstein, female sexuality specialist, intimacy coach, and yoni mapper at Inner Light Wellbeing LLC
- Sarah Melancon, PhD, sociologist and clinical sexologist at Sex Toy Collective
- Searah Deysach, sex educator and owner of Early to Bed
For the uninitiated, a blowjob is a sexual act where one person (the giver) uses their mouth to stimulate their partner (the receiver) via oral sex. This can feel uniquely pleasurable for the receiver thanks to the wetness of their partner’s mouth, stimulating the nerve endings of their penis, and looking at their partner in this position. For the giver, a blowjob can also be pleasurable as it allows them to feel in control of the pleasure their partner feels during this intimate experience.
“Think about it—with someone’s bits in or against your mouth, you have the potential to not only make someone feel great, but also to hurt them...and wielding that power can be a thrill for some people.” —Searah Deysach, sex educator and owner of sex toy store Early to Bed
But, there’s a ton of info out there about how to give blowjobs on the wild web. How do you sort through it all? We spoke to several sex experts to find their most tried-and-true fellatio tips and oral sex techniques to make giving blowjobs the most pleasurable experience for both the giver and receiver.
How can I let my partner know I want to give oral sex?
There are two main ways you can let your partner know you want to give them oral sex. Here, intimacy expert Magda Kay, breaks down some of the best ways to communicate your desire for giving blowjobs.
Regardless of whichever of the two methods below you go with, remember to incorporate balanced communication in approaching sex acts with a partner. “Be attuned to your partner’s response,” Kay says. “If they seem uncomfortable or disinterested, respect their boundaries.” Somatic sex educator Kiana Reeves, chief brand educator at Foria, agrees, adding that “it’s always important to make sure consent is in place before any sex act, so if oral sex is not something you’ve done yet, check to make sure they’re into it and it’s a big ‘yes.’
As for when to let them know, Reeves explains that “if you’re already getting hot and heavy with a partner, it’s fine to bring up the possibility of oral sex right then and there — it doesn’t necessarily have to be a separate conversation, as long as they are providing consent.” Also keep in mind, “[your partner’s] consent or yours can be removed at any time if things aren’t working well or someone isn’t into it,” Reeves says. So, pay attention to your partner’s level of interest and enthusiasm and also don’t be afraid to stop or take a break if you want to, as well.
The Direct Approach
“The best way to communicate this desire is to be direct and confident,” Kay says, explaining that “Telling your partner ‘I want to go down on you’ is not only clear, but also incredibly sexy.” Being so open and direct about your sexuality shows confidence and desire, which can be very attractive, she adds.
The Subtle Approach
“If direct communication feels challenging, consider a more subtle method,” Kay says, suggesting you “gently touch or tease their crotch area to imply your intentions and gauge their reaction,” Doing so this way, “allows you to see if they’re receptive without putting yourself in a vulnerable position if they aren’t interested,” she says.
Is it possible to get STIs from giving blowjobs?
“Certain STIs, like herpes and syphilis, as well as HPV, chlamydia, and gonorrhea can spread from oral-genital contact, during oral sex,” Reeves explains. Unfortunately, “whether or not the person with the penis ejaculates won’t make a difference when it comes to these infections,” she adds, as these are from oral-genital contact.
Sex in any form comes with risks, Reeves adds, such as “the risk of pregnancy with unprotected penetrative sex, the risk of STIs, and more. Some folks are also allergic to semen so swallowing can’t be considered 100% inherently safe for everyone,” she adds. Even non penetrative sex acts come with their own risk.
The best bet here is to make sure everyone is tested regularly (and ask for those specific STI tests, as you won't know what the 'default' STI panel is, unless you ask).
What should I know about deep throating when giving blowjobs?
Deep throating, or “the act of forcing a penis into someone’s mouth with increased force or to a deeper degree than they typically might,” is generally considered safe by medical experts, but “can lead to injuries in the back of the throat, gagging, or even more serious consequences for the person doing the deep throating if you’re going too fast and not being careful,” Reeves explains.
“I think a lot of people get the idea, often from porn, that deep throating is super common and possible for everyone, which it isn’t necessarily,” she adds. If you don’t find it pleasurable or can’t do it without gagging (which might of course, cause it to not be pleasurable), that’s okay! “No matter what, it’s important to communicate with your partner about your comfort level and any pain that this practice is creating, to stay in control, and take it slow to start,” Reeves adds.
“I think a lot of people get the idea, often from porn, that deep throating is super common and possible for everyone, which it isn’t necessarily.” —Kiana Reeves, somatic sex educator and chief brand educator for Foria
If you’d like to try deep throating, it’s a good idea to maybe try it at home by yourself, with your own fingers (as suggested below, too). “Everyone’s gag reflex is a little different, so your limit may be completely different than someone else’s,” Reeves says, adding that this can be due to things like stress or jaw tension, the size of the penis, and more. However, if you’re trying to minimize gagging, Reeves suggests taking slow, even breaths through your nose, experimenting with different angles that the penis enters your mouth, slowing down, and opening the back of your throat and releasing jaw tension for more comfort.
30 tips for giving blowjobs
In case you’re looking for some inspiration, the experts offered some of their best tips for giving blowjobs.
1. Make sure everyone’s on the same page with consent
As mentioned above, before exploring any sex act with a partner, you’ll want to make sure all parties are consenting and enthusiastic. After consent is established, you can go with one of Kay’s suggestions above, trying either direct or subtle ways to communicate to your partner that you’d like to go down on them at that moment.
2. Set the vibes with theme music
Not only will making a playlist help with ambience, but moving to the beat of a song can also help guide your breathing and rhythm. “Choose a song that makes you feel aroused and attractive and ‘perform’ to the rhythm of the music,” suggests sexologist Goody Howard, MSW, MPH, who teaches the LICK! Workshop on oral sex. You can also move your body to the song to turn your partner on even more and help you get more into the act, Howard adds.
3. Use your hands
While it might be called oral sex, don’t be afraid to use your hands. Doing so helps relieve tongue and jaw fatigue, Howard adds. Just make sure your hands are wet and slippery so you don’t create friction, she notes.
4. Take your time
“A lot of times we think faster is better, but slow, intentional movements up and down, around the shaft of the penis, or around the base or tip can build tension and make the climax that much better,” says Reeves.
5. Make out with their genitals
One good foreplay tip, courtesy of sex expert Isabelle Uren, site manager for BedBible: act like you’re making out with your partner’s genitals. “Plant sensual kisses on them and give teasing little licks as you would if you were making out with their mouth,” Uren recommends.
6. Try out different motions and techniques
In addition to teasing motions that build up tension, you can also try playing around with slow sucking motions, soft flicks of the tongue, and pressure toward the back of the throat, in addition to rapid thrusting in and out, Reeves says. Don’t be afraid to slow down, take breaks, and also check in with your partner and ask what feels good for them, as everyone is different, Reeves says.
7. Test out some flavored lubes
Let’s be real: who doesn’t love flavored things? Novelty aside, flavored lubes are a great way to spice things up and make things more slippery when giving blowjobs. Howard recommends green apple flavored lubes, as they’re tart and will make your mouth water easier. Another pro-tip: “Swipe a little flavored lube in your inner cheeks instead of applying it directly to your partner,” Howard adds, as this “keeps the stickiness down and gives just enough extra flavor.
8. Raise the roof
As in, the roof of your mouth. Howard recommends using “the head of the penis to caress the entire roof of your mouth.” From there, “Rest the shaft on your lower lip and nod ‘yes’ as you press the head into the roof of your mouth. Move it from the rougher textured part of your mouth to the soft palate of your mouth, then back again.”
9. Move around
Just as different positions have the power to completely change your sexual experience (hello, face sitting anyone?) changing positions also gives both people a variety of sexy views and angles to watch from. Howard suggests sitting on the floor in front of the couch and having your partner put one foot on the couch while you do your “job” (wink wink).
10. Get their whole body involved
“Engage other parts of your partner’s body in addition,” Howard says. You can rub their stomach, chest, and back, grip and knead their thighs and calves, and more. Getting their whole body involved communicates passion in ways that words cannot, Howard adds. Kay agrees, adding that getting their whole body involved helps spread pleasant sensations throughout, turning things into a full body ecstatic experience.
11. Play with the perineum
Kay suggests pressing or massaging the perineum, the part between the genitals and the anus, as this can increase sensation for some people.
12. Compliment them
“Most of us feel insecure about our genitals, and it impacts how much pleasure we experience from oral,” Kay says. If you want to really blow your partner’s mind, give your partner compliments on their genitals when you’re going down on them, Kay says. “Comment on the color, size, or smell. This is really powerful in helping your partner relax and receive you fully,” she notes.
13. Build momentum
“The tip of the penis is the most sensitive, so make sure to build up momentum before you touch it,” Kay adds. To do this, she recommends running your tongue right under (if he’s not circumcised, make sure to pull the skin down first).
14. Show enthusiasm
“Every now and then, look at him while you’re giving a blow job,” Kay says. Enthusiastic eye contact shows confidence and men go crazy for it, Kay says. Uren, also agrees, adding that “showing your partner you are enjoying pleasuring them can help them relax and enjoy it more.” Uren suggests also moaning or humming to create subtle vibrations that not only show how into it you are, but also feel good for the receiver.
15. Pay attention to their balls
Balls love attention too, Silverstein adds! Try dragging your nails slightly on them, sucking on them, or simply cupping them for added sensation, Silverstein suggests.
16. Keep note of movements your partner responds to
Consistency is your friend here, says Silverstein. Take note of what movements feel good for your partner and don’t change things up too much if they seem to be getting really into things. “Consistency will allow the receiver to get into the flow and for their sexual energy to heighten,” Silverstein adds.
17. Remember that lube is your BFF here
Aside from flavored lube, don’t be afraid to bust out the non-flavored stuff too, Silverstein says. “Introduce lube for a wet and wild ride, or simply use spit (though this can dry out faster),” she adds. Reeves agrees, adding that “while it may sound counter-intuitive when you’re already using your mouth, adding a lube that’s safe for consumption can help things glide much easier (especially if you’re using your hands as well!).
18. If you want to deep throat, relax your jaw and breathe
If you or your partner are into deep throating (which you don’t have to be!), “remember that relaxing your jaw is going to be key,” Silverstein says, adding that “for deeper mouth penetration, you can glide your head off the side of the bed to allow the shaft to go deeper into the mouth,” And of course, remember to breathe while deep throating, she adds.
19. Use the tip of your tongue
One especially underrated tool for giving blowjobs? The tip of the tongue. Reeves suggests “incorporating small flicks to the tip of the penis, soft swirling motions around the base and shaft while the penis is in your mouth, and long gliding licks up the length [of the penis].” Using the tip of your tongue specifically (as opposed to flattened out) can help change things up and incorporate an element of the unexpected, Reeves adds.
20. Use the flat part of your tongue
While the tip of your tongue is great for specific, targeted areas, using the flat part of your tongue also has some advantages. “The flat part of your tongue is great for broad, sensual sensations,” Uren adds. You can try the exact same techniques as the above with a flat tongue instead of the tip of your tongue and see how your partner responds to the different sensations of both.
21. Practice at home if you’d like
Whether you’re nervous about giving blowjobs in general or want more practice trying to reduce (or even understand) your gag reflex and your own limits, Kay recommends practicing on your own. She suggests gently inserting your fingers into your throat, gradually going deeper. For those who are interested in practicing deep throating, this can help your body become accustomed to the sensation.
22. Focus on what feels good for you, as the giver
Rather than putting all your attention on your partner, “get curious about exploring different sensations together and tell your partner what feels good,” Uren adds. By making the act of giving blowjobs a team experience rather than one-sided, “this keeps things interesting and helps you discover what your partner really likes,” in addition to what you like to do, Uren explains.
23. Try a wearable vibrator
Uren also suggests that as the receiver, you try a wearable vibrator, like a butt plug or egg vibrator for added stimulation. “The added arousal can also help you get more into the moment and pleasuring your partner,” she adds. If you don’t have a wearable vibrator, a smaller one that you can hold, or a larger vibrator you can nestle between your legs could also work.
24. Get comfy
“Use a cushion or sex pillow to prop your partner’s hips up and take the strain off your neck,” if you are performing oral sex lying down, Uren says. While regular cushions (and creativity) can do just fine here, getting a sex wedge specifically designed for giving blowjobs can “also open up the whole genital area, giving better access to everything,” Uren says.
25. Watch yourself in the mirror
This can be super hot not only for you as the giver, but also for your partner as the receiver. “Watching your partner go down on you in the mirror can be exciting as it allows you to see the whole scene rather than just your usual view,” Uren says.
26. Make some noise
Try humming or moaning to create subtle vibrations that feel good for the receiver and giver, Uren suggests. Not only is the added sensation fun, but moans of enthusiasm can be a giant turn-on for both parties.
27. Play with temperature
Uren also recommends getting your partner nice and aroused before taking a break to gently blow cool air over their skin and then, returning them to the warmth of your tongue or mouth. You’d be shocked how something as simple as a bit of cool air can really heat things up.
28. Get your whole body involved
“You can also incorporate your breasts into the mix by lubing them up and allowing your partner to thrust between them and having the tip (where the most nerve endings are) to pop in and out of your mouth,” Silverstein adds.
29. Put your tip of the tongue on the roof of your mouth
If you need more saliva to get things going, SIlverstein says putting the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth will help increase the saliva production in your body. Try it out when you’re taking a break and using your hands or breasts if you need a moment to catch up.
30. Explore anal play
Definitely ensure both parties are consenting to this beforehand, but if everyone’s enthusiastically into anal, Silverstein suggests exploring anal play by slipping a finger in your partner’s anus and massaging the prostate while giving blowjobs for truly mind blowing pleasure.
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