Published Dec 29, 2022

Want To Teach Your Kids Emotional Resilience? A Conscious Parenting Expert Says To Model That Behavior Yourself

Conscious parenting tips for emotional resilience center around managing your own emotions. A therapist explains how to do it.

Want To Teach Your Kids Emotional Resilience? A Conscious Parenting Expert Says To Model That Behavior Yourself

Conscious parenting tips for emotional resilience center around managing your own emotions. A therapist explains how to do it.

Published Dec 29, 2022

Written by

Kathryn Watson

Photo: Stocksy/Hung Quach

Published Dec 29, 2022

Written by

Kathryn Watson

For parents on social media, there seems to be a new trend or talking point about raising children every other week. Whether you’re researching attachment styles, doing a deep dive into how to implement a chore chart, or just desperate to figure out a discipline method that will make your family life less chaotic, there’s an overwhelming amount of information available. When the stakes are as high as “raising your kids to be good people,” it can feel like you’ve got to get the equivalent of an internet master’s degree in psychology to get parenting right. This leads us to the popular conscious parenting tips that are taking the internet by storm.

Experts in This Article

Dan Peters

It’s no surprise that conscious parenting was one of the biggest childrearing trends in 2022. With 255 million TikTok views on #consciousparenting, it’s safe to say that people are intrigued by the concept. Conscious parenting experts are certain that in order to parent healthy, emotionally resilient kids, you’ve got to come to grips with the way that you were raised. This can mean confronting past trauma and taking a close look at the way the adults around you growing up met your needs or failed to do so. This type of inner work is easier said than done, but it can make all the difference in breaking generational cycles of trauma and fear-based discipline.

Here are some conscious parenting tips to build emotional resilience in your child—and give yourself some peace about the past, in the process.

Oftentimes we expect our kids to regulate their own powerful emotions while we have the equivalent of “adult tantrums” in front of them on a regular basis.

4 Conscious Parenting Tips to Teach Your Kids Emotional Resilience

1. Recognize that adults have tantrums, too

Maybe you’ve been insisting your kid get it together when it comes to staying calm, without recognizing that you’re actually modeling the exact opposite when things don’t go your way.

Dan Peters, PhD is a psychologist and host of The Parent Footprint podcast. Dr. Peters considers himself a proponent of a conscious parenting approach, citing the way that children tend to mimic the behavior they see from the adults in their lives. “Children learn about being a person by watching and listening to their parents. When parents lose their temper, yell at people while driving (even when they deserve it), or talk negatively about other people, their children are more likely to do the same,” he says.

In other words, sometimes we’re actually demonstrating the exact behaviors we’re looking to curb in our children. And oftentimes, we expect our kids to regulate their own powerful emotions while we have the equivalent of “adult tantrums” in front of them on a regular basis.

“Adult tantrums can take the form of yelling, throwing things, punching walls, verbal abuse, ignoring, withholding love and affection, and being passive-aggressive,” Dr. Peters explains. “Tantrums can be in response to virtually anything—a child not listening or complying, being rejected, things not working out as one expected, feeling unappreciated, having a bad day, being late for an appointment, being stuck in traffic, and the list goes on.”

If this behavior sounds embarrassingly familiar because, uh, you’re the one who does this, chances are it’s not your fault. Adults who are prone to having tantrums rarely want to be this way. But this type of behavior can be the result of growing up without being taught the skills you need to regulate your emotions effectively. If you can’t think of a way to communicate your emotions but you have to get them out somehow, you might revert to behavior that feels (and, let’s be honest, looks) like a toddler having a tantrum.

2. Take frequent emotional inventory

The road to self-regulation when it comes to your own emotions might be a long one, but the good news is you can start right now. Being aware of your emotions, communicating with words, and taking time to calm down and think before responding in a highly-charged moment can all become habits over time. Studies show that while your emotions might influence your child’s behavior, they won’t necessarily determine it—meaning that even when you feel extremely volatile, you have a chance to be a role model by reacting to your emotions in a way that is appropriate.

Of course, we’ve got to be aware of our emotions if we want to respond to them well. And that doesn’t always feel so good, especially at first, and especially if there is trauma in our past that we’re not exactly thrilled about processing. It’s a necessary tension, and one we need to learn to lean into, according to Dr. Peters. “It is often difficult to sit with and acknowledge difficult emotions, but they are often the messengers from our past inviting us to learn and grow,” he says.

Dr. Peters says that a simple exercise to increase emotional awareness is to slow down and to ask ourselves questions as a way of getting present. Some sample questions he suggests include:

How do I feel about this situation?
What am I feeling in my body?
Why is this bothering me?
Is this reminding me of something I experienced in the past?
Is this emotion about me or my child?
What is my desired outcome here?

When you’ve gotten used to asking yourself some of these questions before responding in a touchy moment, you can share them as a coping strategy with your child to help them name and regulate their own emotions.

3. Master the art of the apology

It can take some extreme humility to apologize to an adult when you were wrong, even in the best of circumstances. Apologizing to your child can feel even more challenging. After all, you owe your kids your best, so owning up to ways you could have done better can feel particularly mortifying.

But apologizing to your child after a hurtful situation teaches them how to be human and equips them to take responsibility for the times that they mess up. Good apologies don’t need to be big productions, but they do need to address the hurt that was caused and avoid scapegoating others.

“Let your child know that your emotions got big, or you felt them strongly and you did not handle the situation like you wanted to. Tell them what you did wrong and what you will try to do next time instead,” Dr. Peters says.

With young children, this will mean keeping it simple and direct. With older kids and teenagers, you might want to share more about what triggered your strong emotions or over-the-top response.

4. Say how you really feel

Frankly, kids know when you’re not being real with them. And pretending everything is fine in an attempt to show them how to be resilient doesn’t help them in the long run.

“When kids see their parents always succeed, never get disappointed, and always do everything ‘right,’ they are not learning about emotional resilience,” Dr. Peters says. Instead, they’re learning how to set unrealistic expectations, which can result in an unhealthy ideal where they feel the need to be perfect.

It might feel counter-intuitive, but honestly expressing your own disappointments and frustrations (without blaming your child, of course) can set them up for the way life really unfolds. When parents let their kids get a peek at how to have a bad day without taking it out on everyone else, they’re better equipped to handle their own bad days in the future.

What’s more, talking about your feelings, good and bad, with your child, helps them know how to label their own. Dr. Peters says that this concept, often referred to as emotional literacy, significantly impacts the way that your child understands themselves in relationship to others and helps them to manage difficult circumstances. While these four conscious parenting tips will help you get a taste of this philosophy, there’s a whole world of advice out there if you’re still struggling to connect with your child.

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Health Mental Health

Published Jan 31, 2025

Phone-Free February Calls for Breaking Up With Your Screen—Here’s Why You Should Try the Trend

Phone-Free February encourages you to spend less time on your phone. Here are the benefits of less screen time and tips to stay off it. %

Phone-Free February Calls for Breaking Up With Your Screen—Here’s Why You Should Try the Trend

Phone-Free February encourages you to spend less time on your phone. Here are the benefits of less screen time and tips to stay off it. %

Published Jan 31, 2025

Written by

Korin Miller

Photo: Stocksy / Tanya Yatsenko

Published Jan 31, 2025

Written by

Korin Miller

Our editors independently select these products. Making a purchase through our links may earn Well+Good a commission

If you’ve ever left the house without your phone, you know how naked it can make you feel in those moments before you race back to reclaim your screen. But you’re not the only one experiencing phone dependency: One survey found that we spend up to 40 hours a week on our phones, and 40 percent of adults say they’re online almost constantly, per the Pew Research Center. Does that number surprise you? Then you may be one of those people wondering if it’s a good idea to spend less time on your phone. Enter Phone-Free February.

Experts in This Article

Aaron Brinen

assistant professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Vanderbilt University Medical Center

Jaime Zuckerman

a licensed clinical psychologist based in Pennsylvania

John Mayer

clinical psychologist and author of Family Fit: Find Your Balance in Life

Thea Gallagher

clinical psychologist and co-host of the Mind In View podcast

This nonprofit campaign encourages people to use their screens less for 28 days, with the ultimate goal of interacting more with the real world. Doing Phone-Free February doesn’t mean you have to completely ditch your phone—that would be impossible for most people with jobs, anyway. But it encourages being on screens less. Here’s what the challenge involves, plus why psychologists say this trend is actually worth considering.

What is Phone-Free February, anyway?

Phone-Free February is a campaign that was co-created by the Global Solidarity Foundation, a nonprofit organization that focuses on social issues like climate justice, smartphone usage, and sustainability. Phone-Free February kicks off on February 1 and lasts for the entire month.

The overarching goal is to “promote healthier smartphone use by challenging you to go without your phone for the month of February,” according to the Phone-Free February website. Participants can choose from two levels: PhoneFlex, which challenges followers to use their phones less and be mindful about their usage, and Phone-Free, which involves putting your phone in a box for a month. (FYI, the creators of Phone-Free February admit on the challenge’s website that this second category is “radical” and “advanced.”)

If you want to do Phone-Free February the way the challenge was intended, you’ll need to sign up for a level online. But technically, you can just try to spend the month of February being more mindful about your phone usage.

Benefits of reducing your screen time

There is a lot of data to show that our phone usage isn’t exactly healthy. That said, lowering your screen time can offer some useful benefits.

Lowers risk of health conditions

Research shows that excessive screen time is linked with a higher risk of obesity, mental health concerns like anxiety and depression, and sleep complications. And unfortunately, obesity, mental health conditions, and sleep issues can all be related. “If you’re on your phone and scrolling, you usually don’t realize that you’re mindlessly snacking,” says Jaime Zuckerman, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Pennsylvania.

Eating more than your body needs can raise your risk of obesity, obesity can then cause sleep disorders like sleep apnea, and not getting enough sleep can worsen your mental health. See the cycle? Cutting back on your screen usage can lower your risk of these health conditions and improve your overall quality of life. “Less screen time could improve your weight and, ultimately, your health,” Dr. Zuckerman adds.

Increases self-awareness

Less time for the phone = more time for you. “A big pro is that you can allow yourself to be with your thoughts when you’re not on your phone,” says Thea Gallagher, PsyD, a clinical assistant professor at NYU Langone Health and a cohost of the Mind in View podcast. “That can be powerful, and you can get to know yourself, building self-awareness of your thoughts, feelings, creative urges, dreams, and imagination.”

Improves relationships

Could your phone affect your relationships? Turns out, yes. Going screenless may also improve your relationships, says psychologist John Mayer, Ph.D., author of Family Fit: Find Your Balance in Life. “I have seen so many relationships being poisoned by one or both partners spending inordinate amounts of time on their phone and not engaging in conversation and activities with their partner,” he says. Without the excess phone usage, you may get some time back to spend with your loved ones and see them beyond the screen.

Boosts mental health

Limiting screen time also means you’re likely to be on social media less—and that can give your mental health a boost, Dr. Zuckerman says.“It reduces the self-comparison that people tend to do on social media and can improve your self-image,” she explains.

Aaron P. Brinen, PsyD, assistant professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, agrees that a lot of phone use is tied to social media. “Many of the things we are doing are algorithm-based,” he says. “Essentially it’s a digital slot machine. Just like any type of behavior on a reinforcement schedule, it’s good to step away. If you’re in Vegas, there’s value in stepping away from the gambling tables. ”When you can make intentional time to take a break, Brinen says you’ll likely notice that your anxiety goes down.

Allows you to become more present

Overall, Dr. Gallagher says that spending less time on your phone allows you to be more present in everyday life. “Phones have a tendency to pull us out of the moment,” she says. “When you remove that, you’re allowing yourself to focus on the people in your life and what’s happening around you.”

How to spend less time on your phone

Experts say there are a few things you can do to make it easier to spend less time on your phone. Consider these tips:

Curb your app use: Disabling push notifications for apps you don’t need, like social media platforms, can go a long way. You can even delete the apps if you have trouble controlling your use, Dr. Gallagher says. “There are timers and reminders on the phones—you can use them,” Dr. Brinen adds. (He points out that he has a timer on his phone for YouTube and has found it to help limit his use.) Apps that limit screen time are also something you can try if the feature isn’t already embedded in your phone.
Designate screen-free times during the day: Dr. Gallagher suggests setting aside time when your phone is put away, like from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. (You can also hide your apps from your phone during certain times of the day, Dr. Brinen explains.) The best time frame to choose is ultimately what fits best with your work and home life schedule. If you’re a heavy phone user, Dr. Gallagher suggests going slow. “Start with 20 minutes, then 30 minutes, and note how you feel before and after,” she says. “It can give you an opportunity to see that those breaks are possible and beneficial.”
Put your phone to “bed” for the night: Many people use their phone as an alarm, but you don’t have to go this route. Instead, consider investing in an analog alarm clock and putting your phone away in another room for the night at a designated time, like an hour or half hour before you plan to go to sleep. If you’re worried about getting a call about a family emergency, you can put your phone on “do not disturb” but allow certain contacts to still get through.
Don’t feel the need to respond immediately: “A lot of us feel like we have to respond right away if somebody texts us,” Dr. Gallagher explains. “But you don’t have to do that.” Instead, she suggests setting a new precedent with yourself where you only respond to texts within a certain window of time or simply don’t feel pressure to get back to people right away. “People should not feel like they need to be constantly contactable,” she says.

What to do when you’re not on your phone

Have the health benefits of reducing screen time convinced you to try the challenge? We’re rooting for you! But, going without a phone (for short or long periods of time) can still be challenging in this day of age. If you’re seeking ideas of what to do with the newly-founded time in your schedule, look no further. Here’s what our experts recommend to maximize your screenless time:

Focus on things you enjoy: If you have certain hobbies in place already, Dr. Zuckerman recommends focusing on them more. But she also stresses that you don’t need to spend time doing something during your screenless time because you feel obligated to do it. “If exercising isn’t something you enjoy, don’t do it during that time,” she says. “You have to make sure these are things you enjoy.”
Try to spend time outside: Research has linked outdoor time to better mental health, but Dr. Zuckerman says it’s important to get out in a way that feels natural to you. “You don’t need to go on a hike,” she says. “You can just sit on a bench during a lunch break or take a quick walk outside.”
Have conversations with other people: It sounds simple, but Dr. Gallagher explains that you’ll be surprised at how much better conversations flow when you’re not distracted by your phone. Dr. Mayer agrees. “Talk to your partner, your kids. Let’s get back to good conversations,” he adds.
Start reading: It’s not for everyone, but Dr. Gallagher points out that reading a good book can be a nice substitution for time you would have otherwise spent scrolling. Don’t love books? Try a magazine, comic book, or poetry. Reading shouldn’t be a chore, so find something that actually piques your interest.
Spend time with your thoughts: You don’t have to be doing something, physically or mentally, at all hours of the day, Dr. Gallagher says. Taking time to sit, think, and reflect can help you become more mindful and maybe even learn a few things about yourself along the way.

The bottom line

Phone-Free February challenges you to be more mindful about your phone usage. If you feel like you’re probably picking up your phone too often or doomscrolling even though you didn’t even want to, you’re not alone. But, here’s your chance to be more proactive about your habits.

Doing your best to cut down on your screen time can help boost your mental and physical health, and even improve your relationships with loved ones. Just be honest with yourself about when you need to use your phone, and when you don’t, and take things from there. It’s not always easy to give up the devices in our technology-driven world, but be kind to yourself and don’t judge too hard if you still need to be on your phone from time to time. When in doubt, remember what Dr. Gallagher says: “Have compassion for yourself.”

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Health Mental Health

Published Jan 28, 2025

Why Does It Feel So Good to Vent to ChatGPT?

Over a hundred TikTok videos show creators sharing their grievances with AI. But why do we turn to chatbots to feel better?

Why Does It Feel So Good to Vent to ChatGPT?

Over a hundred TikTok videos show creators sharing their grievances with AI. But why do we turn to chatbots to feel better?

Published Jan 28, 2025

Written by

Natalie Arroyo Camacho

Stocksy / Marija Savic

Published Jan 28, 2025

Written by

Natalie Arroyo Camacho

People generally use ChatGPT as their personal assistant—to draft emails, create itineraries, or help them with research. But for Patricia Fragoso, a 32-year-old medical admitting clerk from Los Angeles, California, it’s something else entirely: a confidant for venting about her love life. “When my relationship started getting really rocky, I was like, ‘I need to talk to someone,’” she tells Well+Good. ChatGPT was available.

Experts in This Article

Cristina Castrillon

licensed marriage and family therapist

Michael Holohan

psychoanalyst and a researcher at the Institute of History and Ethics in Medicine at the Technical University of Munich

Sanam Hafeez

neuropsychologist and founder of Comprehend the Mind

Fragoso still talks to her friends about similar issues but often prefers to complain to the artificial intelligence chatbot about her relationship. “I felt like there is absolutely zero judgment,” she says, “and I can vent about the same thing as much as I want to without having people say, ‘Alright, just get over it.’” Fragoso is far from the only person using AI technology in this way.

A growing trend

Andres Marquez, a 31-year-old behavior analyst from Sun Valley, California, has also trusted ChatGPT with his personal problems. However, he takes a slightly different approach: He doesn’t talk about himself in the first person. “I would say, ‘There is a [person], and this is their problem. What should they do?’” Marquez vents, then prompts ChatGPT to provide a solution.

How common is this trend? Over a hundred TikTok videos show creators sharing their grievances with AI. For example, one TikTok user posted a video of their mom confessing her issues to ChatGPT. The chatbot then responded, “I am forever by your side, so just tell me how you feel whenever you want.” Other TikTok users take a more comedic approach, jokingly calling ChatGPT their “true therapy and true best friend.”

There’s something about “speaking to someone or something with the feeling of being heard,” says Michael Holohan, PhD, a psychoanalyst and a researcher at the Institute of History and Ethics in Medicine at the Technical University of Munich. The experience could be validating, or it could just be a good way to get something off your mind. ChatGPT can be that “friend” who’s always there to help lift your spirits.

ChatGPT had 200 million weekly users as of August 2024, according to Reuters. As for how many users specifically use the technology for venting purposes, ChatGPT’s Open AI representatives told Well+Good it doesn’t have any stats to share.

Why do we turn to tech?

Sometimes, people feel more comfortable being vulnerable with a counterpart that isn’t human. But why do chatbots feel particularly adept at addressing our needs?

Holohan posits that artificial intelligence is engaging and, therefore, enticing. “We are curious and playful creatures, and, at the moment, there is enough of a back and forth that this technology provides us.” For instance, ChatGPT might ask the same questions as a therapist, such as “How does that make you feel?”

As for not being human, that might not be as crucial as we think. “To be quite honest, it makes sense because we have imaginary friends when we’re children, and sometimes, even when we’re adults,” says Holohan, adding that some people talk to their pets.

It’s important to note that using AI to vent is currently an understudied concept, so there isn’t sufficient empirical data to support any concrete answers about why it makes us feel better.

A bit of caution

An important distinction between venting and therapy: When you vent, you express your negative emotions—like frustration, disappointment, and anger. In therapy, however, you go through a structured process to better understand the underlying causes of negative emotions.

Some studies examine the relationship between therapy and artificial intelligence. One such study, published in Humanities and Social Sciences Communications, concluded that ChatGPT can “provide an interesting complement to psychotherapy and an easily accessible, good (and currently free) place to go for people with mental health problems.”

Experts caution against using AI to replace actual therapy with a trained, licensed professional. Sanam Hafeez, PsyD, a neuropsychologist and the founder of Comprehend the Mind, says that in therapy, you’ll (hopefully) develop coping mechanisms and solutions. Venting, however, generally helps you feel better in the moment.

Moreover, experts raise privacy concerns. Therapist Cristina Castrillon, LMFT, is particularly concerned about violations of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA). She thinks it’s worth asking whether chatbots legally and ethically store personal information and whether that information is sold to third parties.

There’s also concern about crisis situations. “What protocol is used if someone is in a crisis situation—where they might be suicidal, homicidal, or having a psychotic break?” asks Castrillon. Because ChatGPT is not human, licensed, trained, or regulated, there aren’t any concrete answers for that, either.

Marquez considers ChatGPT a friend; perhaps that’s all it should remain. As for what ChatGPT thinks about that, the AI replied to Marquez, “It’s fascinating to see how technology can replicate some of the comfort traditionally provided by human connections. I’m here to help in any way I can—whether listening, validating, or brainstorming solutions.” It even included a pink heart emoji.