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Eating almond butter right out of the jar without fearing judgement, never having to compromise on what to watch on Hulu, sleeping diagonally taking up the entire bed…there’s a lot to love about living alone. But it’s not uncommon to feel lonely from time-to-time either. Sometimes, it can feel a little too quiet—especially if you aren’t living alone by choice.
Jill Sylvester, LMHC, a mental health therapist and author of Trust Your Intuition: 100 Ways to Transform Anxiety and Depression For Stronger Mental Health, says that this is a common emotion may of her clients struggle with when living alone. But she also says there’s more in people’s control than they often realize. Here, Sylvester shares her best tips on how to live alone in a way that makes you feel absolutely fabulous and grateful—not lonely.
Scroll down for tips on how to live alone without feeling lonely.
1. Create morning and night routines you love.
When you live alone, there are often two prime times loneliness can peak: morning (when you’re lying in bed thinking of the whole day ahead) and evening (when you get home from work and aren’t quite sure how to fill your time). What helps in both instances, according to Sylvester, is having a routine. “This provides a structure so you know what’s coming and what to look forward to,” she says.
Sylvester encourages everyone—not just those who live alone—to spend time in the morning thinking about their purpose and what they’re looking forward to. “Having a sense of purpose is an excellent way to combat loneliness,” she says. For example, perhaps you decide part of your morning routine is savoring a cup of matcha while you spend 15 minutes journaling before the work day starts.
For an evening routine, you might decide to make a routine of listening to a different podcast every night while you cook dinner. The time is yours to play with and craft. “Solitude is different than loneliness, and having solitary activities you enjoy as part of your routine provides something to look forward to,” Sylvester says.
2. Limit the time you spend on social media.
Nothing feels worse than being home alone and scrolling though Instagram seeing other people seemingly out there living their best lives, which is why Sylvester says to put a time limit on the amount of time spent on social media. “If you’re feeling sad, grumpy, or agitated, that’s not a good time to go on social media at all,” she adds. Instead, she says to either do something you love solo or actually pick up the phone and connect with someone you care about. Which is also related to her next tip…
3. Connect with others IRL throughout the week.
Sylvester emphasizes that everyone needs connection and one of the great perks of living alone is that you get to fill your time with exactly how you—and you alone—want to fill it. Her advice: Plan meet-ups and phone calls with people you care about so you’re getting your fill of human interaction, the antithesis to loneliness.
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“Or, something else you can plan is time just to go to a cafe and read, go to a workout class, or something else where you’re actually around other people, even if you’re not necessarily talking to them,” she says. That way, you can still feel connected to others, even if you aren’t necessarily in the mood to be social.
4. Focus on what you have, not what you don’t have.
In order to get out of that “grass is always greener” mindset and think all your coupled-up friends are happier than you are, Sylvester says it helps to focus on what you have, not what you’re missing. “Part of this is training your mind to think this way,” she says.
If, for you, gratitude has always sounded nice in theory but not-so easy in practice, Sylvester suggests making a habit of writing down ten things you’re grateful for every day, especially related to living alone. “You might be thankful that you can keep a clean house, that you don’t have to share the bathroom, or that the den is decorated exactly how you like,” she says. “If you’re someone who tends to look at the glass half empty, know that change doesn’t happen overnight, but stick with it and you can train your brain to think differently,” she says.
Regardless of your living situation, seeing your own life through rose-tinted glasses is bound to make you appreciate it more. And it always helps to remember that it doesn’t mean you’re lonely when you’re alone. (Cue the Kelly Clarkson.)
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If you’ve ever left the house without your phone, you know how naked it can make you feel in those moments before you race back to reclaim your screen. But you’re not the only one experiencing phone dependency: One survey found that we spend up to 40 hours a week on our phones, and 40 percent of adults say they’re online almost constantly, per the Pew Research Center. Does that number surprise you? Then you may be one of those people wondering if it’s a good idea to spend less time on your phone. Enter Phone-Free February.
clinical psychologist and co-host of the Mind In View podcast
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This nonprofit campaign encourages people to use their screens less for 28 days, with the ultimate goal of interacting more with the real world. Doing Phone-Free February doesn’t mean you have to completely ditch your phone—that would be impossible for most people with jobs, anyway. But it encourages being on screens less. Here’s what the challenge involves, plus why psychologists say this trend is actually worth considering.
What is Phone-Free February, anyway?
Phone-Free February is a campaign that was co-created by the Global Solidarity Foundation, a nonprofit organization that focuses on social issues like climate justice, smartphone usage, and sustainability. Phone-Free February kicks off on February 1 and lasts for the entire month.
The overarching goal is to “promote healthier smartphone use by challenging you to go without your phone for the month of February,” according to the Phone-Free February website. Participants can choose from two levels: PhoneFlex, which challenges followers to use their phones less and be mindful about their usage, and Phone-Free, which involves putting your phone in a box for a month. (FYI, the creators of Phone-Free February admit on the challenge’s website that this second category is “radical” and “advanced.”)
If you want to do Phone-Free February the way the challenge was intended, you’ll need to sign up for a level online. But technically, you can just try to spend the month of February being more mindful about your phone usage.
Benefits of reducing your screen time
There is a lot of data to show that our phone usage isn’t exactly healthy. That said, lowering your screen time can offer some useful benefits.
Lowers risk of health conditions
Research shows that excessive screen time is linked with a higher risk of obesity, mental health concerns like anxiety and depression, and sleep complications. And unfortunately, obesity, mental health conditions, and sleep issues can all be related. “If you’re on your phone and scrolling, you usually don’t realize that you’re mindlessly snacking,” says Jaime Zuckerman, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Pennsylvania.
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Eating more than your body needs can raise your risk of obesity, obesity can then cause sleep disorders like sleep apnea, and not getting enough sleep can worsen your mental health. See the cycle? Cutting back on your screen usage can lower your risk of these health conditions and improve your overall quality of life. “Less screen time could improve your weight and, ultimately, your health,” Dr. Zuckerman adds.
Increases self-awareness
Less time for the phone = more time for you. “A big pro is that you can allow yourself to be with your thoughts when you’re not on your phone,” says Thea Gallagher, PsyD, a clinical assistant professor at NYU Langone Health and a cohost of the Mind in View podcast. “That can be powerful, and you can get to know yourself, building self-awareness of your thoughts, feelings, creative urges, dreams, and imagination.”
Improves relationships
Could your phone affect your relationships? Turns out, yes. Going screenless may also improve your relationships, says psychologist John Mayer, Ph.D., author of Family Fit: Find Your Balance in Life. “I have seen so many relationships being poisoned by one or both partners spending inordinate amounts of time on their phone and not engaging in conversation and activities with their partner,” he says. Without the excess phone usage, you may get some time back to spend with your loved ones and see them beyond the screen.
Boosts mental health
Limiting screen time also means you’re likely to be on social media less—and that can give your mental health a boost, Dr. Zuckerman says.“It reduces the self-comparison that people tend to do on social media and can improve your self-image,” she explains.
Aaron P. Brinen, PsyD, assistant professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, agrees that a lot of phone use is tied to social media. “Many of the things we are doing are algorithm-based,” he says. “Essentially it’s a digital slot machine. Just like any type of behavior on a reinforcement schedule, it’s good to step away. If you’re in Vegas, there’s value in stepping away from the gambling tables. ”When you can make intentional time to take a break, Brinen says you’ll likely notice that your anxiety goes down.
Allows you to become more present
Overall, Dr. Gallagher says that spending less time on your phone allows you to be more present in everyday life. “Phones have a tendency to pull us out of the moment,” she says. “When you remove that, you’re allowing yourself to focus on the people in your life and what’s happening around you.”
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How to spend less time on your phone
Experts say there are a few things you can do to make it easier to spend less time on your phone. Consider these tips:
Curb your app use: Disabling push notifications for apps you don’t need, like social media platforms, can go a long way. You can even delete the apps if you have trouble controlling your use, Dr. Gallagher says. “There are timers and reminders on the phones—you can use them,” Dr. Brinen adds. (He points out that he has a timer on his phone for YouTube and has found it to help limit his use.) Apps that limit screen time are also something you can try if the feature isn’t already embedded in your phone.
Designate screen-free times during the day: Dr. Gallagher suggests setting aside time when your phone is put away, like from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. (You can also hide your apps from your phone during certain times of the day, Dr. Brinen explains.) The best time frame to choose is ultimately what fits best with your work and home life schedule. If you’re a heavy phone user, Dr. Gallagher suggests going slow. “Start with 20 minutes, then 30 minutes, and note how you feel before and after,” she says. “It can give you an opportunity to see that those breaks are possible and beneficial.”
Put your phone to “bed” for the night: Many people use their phone as an alarm, but you don’t have to go this route. Instead, consider investing in an analog alarm clock and putting your phone away in another room for the night at a designated time, like an hour or half hour before you plan to go to sleep. If you’re worried about getting a call about a family emergency, you can put your phone on “do not disturb” but allow certain contacts to still get through.
Don’t feel the need to respond immediately: “A lot of us feel like we have to respond right away if somebody texts us,” Dr. Gallagher explains. “But you don’t have to do that.” Instead, she suggests setting a new precedent with yourself where you only respond to texts within a certain window of time or simply don’t feel pressure to get back to people right away. “People should not feel like they need to be constantly contactable,” she says.
What to do when you’re not on your phone
Have the health benefits of reducing screen time convinced you to try the challenge? We’re rooting for you! But, going without a phone (for short or long periods of time) can still be challenging in this day of age. If you’re seeking ideas of what to do with the newly-founded time in your schedule, look no further. Here’s what our experts recommend to maximize your screenless time:
Focus on things you enjoy: If you have certain hobbies in place already, Dr. Zuckerman recommends focusing on them more. But she also stresses that you don’t need to spend time doing something during your screenless time because you feel obligated to do it. “If exercising isn’t something you enjoy, don’t do it during that time,” she says. “You have to make sure these are things you enjoy.”
Try to spend time outside:Research has linked outdoor time to better mental health, but Dr. Zuckerman says it’s important to get out in a way that feels natural to you. “You don’t need to go on a hike,” she says. “You can just sit on a bench during a lunch break or take a quick walk outside.”
Have conversations with other people: It sounds simple, but Dr. Gallagher explains that you’ll be surprised at how much better conversations flow when you’re not distracted by your phone. Dr. Mayer agrees. “Talk to your partner, your kids. Let’s get back to good conversations,” he adds.
Start reading: It’s not for everyone, but Dr. Gallagher points out that reading a good book can be a nice substitution for time you would have otherwise spent scrolling. Don’t love books? Try a magazine, comic book, or poetry. Reading shouldn’t be a chore, so find something that actually piques your interest.
Spend time with your thoughts: You don’t have to be doing something, physically or mentally, at all hours of the day, Dr. Gallagher says. Taking time to sit, think, and reflect can help you become more mindful and maybe even learn a few things about yourself along the way.
The bottom line
Phone-Free February challenges you to be more mindful about your phone usage. If you feel like you’re probably picking up your phone too often or doomscrolling even though you didn’t even want to, you’re not alone. But, here’s your chance to be more proactive about your habits.
Doing your best to cut down on your screen time can help boost your mental and physical health, and even improve your relationships with loved ones. Just be honest with yourself about when you need to use your phone, and when you don’t, and take things from there. It’s not always easy to give up the devices in our technology-driven world, but be kind to yourself and don’t judge too hard if you still need to be on your phone from time to time. When in doubt, remember what Dr. Gallagher says: “Have compassion for yourself.”
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