It’s a new era of mental health realness, and celebrities like Demi Lovato, Kristen Bell, and Selena Gomez are leading the charge by opening up about their own struggles with conditions like anxiety and depression. After getting candid about her own experience with “a 60-day-long panic attack,” Lo Bosworth is now speaking out about how to help others.

“The worst thing you can say to somebody who is anxious or having a moment is ‘calm down.’ That’s not going to help them.”

At a recent event at Chillhouse in New York City, the reality star, podcast host, and wellness aficionado said she quietly struggled with anxiety, insomnia, and depression before seeking treatment. In addition to a new supplement regimen (one she credits with helping her regain her equilibrium), Bosworth gained perspective on what it takes to be an affective ally. “The worst thing you can say to somebody who is anxious or having a moment is ‘calm down.’ That’s not going to help them,” she said.

So how can you help someone if you don’t personally struggle with anxiety or panic attacks? “I think a better way to approach it is to say, ‘Do you want to talk to me about what you’re going through right now? What’s on your mind? What are you feeling physically?’ If they don’t want to talk, just say, ‘You don’t want to talk right now, and that’s okay. I’m here for you. Tell me what you need from me.'” A sympathetic ear will be welcomed much more readily than your unsolicited advice.

Find out why Lo decided to quit high-intensity cardioworkouts, and discover why these are the healthy snacks Whitney Port always keeps in her fridge.