How to Stop Cursing and Swearing, According to Experts

While cursing may be no big deal among close friends and adult family, it sure can be embarrassing (at best) when done in inappropriate contexts. But by golly, does it feel good to let out a swear sometimes. “Cursing among adults can, in some instances, be beneficial. For example, in bonding based on a common language and mutual understanding,” says parenting expert Rosina McAlpine, PhD. But what if you’re thinking of how to stop swearing? You’re in luck. Just like learning communication with different personality types, toning down cursing can be a great skill to learn and it definitely is doable.

“Cursing among adults can, in some instances, be beneficial. For example, in bonding based on a common language and mutual understanding.” —Rosina McAlpine, PhD

However, kicking your curse habit will take some effort on your part. That’s because, as Dr. McAlpine says, habits like swearing “can be hard to break once they’re hardwired in the brain.” But not to worry—no matter why it is you’re jonesing to flush your potty mouth, experts are here to help.

How to stop swearing

1. Swap out your curses with something else

One way to stop swearing is to identify alternative language, as Amy Morin, LCSW, psychotherapist says. “You can show you’re angry, sarcastic, or serious by swearing and you might think other words don’t pack such a powerful punch.” However, if you can have alternative phrases or words up your sleeve before you need to swear, you’ll stand a better chance at kicking your swear habit. Try something like “what on earth” instead of “what the [f-word]” as this phrase gets the same point across, Morin says.

2. Identify your triggers

If you find that you tend to swear only around certain friends, when you’re frustrated, or when you’re drinking, Morin says to “raise your awareness about those times when it’s tough to avoid swearing so you can be on guard.”

3. Try a swear jar

It’s a classic for a reason. Etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore suggests keeping one at your desk and putting a dollar in the jar every time you slip up. Not only does this hold you accountable, but you can use it as a rewards system, too. Once you cut down on your swearing and add no funds to the jar for a specified amount of time, you can use the money to treat yourself to your favorite matcha latte.

4. Implement a reward system

If you’d still like to earn a lil’ reward for yourself but would rather not focus on the punishment aspect of a swear jar, treat yourself for using good language, Morin says. “Depending on how often you tend to swear, you might throw a dollar in the jar for every four hours you go without swearing or maybe $5 at the end of the day,” she suggests.

5. Work on some stress management techniques

“If you find swearing is a go-to when you’re stressed, try some stress-relief techniques,” says therapist Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC. She recommends techniques such as deep breathing or taking a quick walk if you can manage it.

6. Use a mindful pause

“The pause is an effective tool when you want to feel a sense of control when communicating,” adds psychotherapist Gabrielle Morse, LMHC. “If you notice yourself feeling emotionally hijacked, pause before you continue speaking,” Morse adds. “Consider how you want to feel afterwards, and act accordingly.”

Reasons you swear so much

1. To release frustration

“People often swear to release frustration,” says etiquette expert and speech language pathologist Jo Hayes, who adds that these people “get a level of ‘release’ or ‘satisfaction’ from describing something with the intensity, or aggression, that swear words convey.” With this in mind, know that if you want to stop cursing for good, it may help to hone in on stress management techniques that are more…productive in the workplace or other contexts besides saying bad words.

2. It physically feels good

Another reason you might swear so much is because it actually physically feels good to say certain words. Hayes also explains that from a physical/linguistic perspective, “many swear words, such as the ‘F’ word, are ‘fricatives,’ meaning they are expelled from one’s mouth with a certain level of friction or turbulence — making them physically satisfying to say, especially when said with force.

With this in mind, Hayes also adds that replacing things like the F-word with a similar sounding fricative may help if you want to stop swearing. Try something like “far out,” which Hayes explains can be used in a similar context and has the same mouth position, making it easy-peasy to swap out with if you can catch yourself in time.

In fact, you can even try the word “fricative” itself, since, as Hayes notes, it’s also a pretty fun word to say. However, she adds that while saying something like “far out” or “fricative” is certainly better than cursing, the ideal response would be to acknowledge, and respond in a calm, anchored way rather than reacting (aka cursing) when the desire to swear happens.

3. You’re surrounded by other people who swear

You may also find that you swear a lot because it’s just a habit, as Morin says. “Language is also contagious,” she explains. “If you’re surrounded by people who swear, you’ll start using those words too. Swear words can become easy-to-use shortcuts that emphasize how you’re feeling.”

How to stop swearing at work

While some workplaces are more lax than others about using questionable language, listening to how others communicate can be a helpful guideline to help you gauge your own choice of words. For example, if your boss is more likely to say “Give ’em heck!” to pump you up before a big meeting than something less…FCC compliant, consider channeling the lexicon of Cinderella’s fairy godmother more so than that of Tony Soprano’s. And while cursing isn’t as offensive as say, using ableist language, it’s still something that you should be able to tone down in certain contexts, so it’s good to be able to put a pause on the cursing at work.

And if you’ve been reprimanded by your boss, or a colleague has communicated that your casual cursing is bothersome, you may want to put an end to it. To help you curb the habit, Whitmore also suggests using a designated accountability buddy. Clue in your work wife about your goal so they can keep you in check. For instance, if you accidentally let F bombs fly when the printer breaks down (again) they can shoot you a Slack message to alert you about your slipup.

How to stop swearing if kids are around

For better or worse, kids are hugely impressionable and are prime candidates for picking up on (and parroting) your cursing habit. And while just the thought of a toddler yelping “sh*t!” after taking a tumble may bring about a belly laugh in even the most clean-mouthed among us, normalizing such language is tricky when it comes to kiddos. “Generally, younger children can’t distinguish between socially acceptable and unacceptable words and behaviors so they will repeat swear or curse words in public, often leaving parents embarrassed and reprimanding the child for unacceptable language,” says Dr. McAlpine.

To avoid your little one getting you or themselves some judgy side-eye, there are some guidelines you can follow. Like you would at work, you can have another adult that keeps you on track, whether that’s a spouse or a bestie who can kindly remind you to stop. Dr. McAlpine adds that it’s important to be aware of your swear triggers in environments you share with kids (like your house or their school, etc.). Then, rewire how you’d typically react to things that would make you angry or frustrated.

“Emotional regulation skills are very helpful in all aspects of life,” Dr. McAlpine says. Different methods work for different people, so consider this your opportunity to try that meditation or kickboxing class you’ve been curious about.

Other things to keep in mind about how to stop swearing

In addition to helpful tricks like swear jars and accountability buddies, Robert Taibbi, LSCW, suggests simply remembering to take a beat and be self-aware. “Habits run on autopilot,” Taibbi says. “So you generally want to slow down your talking.” If you’re in a situation that lends itself to casual swearing (like being around friends at a bar on the weekend—not so much being at a board meeting on a Tuesday morning), be sure to practice mindfulness and think before you speak. And if swearing helps you release stress or is a form of catharsis, Taibbi says there are other options you can explore, like stress balls and journaling.

But, all things considered, make sure to just be patient with yourself—for the greater good. “Everyone makes mistakes, and when parents make a mistake and own up to it, it gives their children the opportunity to make mistakes, to not be too hard on themselves, and to learn how to apologize and behave in a better way,” Dr. McAlpine says.

FAQs

How do I permanently stop swearing?

It’s possible to permanently stop swearing if you practice with intentionality, Morin says. “Most people are able to turn off swearing in situations where it’s clearly inappropriate,” citing examples like being in religious settings, visiting elderly relatives, or during a job interview. If you can turn it off in those situations, you should be able to then expand that to other areas of your life, Morin says.

How do I stop saying the F word?

As Hayes pointed out above, try swapping in a similar sounding fricative every time you’re tempted to say the F-word.

Why do I curse so much?

As our experts have noted, it can be due to a variety of factors such as a need to release frustration, habit, being surrounded by others who swear, and more.

Is swearing a bad habit?

“Swearing is frowned upon in many social and professional settings,” says Morin, adding that “some swear words can be offensive or constitute sexual harassment, so it’s important to be aware of how your language impacts others.”