While it’s commonly reported that the majority of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone, the G-spot is notable for being one of the few pleasure points inside the vagina. “The G-spot (also known as the Grafenberg spot after the doctor who ‘discovered’ it), is an area inside the vagina, roughly 1-2 inches inside the vaginal canal on the roof of the vagina,” explains somatic sex educator, Kiana Reeves, chief education officer for Foria. The G-spot is especially notable because stimulation of it can sometimes lead to squirting during sex. But how to find the G-spot? That’s a bit complicated. To explain, we need to quickly dive into the controversy around the G spot.

For starters, there’s often the question of whether or not it even exists. Academic research on the matter is severely lacking, and many studies are outdated. “Since its ‘discovery’ in 1950, the G-spot has been somewhat of a Bermuda Triangle, with research going back and forth about the spot’s location, and even its very existence,” says certified sex therapist Holly Wood, MS, LMFT, for BedBible.

“The challenge with research on the G-spot is that no two vaginas are wired the same, so the location varies slightly from person to person, along with the nerve composition.” Reeves explains. This means that “for some, G-spot stimulation feels amazing, for others it might feel a bit numb (either because of small amounts of scar tissue from poorly lubricated sex or other experiences that taught the body to ‘armor’ this area from having too much sensation,” she adds.

“The challenge with research on the G-spot is that no two vaginas are wired the same.” —Kiana Reeves, somatic sex educator and chief education officer at Foria

We spoke to the experts to find out everything you need to know about how to find the G-spot and your best tips for G-spot stimulation, and maybe even squirting during G-spot sex.

Is the G-spot real?

“Of all the 31 studies conducted to answer [if the G-spot is real], there has been agreement on the G-spot existing, but not necessarily on the ‘location, size, or nature of it,²’” explains sex therapist and therapist Taylor Nolan, PhD, sexology expert for PlusOne.

“Essentially, it anatomically exists, but may vary in location, size, and nature from body to body,” Dr. Nolan adds. Reeves also notes that “women have largely different reactions to stimulation of this area of the body, so it’s not a big deal at all if you do not derive pleasure or your partner can’t easily locate the area. On the flip side, if you’ve experienced heightened pleasure by stimulation of this area, that’s awesome,” says Reeves.

Is squirting from the G-spot just pee?

It’s complicated, Story says, explaining that “When you squirt, about two ounces of liquid that is built up in the Skene’s gland exits the body through the urethra. The liquid is made up of an enzyme called prostatic-specific antigen (PSA) and may contain some traces of urine (though this is still up for scientific debate¹).”

However, pleasure is pleasure and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed if you squirt. In fact, many people find it to be a turn-on for themselves and their partner.

How are the G-spot and A-spot different?

Sometimes you might hear of the A-spot, which is yet another of the vaginal pleasure zones. The A-spot is located deeper in the vagina, about 4 or 5 inches inside (compared to the G-spot’s location of 1-3 inches), Dr. Nolan explains. “Stimulating the G-spot often leads to ejaculation, while the A-spot is known for increased lubrication of the vagina,” Dr. Nolan adds. Because the A-spot is so close to the cervix (which may be painful for some), it is important to “start slow in your stimulation and exploration,” she adds.

“Stimulation of the A-spot can be particularly pleasurable for some,” says Wood, however “[the A-spot] is less commonly discussed than the G-spot but can be an equally significant site of pleasure for many,” she adds.

What are some reasons people can’t orgasm from the G-spot?

1. Psychological reasons

“Orgasm is not only a physical experience but also a mental and emotional one,” Dr. Nolan says. “Our mind and body are connected, so if you aren’t in a safe environment or if your mind is elsewhere, it could prevent you from orgasm,” she adds. Not to mention, with G-spot play and squirting specifically, the fear of peeing yourself may add to any conscious (or unconscious) fears you have about letting go.

2. Accessibility

“Because the location, size, and nature of the G-spot varies, some folks may have difficulty finding it to begin with,” Dr. Nolan explains. “It may also be the case for some folks that mobility is a barrier,” she adds. In these instances, a curved intimate wellness device or sex toy may help you explore the area easier. Dr. Nolan recommends the plusOne G-spot massager, along with lube.

3. It’s not for everyone

“It’s important to note that not all women will find the stimulation of this area pleasurable.” Wood says. Reeves also agrees, adding that “others may actually find it a bit painful or uncomfortable to stimulate this area,” in which case: listen to your body.

“As human beings, we are all made slightly anatomically and physiologically different,” Wood adds, so if you’ve tried every toy, every which way, and have spent hours poring articles like this one on how to find the G-spot to no avail, do not worry. After all, there’s no shortage of other types of orgasms or erogenous zones for women to explore.

How to find the G-spot

According to sexologist Rebecca Alvarez Story, here’s how to find the G-spot with your hands.

1. Make sure your hands are clean

Before you start, make sure your hands are clean and your fingernails are not sharp because you’re going to be inserting them into a very sensitive area. It can also be helpful to place a towel under you for easy cleanup.

2. Try and get aroused first

Warm yourself up by masturbating, listening to erotica, or otherwise getting yourself aroused. Being aroused before G-spot play makes it so that fluids are flowing nicely in your pelvic area and the G-spot becomes more pronounced and easier to find.

3. Get in position

Find a comfortable position that allows you to sit up a bit in order to more easily reach your vagina.

4. Apply gentle pressure

Place your less dominant hand on your lower belly, on top of your uterus, and apply gentle pressure

With your dominant hand slowly insert one or two fingers internally about one inch, curving your finger(s) towards your belly button.

5. Feel around

Try and feel for a slightly ridged or different-textured area about one inch inside the vagina on the side facing your belly button. This is your G-spot.

6. Start stroking

Once you find your G-spot, begin stroking it with your finger(s) until you hear a watery, swooshing sound. In terms of motions, you have to find what works for you—some people prefer an up-and-down motion with two fingers rather than stroking with one.

7. Let go

When you feel a fullness sensation, or like you have to pee, try to mentally ‘let go’ and relax your pelvis while you keep stimulating the G-spot with more intense pressure. You can apply a bit more pressure on your belly using your other hand to help you reach the spot even more. You should start to feel a dripping or squirting sensation shortly after, which can continue for several seconds as you keep pulsing it with pressure. Expect the fluid to be clear or milky with a slight gloss to it.

Tips for G-spot play

So you now know how to find the g spot…but what do you do with it? Here are some tips for G-spot play and intimate exploration, from the experts.

1. Take it slow

The venn diagrams for “how to find the G-spot” and “how to have an orgasm fast” do not touch, overlap, and in fact, aren’t even on the same sheet of paper. “If you haven’t experienced the stimulation of this area before, it’s better to go in slow and easy, and make sure you’re warmed up,” Reeves says, adding that “taking it slow is paramount to avoid discomfort or going too deep before you’re ready.”

2. Try G-spot play when you are ovulating

This is usually two weeks after you start menstruating, and is when your sex drive is the highest of the month, Story adds. Being as aroused as possible may make it easier to locate your G-spot, as discussed above.

3. Try an arousal oil

Foreplay and building up your sexual energy are underrated, says Story. Using an arousal oil can help you get turned on and gives your pelvic area—including your G-spot—more blood flow, which leads to higher sensitivity to touch. Reeves recommends Foria’s Sex Oil (which has CBD) or botanical-based (CBD-free) Arousal Oil for enhancing pleasurable sensation and keeping your tissues hydrated while exploring.

4. Try a G-spot vibrator designed with a slight curve or bump that may allow for a better reach

Just make sure you look for one with medical-grade silicone and use water-based lubes and liquids with them, Story says. Using silicone or oil based lubes can damage silicone toys, and you don’t want that.

5. Strengthen your pelvic-floor muscles

This may help with your ability to squirt, Story explains. You can strengthen your pelvic floor by doing kegels five minutes a day, either on your own or with a bit more guidance from pelvic-floor trainer tools that help you track your progress.

6. Don’t feel discouraged if you can’t find the G-spot

Reeves emphasizes that for those who can’t find the G-spot or don’t find any sexual pleasure from it, there’s nothing wrong with you. “As research suggests, not all women have this cluster of tissues or increased density of nerve endings, and some who do will not derive pleasure by stimulating this area specifically. So if it’s a pass for you, that’s OK!”