Shower Sex Can Bring You Closer (Emotionally and Physically) to Your Partner—and These Tips Can Help

For something that sounds both pleasurable and convenient, shower sex is actually more difficult than you’d think. The general consensus that shower sex is kind of a pain in the butt exists for a reason: “People may be against shower sex because it’s really hard, especially if what you’re going for is intercourse,” says Gigi Engle, certified sex coach, sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide To Sex, Love, and Life. “You usually have to do it standing up, there’s very little lubrication, [and] it’s dangerous.” But that doesn’t mean it can’t be worth it. When it comes to how to have shower sex, the right way, there are a few tips and tricks that can level your shower game up majorly.

“There is something inherently sexy and intimate about shower sex. It seems almost like a rite of passage within a sexual relationship to have sex in the shower at some point.” —Emma Hewitt, in-house sex educator at adulttoymegastore.com

For one, if you take the pressure off intercourse and focus more on appreciating the intimacy of shower sex, you might find yourself pleasantly surprised. After all, “there is something inherently sexy and intimate about shower sex,” says sex educator Emma Hewitt, in-house expert at adulttoymegastore.com. “It seems almost like a rite of passage within a sexual relationship to have sex in the shower at some point,” she adds. Indeed, the environment of sudsing your partner up in the shower and getting steamy seems like the perfect recipe for getting closer to your partner than ever.

To help decipher exactly how to have shower sex in a gratifying, sexy, and non-slip way, we polled the experts for their tips and tricks.

Why to have sex in the shower

When it comes to benefits for having sex in the shower, “It’s the perfect opportunity to get dirty and clean at the same time,” says Hewitt. If you love things like sex positions for cuddling, but typically dread falling asleep (or avoiding) the wet patch in the middle of the bed after— shower sex provides a great mess-free way to be intimate, she adds.

Not to mention, “shower sex can be great for a quick clean-up during period sex,” sexologist Rhiannon John, expert at Bedbible says, adding that “if you or your partner are a little bit squeamish about blood, the water washes it straight down the drain, so you can concentrate on what matters most.” Plus, she adds, having period sex in the shower also helps keep blood off the sheets and off your bedding, which can be a pain to clean.

How to have shower sex

Follow these basic tips for how to have shower sex and you should be off to a good start.

1. Safety comes first

It might be unsexy, but it bears repeating. Shower sex can be dangerous if you slip or fall, so make sure you and your partner are feeling mobile enough to handle any slippery surfaces. Environment plays a big factor here when it comes to letting your mind go and relax enough to have actually pleasurable shower sex, so take the time needed to ensure your space is safe.

This also means ix-naying the super acrobatic positions. There’s a time and place for those and other novelty things like finding the best sex position for your sign: but it might not be the best idea to combine those and shower sex, if you know what we mean. Instead, stick to some tried-and-true go-tos, like the suggestions below.

2. Soap isn’t lube and you’ll need an actual lubricant

“Water is going to wash away whatever natural lubrication your body produces, which is why shower sex can feel dry even when you are soaking wet everywhere else,” says Hewitt. Instead, opt for a silicone-based lubricant, as it won’t wash away in the shower (like water-based lubes will) so you can be sure it’s actually, you know, lubricating. Just be sure you play safe and use a non-slip mat, Hewitt adds.

3. Don’t place too much pressure on penetration

Sex doesn’t always have to include penetration, point blank. However, this is especially true when it comes to how to have shower sex. See, ‘if there’s a significant height difference between partners, sticking to hand stuff may be a better choice,” says Hewitt. The alternative of trying to align the height of your genitals may be too difficult to be pleasurable while standing in the shower, she explains. For even more adventure, you can also use waterproof sex toys as well, she adds.

Best shower sex positions

The Standing Doggy

Many may consider this position the “go-to” for how to have shower sex, as “it’s a fairly easy position to get into,” Hewitt says. For this, “one partner stands facing the wall of the shower, using their hands to rest against the wall and lean forward, while the other partner stands behind them,” Hewitt explains. This position is versatile enough for vaginal or anal penetration, and also leaves room for clitoral stimulation (whether by hand or toy).

The Wrap-Around

If you’re into advanced sex positions, try this one. Here, “both partners face each other with one resting their back against the wall and their leg up around the waist of the other person. The person with both feet on the ground can help by holding their partner’s leg up behind the thigh or knee to help keep them both in position,” Hewitt suggests. This position requires a bit more balance but adds more room to thrust, which is great if you’re into deeper penetration. Hewitt also adds that this position allows for lots of sexy eye-contact and intimacy.

The Downtown

Oral sex doesn’t just have to be foreplay and can indeed be the main event. For this, you or your partner can stand while the other one kneels and performs oral sex. “It’s easy to get into position without any acrobatics, and there’s something about watching someone go down on you while water rains down their face that is incredibly sex,” Hewitt adds. Not to mention, if you or your partner are concerned about slipperiness, kneeling can take quite a bit of that fear away.

Tips for better sex in the shower

When it comes to how to have sex in the shower, there are a few tangible things you can buy that can make the experience much more pleasurable for you and your partner.

1. Non-slip bath tub shower mat ($12)

The key to surviving slippery shower sex positions is a non-slip mat at the bottom of the tub to keep you on your feet. Aim for a latex-, chemical-, and BPA-free shower mat with multi suction cups so you’re saving your body and the environment from harm.

2. Bath and shower handle bar ($12)

Instead of holding onto the wet tile wall that won’t give you much stability, a suction-cup handle bar will allow you to hold on when you need extra support. Just don’t put all of your body weight on it and make sure that it’s suctioned well before you give it a good pull in the heat of the moment.

3. Foot rest ($16)

You don’t have much leverage or security when you’re balancing on one leg or propping the other one up. That’s where an adjustable, moveable foot rest comes in. It mounts directly on the wall, where you can place your foot when you’re lathering each other up and you need a safe place to rest it for balance. This product is to be used as an assist and not to carry all of your weight.

4. Silicone lubricant ($30)

Water is a liquid, yes, but it actually washes away natural vaginal lubrication, so don’t use water-based lubricant in the shower. Instead, try a silicone-based option to reduce friction and maintain a desired level of wetness. Silicone will also last longer under the water and keep the ride as smooth as possible for as long as possible.

5. Waterproof vibrators ($26)

A great way to level up shower play is to bring in some waterproof toys. Premium-grade silicone vibrators (see above), suction-cup handcuffs, and even vibrating loofahs and sponges all make for an incredible way to have more fun in the tub. Before you bring them into the bathroom, triple check to make sure that they’re actually waterproof.

6. Handheld shower head ($20)

You can swap out your OG shower head for one that’ll rock your world while playing alone or with a partner.

When to avoid shower sex

While shower sex can be fun, sometimes it’s best to avoid shower sex in certain instances. “You should avoid having shower sex if you have decreased mobility, including being drunk,” says John. “The water adds an extra slip risk, and there is often a lot of glass in the shower or bathroom, which could lead to some pretty serious injuries if there is a fall,” she adds.

Another instance in which it might be best to avoid shower sex is if you’re feeling lazy. “Shower sex is hot and steamy, but it requires effort to make it feel good, so if you are in the mood for something quick and easy, the bed might be a better option,” Hewitt adds.

FAQs

What does showering together mean?

Showering together can mean anything from you and your partner being in a rush and trying to get ready for work together, to purposefully trying to create quality time together by having steamy shower sex. Ultimately, it can mean whatever you and your partner want it to mean.

Can boyfriend and girlfriend shower together? 

Yes, boyfriend and girlfriend can absolutely shower together. Not only is showering together super sexy, it can also be good for the health of your relationship to focus on the intimacy that comes with steamy shower sex (and you can save water by doing it together).

What percentage of couples shower together?

While couples might not shower together all the time, 24/7, it’s definitely a common occurrence. “People have never failed to have interest in it,” Engle says about shower sex, and this makes total sense. Sudsing you and your partner up just seems like a sexy activity and one that’s ripe for turning steamy (literally and metaphorically).

What happens at a couples shower?

While you can have shower sex in a couples shower, you don’t have to. A couple showering together can be totally sex-free, but also happens to be a great time to get it on. Whatever floats you and your partner’s fancy.

Is it ok to shower with your spouse? 

It’s totally ok to shower with your spouse — and may even be a good idea if you’re both feeling frisky and in the mood to get down and dirty (while getting clean).