When it comes to sex acts that have gotten super popular in recent years, pegging is certainly one of the buzzier acts you may have heard about. Pegging originally referred to a woman using a strap-on dildo to penetrate a male partner, has since evolved to include more fluid kinds of strap-on sex between partners, as our experts will soon explain. It’s pleasurable both physically (for both partners) and mentally. But as for how to peg? It’s not as intimidating as it may seem — you’ll just need to have some open convos first.

“There’s [also] the role reversal for couples where the penetrator becomes the penetratee and vice versa.”—Emma Hewitt, CSE, certified sex educator at Adulttoymegastore

“The booty has a lot of pleasure potential with lots of nerve endings near the opening and the prostate gland deeper inside, which can feel extremely pleasurable when massaged with a dildo and even result in full-body orgasms for some,” says Emma Hewitt, CSE, certified sex educator at Adulttoymegastore. For the pegger, there are also tons of fancy strap-ons and internal sex toys that can be worn during pegging sex to make it pleasurable for them as well.

Not to mention, pegging also taps into mental stimulation that many couples find exciting. “There’s [also] the role reversal for couples where the penetrator becomes the penetratee and vice versa.” Hewitt explains.  For the pegger, you go from kind of wondering exactly how to peg and how to thrust, to learning alongside your partner, which can be super hot. “It can be very exciting to learn new ways to move and explore your body sexually,” she adds.

To help further explain the ins and outs of how to peg, we tapped the experts for their best advice. Read on for more on exactly how to peg someone.

What is pegging?

“Pegging is when one partner uses a strap-on dildo to perform anal sex on another partner,” says licensed marriage and family therapist Michelle Herzog LMFT, CST. “Traditionally, it refers to when a woman penetrates a man. But, really, it can be enjoyed by anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation — it’s for anyone who wants to explore and spice things up,” she adds.

Where does the term pegging come from?

Originally, “the term refers specifically to a sexual practice in which a woman performs anal sex on a man, using a strap-on dildo,” says Megwyn White, sexual-wellness expert and director of education at sex-toy brand Satisfyer. The term was born in 2001 as a result of columnist Dan Savage’s contest for coining a term to describe strap-on play between a woman and a man, because at the time, it was somehow a dictionary blank space.

But as pegging has continued to make its way into the popular consciousness, queer and non-binary folks have started using the term, as well. “It’s become a more fluid term as gender boundaries have become less rigid,” says Stuart Nugent, brand manager at LELO. Hewitt agrees, adding that “it’s now evolved to be more inclusive…and most people use it to describe any form of penetrative sex with a strap-on dildo.”

Why some people enjoy pegging

1. It feels good for the pegee

For men, pegging targets the prostate gland (essentially the male G-spot), and many describe the resulting sensation as a full-body orgasm, says Alicia Sinclair, sex educator and CEO of anal-sex toy company b-Vibe. “It’s usually different from other orgasms. It’s full-force.”

2. It may be empowering and physically stimulating for the pegger

Meanwhile, the pegger may find the act to be empowering as well as physically stimulating , Sinclair says. “There’s also strap-ons that stimulate the clitoris by a built-in vibrator,” says licensed sexologist and relationship therapist Sofie Roos, sexual health expert at Passionerad.se.

Roos also recommends buying an internal vibrator for the pegger to wear, such as a Lush from Lovense, which can be controlled by her partner while being pegged.

3. It can allow for deeper emotional intimacy

Many experts agree, pegging may boost the health of your relationship on another level: “You will often find that after you explore pegging, there is a deepening of trust as [your partner] opens up to being even more vulnerable with you,” White says. Cheers to that.

You know how when you first start something new it’s terrifying until you do it? It’s just like that with pegging. You go from wondering exactly how to peg your partner, to enjoying the experience together, and then you come out on the other side, both with a new skill set and set of experiences you’ve shared together.

Equipment needed for pegging

As far as equipment needed for how to peg, you may need to hit up a sex toy store or at least, Amazon before you can dive into pegging sex. If you can, though, Sinclair recommends going to a sex toy shop. “The experts at sex shops are used to talking with folks about pegging, and they’ll be able to point you toward the best toys for beginners,” Sinclair says. Here’s what to put on your list for how to peg someone.

1. A dildo

White says to look for a dildo that’s 5.5 inches in length, and about 1.25 inches in diameter. (Note: bigger is not better!) Other features to prioritize: body-safe silicone, a phthalate-free label, and something smooth in texture. (There are a lot of textured dildos, which you and your partner may eventually work up to, but Sinclair says smooth allows for a simpler starting point.) Also, “avoid dildos that have bulbous heads,” says White. “The narrower the tip, the easier the entry.”

Hewitt recommends staying away from dildos made of rubber, PVC, TPE, or TPR for anal play “as they can’t be sterilized meaning they can harbor bacteria and cause infections if you use the dildo again” she notes.

2. A harness

For your starter harness, Sinclair recommends an adjustable model (like this one from Spareparts) because it can help you feel more in control. That said, the first priority is finding one that makes you feel sexy, so if an underwear-style harness, like offerings from Rodeoh, is your preference, go with that. And depending on the store you visit, you might be able to try on different options.

This is also an area where you may want to spring for quality, if you can. Why? “You don’t want the dildo to slip around because of a bad fitting harness,” says Roos “That can be very unpleasant and even dangerous,” she adds.

Once you get the strap-on, practice wearing it around the house, just like you might break in a new pair of heels. Get used to the weight of the toy, and maybe even practice thrusting, since Sinclair notes the movement can be unfamiliar to many women.

3. Lube

If you’re using a silicone dildo, as suggested, make sure the lubricant is water-based, since silicone lubes can break down silicone toys over time. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so lube is just as important here as the actual dildo and harness.

4. Optional: an anal dilator

If you want to make foreplay even easier, it may help to invest in an anal dilator as well. These help you stretch the anus muscles, making it easier and therefore more pleasurable to have pegging or anal sex.

Tips for communication during pegging

As with all sex things, consent and communication are key. “Pegging requires communication before, during, and after,” says Hewitt. “In the lead-up you need to discuss exactly how it will go including the tools, toys, and positions to ensure you are both on the same page and happy to go ahead,” she adds.

“As you do it more, and get a feel for it, you can be more spontaneous, but for now, it’s good to outline exactly what is going to happen so there are no surprises,” when it comes to specifics, Hewitt adds.

And keep the communication flowing the entire time. Hewitt explains that doing so is especially important if you’re in a doggy-style position where you can’t see each other’s faces. Hewitt recommends that the person being penetrated direct their partner and their partner should give a heads-up when they are about to insert the dildo or change position slightly.

If you need to take a break, know that is perfectly fine. “Not every day is an anal day and that’s okay!” says Hewitt, noting that you can always try again another day, adjust position, adjust toy size, and more.

How to peg

While pegging sounds simple in theory — we get it. There can still be a lot of questions. For that, we asked the experts to share their most specific tips on how to peg someone.

1. Talk about it first—in-depth

And by in-depth, we mean in-depth. If you want to peg your partner, or they want to be pegged by you, SparkNotes-esque chats about it just won’t do. “Have a real conversation about what you’re hoping to experience,” says Sinclair. For instance, if your partner wants to try it to play with submission and dominance, the act may play out differently than if they just liked recent butt-centric action and wanted to explore the sensation further.

Maybe even incorporate pegging into your sexting or dirty talk so that you can fantasize about the act together. “What positions do you want to try? Do research together to figure it out if you don’t know,” suggests Sinclair. Being able to really talk about pegging is a good sign that you’re on your way to being ready to try it IRL.

2. Go shopping

Take the list you’ve got from above and make a date of getting your equipment, as Herzog recommends. Whether you’re going to a physical sex toy store (which is ideal given our experts’ advice) or just buying online, make a date of browsing, looking at the different models of dildos, harnesses, and lubes, and talking about what you’re both into.

3. Prep accordingly

Hewitt adds that for the pegee, it might make sense to watch what they eat and drink in the lead up to The Big Peg. “If you know that your stomach is sensitive to particular foods, avoid them and ensure you get enough fiber in your diet,” she adds.

They can also take a shower beforehand to make sure everyone is nice and fresh and confident as well, Hewitt adds. Also, cut and file your nails ahead of time if you plan on engaging in anal fingering, Hewitt says. This is one area you do not want to get a cut.

4. Set the mood

“When the time comes, keep things relaxed,” says Herzog. “Have your favorite music in the background, dim the lights— whatever makes you both comfortable,” she adds.

5. Take things slow, then even slower

“You can’t go from zero to dildo,” says Sinclair. Start with a finger (and then two fingers) or a butt plug. If you go the finger route, White suggests experimenting with a few different types of strokes: in and out, circles, side to side. She says that if you can feel tissues softening, it’s a good sign that the nervous system is relaxing, which means your partner may be ready for you to go deeper and apply more pressure.

Adam Lewis, co-founder of sex-toy company Hot Octopuss, suggests also trying to locate the prostate, by curling your finger when you’re an inch or two in, which can make finding it later on with a dildo easier.

6. Use lube, lots of lube

Again, this is non-negotiable, since the anus is not self-lubricating—and now’s not the time to worry about getting messy. Mess > anal pain.

7. Assume the position

The “right” position to start will vary couple to couple, but Nugent suggests that from behind is be a great point of origin, since it “gives both partners some effective control.” Missionary is also a good choice, since it works by having the peggee lie on their back and draw in their knees toward their chest. This allows for kissing and eye-contact (hello, intimacy). A spooning position works as well, with both people lying on their side, facing the same direction. Adding a sex pillow under the peggee’s hips may also be helpful here for finding the right angle.

“When it’s time for insertion, the person being penetrated should stimulate their genitals to encourage pleasure and relax the whole body including the tight sphincter muscles,” Hewitt says. Doing so will make penetration a lot easier, she notes.

And just a reminder: Being the pegger doesn’t mean always being the one in control. “It can be incredibly sexy to peg someone in cowgirl/reverse-cowgirl position, where they lower themselves down onto your strap-on so they can control the angle and speed of penetration,” Lewis says.

8. Get into it

“Allow yourself to be turned on, and if sounds want to emerge, allow them to. This will help your partner feel more comfortable with something that might have felt scary,” says White. Basically, pleasure is contagious—so lean in.

Hewitt notes that her number one tip for pegging is “have the person being penetrated move onto the dildo to start with rather than being thrust into.” Doing so means “they can control the speed and depth of the thrusts while they get used to it.”

9. Take care—literally—with the cleanup

Once you’re done, slide out slowly while communicating with your partner what you’re doing. “If you use the right amount of lube, it will probably slide right out. But you can also add more,” says Sinclair. “Once it’s out, practice after-care. Get a warm washcloth. Maybe wrap the dildo in a towel and put it off to the side. Check in with how your partner is feeling.”

And, okay, okay, about the poop: There’s certainly a chance you’ll see some, but the right prep can help. “In general, if he empties his bowels ahead of time, and you go slowly and prepare him with tools like plugs, or small vibrators, or a finger, there is less likelihood that you’ll have any accidents,” says White. To this point, she suggests dressing the bed accordingly (as in, maybe stow away those new white sheets) and having wipes on hand.

10. Spice things up

Tried? Liked it? Great, now spice things up with different or additional accessories. “Just remember the golden rule of pegging: communicate, communicate, communicate,” says Lewis.

Risks with pegging

“As with any kind of internal anal play, there is a chance of pain,” says Hewitt. “This is usually caused by inadequate lubrication causing tears or anal fissures in the delicate anal tissues. Or, not enough warming up of the body before penetration resulting in tight muscles.” she adds. Therefore, your best bet is to use lots of lubricant and foreplay.

“If something hurts, stop.” says Hewitt. “This is supposed to be fun, not painful,” she says, adding that “regular check-ins can help make sure that everyone is still enjoying the experience.”