In today’s app-centric dating world, modern-day fairy tales are more likely to start with a right swipe and match, than they are with locked eyes across the subway car or a meet-cute in the fiction aisle at your favorite bookstore. Dating apps are currently being used by more than 60 million people looking for love, lust, or something in between (looking at you: short-term serious relationship). Open one of these apps, set up your online dating profile, and you’ll immediately come face-to-face-to-face with a seemingly endless stream of potential future partners. The key to making your profile stand amongst the sea of swipers as well as finding actual potential suitors? Writing the perfect online dating profile and bio.

Writing an online dating profile can help you cut through the noise and attract the matches you want, says relationship and confidence coach expert Sabrina Bendory, dating expert at Dating.com and DateMyAge as well as author of You’re Overthinking It. “Posting a unique dating profile will give other people a glimpse of your interests, passions, and the qualities that define you so that they get a sense of who you actually are,” she says. Meanwhile, throwing up two-word, trite prompt responses, and lackluster one-liners won’t bring you any closer to finding love. Not to mention, it’ll lead to low-quality matches that leave you wondering why you bothered in the first place.

To help put together a rocking online dating profile, we put together this guide replete with tips from leading dating and relationship experts.

What makes a great dating profile?

“There is a huge difference between a bad profile and a good one, and an even bigger difference between a great one,” according to relationship coach Logan Ury, the director of relationship science at Hinge and author of How Not to Die Alone. Great dating profiles, at their most distilled, are those that are accurate, engaging, and well, very you, she says.

Being honest maximizes your potential for finding a suitable partner. “If you showcase a life that isn’t really yours, you’ll match with people who are into that; meanwhile, if you tell the story of who you actually are, you’ll know people are interested in you,” says Ury. It also helps ensure that you’re starting your relationship off on the right foot. As Jessie Urvater, founder of the newly-launched membership-based, sober-centric dating app, Club Pillar puts it, “You’ll never build a meaningful relationship based on a foundation of misinformation.”

“You’ll never build a meaningful relationship based on a foundation of misinformation.” —Jessie Urvater, founder of the membership-based, sober-centric dating app, Club Pillar

The thing is, how you present that information matters, too. Listing straight facts about yourself isn’t going to be very engaging, nor let your personality shine—unless of course, you’re a by-the-books, no-messing-around, straight-to-the-facts kind of person IRL. Instead, you’ll want to tell a bit of a story with the information you give. “Someone should be able to visualize your life or your life together when they read your dating profile,” says Ury. “You want to tell a story.”

Oh, and a great dating profile will also include clear photos that reflect how you naturally look and the kinds of experiences you enjoy, says Susan Trombetti, celebrity matchmaker, relationship expert, and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. But don’t worry we’ll do a deep dive on photo choice alone below.

17 tips for making a dating profile that’ll get you off the dating apps

1. First, research the different dating app options

These days dating apps for pretty much everyone’s preference and dating style, and each has unique features. Want to get hot-and-heavy with a person who spends their day among hay bales? Check out Farmers Only. Looking for someone with a sense of humor? Download Clown Dating. Specifically, looking to connect with other non-monogamous or kinky folks? Consider Feeld, #Open, or 3Fun. Over 50+? Check out these apps made with silver foxes in mind.

Downloading a dating app made with your specific wants, needs, desires, and hobbies in mind, will increase the chances of you meeting like-minded lovers.

2. Make it app-specific

In the event that you wind up downloading multiple dating apps, Adelle Kelleher, certified matchmaker and founder of Coaching Hearts Consulting, says it’s essential to tailor your for each specific app and audience. Hinge offers lots of written prompts, so it’s important to include several flushed-out answers to those on your profile, for example. Meanwhile, Tinder is mostly a visual medium so you’ll want to have plenty of great pictures to share, she says. Feeld has a “desire” function that allows you to search for people with similar kinks, relationship styles, and sexual proclivities to you.

3. Nix the negativity

Rather than using your precious bio space to tell potential matches what you’re not looking for, share what tickles your fancy, suggests certified matchmaker and law of attraction coach, Shaneeka McCray, founder of the HelpMeet Club, a dating service for professional singles. Airing out your dating frustrations and sharing what you don’t want from a partner can make you seem overly negative and can be a turn-off to others, she says. Writing “Swipe left if you like to wake up early and hate cooking at home” isn’t going to do much to target the kind of matches you are seeking out—it’s just going to make you seem like a curmudgeon (don’t hate the messenger!). A re-frame with a similar sentiment would be, “Swipe right if you like to sleep in and prepare a great brunch on the weekends.”

4. Beef it up

“People don’t like one-word responses,” says Ury. Think about it: How can someone trust that you’re going to put effort into them if you can’t be bothered to type more than a word or two, she says. Now, that doesn’t mean that you need to reread Shakespeare’s entire body of work or get an MFA in creative writing before writing a dating bio. Instead, if you’re not sure what additional verbiage to add in, Ury suggests posing a question you actually want the answer to. Craving Thai food and want input on which local spot is best? Looking for a new mystery podcast to binge? Growing your TBR pile? These questions may seem simple, but they actually work over time telling potential matches what you care about, while also inciting them into a conversation with you, says Ury.

5. But don’t get too wordy

Sure, some people might be looking for someone to read aloud to them before bed, or to spend winter mornings cozied up by the fire with their individual book. But nobody is going to read a novel before deciding which direction to swipe—they will just swipe left, says Ury. At best, a book-length bio will be perceived as a waste of time, she says. But at worst, it can actually give the impression that you have something to prove, says Bendory. There’s no magic word or paragraph count. But as a general rule, your bio should share a bit about you, a bit about what you’re looking for, and a bit about what life with you would look like, says Ury. Your past relationship sagas and employment history can wait for the second or tenth date.

6. Have a hook

“People may be nervous or struggle with how to reach out, so making sure your profile gives people an opportunity to ask you a question is really important,” says love doc and relationship expert Jess Carbino, PhD, the former sociologist of Tinder and Bumble. In other words, you want to be as easy to engage with as possible. To do this, include a few details about yourself that offer an easy “in” for conversation. Maybe you took a trip to Italy this summer and learned how to cook a delicious tagliatelle from someone’s Nonna, you could say something like, “Ask me about my secret to making the best pasta ever” as a direct invitation for others to reach out and engage on a topic you’d love to discuss.

7. Get specific

Because there are so many people on dating apps, you want to stand out. You’re not alone in your love of indoor cycling and traveling, for instance, so you should highlight the specifics surrounding any of the commonly beloved activities you mention, says Carbino. Maybe you go heart-eyes for the pop playlists at SoulCycle, or there’s a specific trainer you adore on Peloton. Maybe the city lights of Paris make your heart swell, or maybe traveling feeds your inner foodie. In any case, it’s better to veer towards the specific than the general in your prompt answers and tidbits.

8. Pick prompts wisely

Most apps require (or suggest) that you pick several writing prompts and answer them with details about yourself to create a good fating profile. Common prompts include, “Dating me is like…”, “Green flags I look for are… ”, “My perfect Sunday morning is… ”, “My most irrational fear is… ”, and “My perfect first date is… ” “It’s best to pick a collection of prompts that allows you to include info on who you are, share what you’re looking for, and give some insight as to what life would look like with you,” says Ury.

If you’re specifically looking for someone who likes to dine out at fancy restaurants, for example, perhaps you pick the prompt that allows you to describe your ideal first date at the hottest reservation in town. Or, if you’re trying to find someone who’s particularly independent and career-driven, you might choose the prompt that allows you to list these kinds of attributes as your key green flags.

9. Proofread your bio

Do yourself a favor and run your responses through an online spell-check or ask your journalist pal to scan your profile. Failure to catch those punctuation flubs and grammatical errors could really impact what response your profile gets, according to Ury. “People report that they are turned off by poor grammar and that they will ding you for misspellings,” she says.

10. Be honest

Go ahead and put your profile through a polygraph before posting. Lying on your profile about what you like and want because it kinda defeats the purpose of a dating app in the first place, says Ury. The goal is to find the best matches for you—not some fictionalized version of you. “If you hate partying, don’t say that you love to go out every weekend,” says Kelleher. Similarly, if you only go hiking once or twice a year, don’t slant everything in your bio so that it’s about your love of the outdoors, says Ury.

11. Post your preferred relationship structure

“Polyamorous or in an open relationship? That information should be easily accessible to the other users trying to determine if you could be a good fit,” says licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, host of The Wright Conversations podcast. Ditto goes if you are swinging, in a don’t ask don’t tell (DADT), or any other non-monogamous structure.

This will keep you from investing time and energy into people who you are, baseline, not compatible with, says Wright. “Starting with an omission makes for an unsteady foundation,” she says. Plus, it will likely increase your own stress and anxiety, says psychotherapist Kim Hertz LCSW-R with NY Therapy Practice in New York City. “If you have to keep the lie going or fear that the truth will come out, which inevitably it will, you won’t be able to show up with your best and authentic self,” she says.

To be clear: You don’t have to give your whole relational history. But a tag-line like the one below works well:

• Polyamorous but not polysatured!
• I’m non-monogamous and have a nesting partner. Ultimately, looking for an ongoing romance.
• Currently single ambi-amorous babe open to closed or open, long-term relationships

12. If you’re looking for a unicorn, say that!

On a similar note, if you and your partner are on the app together looking for a third—either for a night of sex or longer-term dynamic—Wright says it’s important to list that info in your dating profile. “It shouldn’t take multiple messages with you on the app for someone to learn that you have a partner and that the reason you’re on the app is to expand that relationship sexually or romantically,” she says. Why? Bluntly, it’s dishonest. Both what you’re seeking and your relationship structure should be clear from your photos and the text in your bio, she says.

13. Don’t hide if you have kids

No, you don’t have to post photos of your kids nor any identifying info about them, says Ury. But you’d be wise to signal that you’re a parent in your bio, she says. How? By toggling the “already have” option on apps like Hinge, or calling yourself a “father” or “mother” somewhere in your write-up

“Even if the person is OK with you having kids, for example, they won’t appreciate feeling deceived in the early days of your connection if you kept that you have kids hidden,” says relationship expert and coach Amber Brooks, Chief Editor at DatingNews and DatingAdvice. Yes, disclosing this information might mean that more people swipe left, she says. “But if they don’t want kids and you have them, you’re not compatible so it’s better for everyone that you not waste your time chatting,” she says. Remember: It’s not the number of matches that matters, it’s the quality.

14. Use humor

You want to make an impression and be memorable and if you are a comedian of your friend group, using humor on your profile is one way to do that. Whether Dad jokes, puns, or wit are humor brands of choice, Ury suggests that you lean in. “You want to attract people who have a similar sense of humor to you, so it’s OK if someone doesn’t get your joke,” she says. After all, it’d be quite the buzzkill to spend the rest of your life explaining your jokes to your partner. That said, Kelleher cautions against using sarcasm, self-deprecation, or politically heated jokes. Loss of potential matches aside, you don’t want to come off as rude, insensitive, or otherwise hurting someone’s feelings.

15. Be your own hype person

“People should represent themselves honestly, but that doesn’t mean unflatteringly,” says Ury. Unless you’re using it as joke fodder, you don’t need to let everyone who swipes past that you’re prone to over-committing, have ruined every white shirt you’ve ever owned, and somehow killed your most recent pet fish. “Highlight your strengths by sharing the parts of your life you’re proud of, or picking prompts that allow you to speak on your best qualities,” says Bendory.

16. Voice note, if you can

These days, many dating apps—like Hinge and Bumble, for example—allow you to leave a voice note. If you opt for an app where this is an option, Ury recommends it. “The voice checks really allow the people looking at your profile to feel like they have gotten to know you,” she says. Besides, a person who tells a knock-knock joke via audionote, or asks grandma to record a 30-second spiel about what makes her fave grandchild so great, is going to be memorable, she says.

17. Include the details

Many apps have places that allow you to share aspects of yourself beyond prompts and photos. This section typically includes checking boxes about certain preferences, like your plans related to children, your typical consumption of alcohol and drugs, whether you want a long-term or short-term relationship, and your religion and political affiliation. Sure, you might have been taught that it’s impolite to discuss topics like politics or religion on a first date, but Trombetti recommends leaving these quick hitters on your profile. This way, you won’t find yourself weeding through ill-fitting matches, she says.

How to write a dating profile bio

Stuck on how to go from reading this article to having a rocking dating bio? Start by sitting down and thinking about what you’re looking for, says Hertz. “You want to be specific and direct about why you’re on the apps,” she says. And you won’t be able to do that if you don’t actually know the answer. If you’re a written processor, spend some time in your Notes app or with your trusty journal. If you’re a verbal processor, book an extra session with your therapist, or call your best friend”.

Next, Trombetti recommends coming up with three pieces of information “that you think define the true you.” Are you the oldest child of six siblings? Did you grow up on a houseboat, which perhaps gave you a strong sense of adventure or independence? Do you plan your day around getting your macros and going to the gym? These are just examples to help you consider what the defining facets of your life may be outside of your job, and how you might distill these experiences into a couple of sentences that you include in your dating profile

“You want someone to know what you look like now—not what you looked like five, 10, or 15 years ago.” —Logan Ury, relationship coach, the director of relationship science at Hinge and author of How Not to Die Alone

You can also make a list of the kinds of traits and values you’re looking for in a partner, and consider what facets of your lived experience reflect similar qualities, suggests McCray. For example, let’s say you’re looking for someone spontaneous or adventurous; if you once took a solo camping trip on a whim, you might include that detail in a prompt answer or share a photo from the trip as a conversation starter, given that it shows off your own adventurous spirit. Finally, “make sure that there is some kind of hook,” says Ury. Posing a question you actually want the answer to will increase the odds that the messages you get go beyond “hey,” while also piquing your interest.

What’s a good intro for a dating site?

Most apps offer a space to include a short introduction or summary of yourself—filling this out is crucial, says Kelleher. It’s like a topline view of what you’re all about, she says. It’s your elevator pitch about yourself. “You shouldn’t rely on platitudes like ‘I love good food and having fun!’ which could apply to literally anyone’s ex,” says Bendory. Instead, you want to highlight the things that make you great. That’s why before crafting your opening line(s), she suggests brainstorming what really makes you, you. Once you’ve done that homework, you’re well-positioned to concisely give a glimpse of who you are.

Here are some examples, to get your juices flowing:

• “I’m a queer sex educator who spends her days tap-tap-tapping her keyboard and nights at my local CrossFit gym. When I’m not writing or weightlifting, you can find me hiking with my pup, reading my Kindle by the pool, or chatting with my pals.”
• “I am a wanna-be chef who spends my weeknights reading recipe books and weekends trying to score reservations at the best restaurants. I’m also a marathoner, Mom to a two-year-old, and map collector.”
• “Me: An experienced traveler who knows how to find the best underground restaurants and cheapest flight deals. You: A remote worker who will say Y-E-S to exploring the world with me.”

How to choose pictures for your dating profile

Sorry, but the last few photos in your camera roll won’t cut it. Your pictures should help tell the story of your life—while also making it obvious what the heck you look like.

1. Smile in your main profile photo

“Your first photo should be a clear, up-close photo of you with no filters or sunglasses,” says Ury. If you’re unsure whether to make your head-shot one of you smiling or one of you frowning into the distance, Carbino recommends the latter. The smile will allow you to come off as approachable and kind, which is essential in the context of dating, she says. After all, you want to seem accessible to strangers looking at your profile, and including a photo without a smile erases one key opportunity to do that. (Alternatively, to emphasize your brain rather than your beauty, you could give reverse catfishing a try.)

2. Be present

If you’re 30 years old and prepping for your 10-year high school reunion it’s high time you remove the pics of you from Prom. “It’s a good rule of thumb to stick with photos that are not older than two years old,” says Ury. “You want someone to know what you look like now—not what you looked like five, 10, or 15 years ago,” she says. Choosing recent photos helps keep your profile honest, while also giving you the peace of mind of knowing they find you as attractive as you are today.

If you don’t have any photos you feel great about, McCray says that means it’s time for a photoshoot. Put on an outfit you love or that reflects an element of your personality, and enlist a friend to capture some shots while you’re out and about; this could be a friend with a camera or just one with a smartphone. “I had a client who is athletic and that’s part of her personality, so in her photoshoot, she had on some athletic clothing,” says McCray, “and that really worked for her profile because it went with her storyline.”

3. Mix-it up

The purpose of photos on an app profile is to paint a picture of your image in full. That’s why Kelleher recommends picking a slew of photos that reflect different facets of your life in interest. What does this look like in practice? If you’re a pet lover, include a picture of you cuddling your dog. If you’re a triathlete, use one of you holding up your bike while wearing a wetsuit. If you’re a traveler, include pics from your most recent adventure. If you’re tight with the clan, opt for the selfie from the family gathering to demonstrate how close you are with your family. These are just a few examples, and what’s true to you might be completely different—who knows, maybe your thing is swimming with sharks skydiving, or taking pottery classes. The point is to ensure the mix of photos you include reflects different aspects of your core personality.

4. Stick to one group shot

Group photos are a good way to show that you like to hang out with friends, that you’re social, or that you enjoy certain group activities, but Ury says a single shot will get the point across. Whichever you choose, make sure you’re easily identifiable, says Kelleher. Nobody wants to play, “Where’s Waldo?” when looking at a dating profile, she says. You might try blurring others’ faces, making sure to pick photos that only include a couple of other people and where you’re prominent in the shot (and include them alongside solo shots), or even circling yourself in red, so it’s clear who you are.

If you post a picture of your ultimate frisbee team posing at a team dinner but you’re all the way in the back, someone might just keep scrolling because they can’t tell which person in the photo you are. Or worse, they might assume you’re a different person in the photo and be disappointed when they learn you’re someone else, says McCray.

5. Limit selfies

Carbino recommends cutting down on the selfie shots. While an up-close-and-personal picture can help people get a good look at your face, too many can give the appearance that you’re vain or self-absorbed. Not to mention, the selfie angle cuts out the opportunity for background details that can shed light on what you like to do and where you like to go.

Do people actually find love on dating apps?

Yes. It is possible to make authentic and meaningful connections with people you meet through a dating app, says Hertz. Need proof? Just spend a few minutes taking inventory of your own friend group, perusing the New York TimesVows section, or gosh-darn wedding websites! To increase your likelihood of going from bored-swiper to sunnily betrothed, Bendory recommends being intentional AF about who you do and not trying to link up with off the app.

“If someone is clearly not a match for you but you find them really attractive and decide to pursue them anyway, then you’re setting yourself up to fail,” she says. On the other side of the coin, if your chat with someone has you blushing at your phone like a high schooler, it’s important to make time in your busy schedule to meet up with them IRL, she says. And if you start to feel burnt out? Consider this your official permission to take a breather. “If you feel yourself going into first dates with a chip (fine, boulder) on your shoulder about the last C- date or rolling your eyes when a new match notification pops up, Ury says it’s A-OK to take a breather. Then, to return when you’re feeling less grumpy.

Final thoughts on dating profiles

Whether you’re a first-timer or seasoned swiper, newly divorced or a card-carrying member of the Single Ladies club, monogamous or polyamorous, online dating can help you find love—or lust, if that’s what you’re looking for. Crafting a dating profile that is honest, optimistic, engaging, free of grammatical errors and typos, and puts your pretty face on display, can help. With that, get drafting and swipe on!