When it comes to love, there’s no easy definition for it that really can do the feeling justice. That’s because the meaning of love will be different for all people, their relationships, and the different contexts in which these relationships exist. There’s romantic love (or the kind you might share with a romantic partner: full of physical attraction, affection, and a healthy dose of lust), and platonic love (or the kind you share among friends). And sometimes there’s romantic love that turns platonic, platonic love that turns romantic, and even love that straddles both lines! However, for those in the early stages of a relationship, it can be tricky to decipher what you’re feeling. What are the signs of love? What are the signs someone is in love with you? What are signs this love will last?

As a starting off point, it might help to think of love (whether it be romantic or platonic) as “an ongoing inter-relationship between people marked by an abiding mutual appreciation and commitment to share each other’s lives and support one another,” explains couples therapist Stephanie Manes, JD, LCSW. Love is “about an intention to do your best with this person, regardless of how hard that might be at times,” Manes says. “It’s a feeling that your life is better because this person is in it.” If that doesn’t make the coldest hearts feel warm, fuzzy, and hopeful inside, I don’t know what will.

“It’s a feeling that your life is better because this person is in it.” —Stephanie Manes, JD, LCSW, couples therapist

To help you decipher more signs of love (both physical and emotional), we reached out to a handful of the best relationship experts around for the scoop on exactly how to tell if someone is in love with you, how to tell if you’re in love with someone, the difference between romantic and platonic love, and much, much more.

What is love?

As Manes said above, put simply, “it’s about an intention to do your best with this person” even when things are not as easy as they could be. Sex and relationships expert Shan Boodram, expert for Bumble adds, that “love is a drive to stay bonded to someone that is hallmarked by a collection of enduring emotions and expectations.” Essentially, love is a word that encompasses both past history together as well as future promises and growth.

Signs you’re in romantic love

1. Consistent feelings

One of the more obvious signs of love is to look for non-situational feelings, Boodram explains. “Unlike feelings like happiness or sadness that can change based on a person’s environment or mindset, the feeling of love is consistent in a multitude of conditions over an extended period of time,” Boodram says. In other words, if you can feel love for someone even when they do something that highkey would otherwise annoy you (leaving dishes out, coming home without getting you that iced coffee they promised they’d get you, etc), that’s worth paying attention to.

2. Strategic ignorance

Boodram also suggests strategic ignorance, or “a commitment to not feeling certain things,” as potential signs of love, explaining that this definition thinks of love as “a conscious choice to overlook or ignore aspects of a partner or relationship that might otherwise cause negative emotions or doubts. It’s a form of selective attention where one chooses to focus on the positive aspects while minimizing or disregarding the negative,” Boodram adds. However, she also adds a caveat: “it’s a delicate balance, as too much ignorance can lead to neglect of real issues,” so keep that in mind.

3. You can physically feel the love

Another one of the classic signs of love is whether you’re physically drawn to them, as Manes suggests. Are you itching to sit as close as possible to them? Do you find yourself fighting the urge to touch their arm when you talk at dinner? Does your brain feel at peace when you’re snuggling up next to them?

Boodram agrees that romantic love is something you can feel in your body, adding that chemicals like dopamine and serotonin and norepinephrine can actually physically and mentally make you feel the love, so to speak.

“Love is not just a cerebral or abstract concept, but it’s closely tied to our physical bodies, our physiology, and the way we experience the world through our senses and interactions,” she adds.

Signs you’re in platonic love

1. Neither of you feel romantic tension or attraction

“When you’re in platonic love, there’s a distinct lack of romantic tension or flirtation between you,” says Boodram. In this situation, you might see someone you’re in platonic love with “as a close friend and companion, without feeling any physical or emotional longing for a romantic relationship,” she adds.

Manes also explains that platonic love is different from romantic love in that there’s a lack of romantic attraction and excitement between partners. Whereas romantic love will have you excited by a person and wondering about what they do, what they think about in their spare time, and what interests them, in platonic love you may not have this curiosity or excitement.

2. You’re both able to be supportive without being jealous

In a platonic relationship, you’d be able to “genuinely celebrate each other’s successes and support each other through challenges without any hint of jealousy or possessiveness,” Boodram explains. While jealousy isn’t necessary in a romantic relationship, the presence of it can certainly help delineate whether you may have more romantic vs platonic feelings for someone.

3. You both have open communication

Another sign of a platonic bond, Boodram explains, is open communication: “You can openly discuss your personal lives, relationships, and even potential romantic interests with each other without feeling uncomfortable or secretive,” she adds.

Is romantic or platonic love better? What’s the difference?

For many people (but not all), Manes explains that romantic love includes sexual attraction and “takes you into a territory you don’t share with friends.” Boodram adds that for romantic love, there’s often a spark of butterflies, physical affection (such as the desire to hold hands, and cuddle — at an intensity beyond that of platonic love), and there’s also an element of planning for the future together, such as moving in, getting married, or starting a family.

As for which is better: there’s no right or wrong answer. “Our culture places a huge premium on romantic love. We are collectively obsessed with it,” Manes says. However, she also adds that despite the cultural and social obsession with romantic love, “I’ve heard many people say that platonic friendship is more valuable than romantic love because it’s more stable and enduring. Lovers may come and go but friends stick around.”

Boodram also says that “all brands of love add value to your life in different ways, [and] in the end, it’s not about which is better, it’s about appreciating the different kinds of love you have in your life.” Sometimes this even includes falling out of love with someone romantically and staying close to them platonically—all kinds of love are useful and both platonic and romantic love have reasons for being important in people’s lives.

How to tell if you’re in love?

Give it time, Boodram suggests. As in, “[give it] enough time for the relationship to start being inconvenient, for that person to start becoming annoying, to meet members of their circle that aren’t your fave, and for their plants to not just conflict but encroach on your own,” she says. If, (and big if), you still feel that way about them at the end of the inconvenience: you might have love on your hands.

What to do if you think you’re in love?

If you think you’re in love, the best thing you can do is “give yourself some space to process these emotions,” Boodram says. Love is super exciting, but it can also be really confusing and even cause anxiety for some people, so checking in with a close friend or loved one, or journaling about your current feelings can be a great help that lets you sort through your feelings, she adds.

You’ll also want to keep an eye on your own goals, hobbies, and other friendships as well. “Love doesn’t always follow a clear path,” Boodram explains, adding that “as you’re figuring things out, the best thing to do is take things one step at a time and keep living your life as usual — maintain your hobbies, spend time with friends, and focus on your own goals.” Having a healthy life independent of your relationship allows you to be the best partner you can be.

Can you really sense when someone is in love with you?

The short answer? Yes. It is absolutely possible to get a sense of whether someone is in love with you based on physical and non-physical signs. “Usually, we sense this through their micro-expressions or behaviors,” says relationship expert Parisa Bady. “However, sometimes it’s just a feeling, maybe a warm feeling of openness and safety.” After all, “our subconscious has a tendency to pick up on things that we may not even consciously realize,” she adds.

8 body language signs someone is in love with you

1. Proximity

If someone is in love, they’ll close the physical gap between you as often as they can. According to Fraley, you’ll want to consider the following four questions to sense whether that’s happening:

• Do they make an effort to get closer to me while standing?
• Do they inch closer to me while seated?
• Do they place objects, like their drink or phone, in my physical space?
• Do they lean in when talking, or put their body (including arms and legs) near my physical body?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, it’s clear this person has a desire to be physically close. To be a love signal, this proximity should feel comfortable and easy, not necessarily charged, says clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD. “When someone is falling in love, they’ll often lean toward their partner in a way that feels different from being sexually interested,” she says. “It’s a leaning-in that says, ‘I enjoy you; I want to be closer to you.’”

2. Touch

Think about it: You likely touch people for whom you have feelings of affection more often than you do those for whom you feel nothing—whether you’re kissing a partner, hugging your mom, or patting a friend on the back or shoulder.

To assess whether someone is in love with you, watch for the potentially unnecessary use of touch because that’s a key physical sign. “Do they brush up against you, or touch your arm or hand when talking?” Fraley says. “If your partner is craving your physical touch, that is another indication that they may be in love.”

3. Attention

Attentiveness is a huge physical sign that someone is falling in love; if it’s clear that they’re hanging on your every word, for example, they’re enthralled, and it could very well be love. “Love often brings with it tunnel vision,” Fraley explains. So if it seems like your partner is able to focus exclusively on you and not get overly distracted by other stimuli, that’s a good sign.

4. Eye contact

“Eye contact is an intimate and vulnerable act and can be very meaningful,” Fraley says. “Deep eye contact, or holding your gaze for at least four seconds, may indicate feelings of love.” Bonus points if they smile in your presence, too. “When we’re in love, we almost cannot help but smile around our love interest,” explains Bady

However, while it’s important to note that someone going out of their way to hold eye contact with you is a sign of affection, Dr. Manly cautions that a lack of eye contact isn’t necessarily a sign someone doesn’t desire you. They could have attachment wounds, trauma, or just cultural practices from their upbringing that make eye contact particularly tough for them—so, don’t take a lack of eye contact as disinterest, particularly if other signs of love are present.

5. Openness

“A person that is in love with you is [emotionally] open to you, and that’ll be reflected in their body language,” Bady says. “Their body will be facing you, especially their hips, knees, and feet, and they may lean in closer, too.”

By contrast, being physically closed-off or turning away from you while sitting or standing can indicate the opposite. “Crossed arms often indicate that someone is closed off to feeling loved or giving love,” says Dr. Manly. “When someone is ready to love and be loved, they’ll be open in their heart space instead.”

Bady adds that openness in a person’s extremities is also a good sign of love. “Our bodies often reveal our deepest feelings, despite our efforts to hide them,” she says. “As such, we tend to carry emotions in our hands and feet. When someone has their palms up while interacting with you, this is a clear indication that they are emotionally open and receptive to you.”

6. Protective gestures

Dr. Manly says it’s common for a person in love to feel highly protective of the person they care for. Physically, this may take the form of gestures that involve protection or help. “When we love someone, we care about their safety,” says Dr. Manly. “A person who is falling in love will often take great care to protect [the person they love], whether it’s by opening doors for them, walking street-side, or putting an arm out in front of them at a crosswalk.”

If your partner seems to be extending an extra hand without thinking twice, they might be falling in love. And if their actions make you feel cared for, you’re likely in the clear to take the leap and say those three words without fear of being left hanging.

7. Relaxed demeanor and breath

When someone is in love with you, they won’t just feel (and look) open and receptive; they’ll likely also feel relaxed and at ease around you.

What does this look like? Think of the opposite of how someone might carry themselves when they’re stressed or trying to shield or protect themselves. “A loving posture includes gentle shoulders, relaxed neck, and relaxed mouth,” says Dr. Manly. A person who loves you may also have a steady, calm, and relaxed breath because they don’t feel stressed or uncomfortable in your presence, she adds.

8. Mirroring

Notice whether your partner tends to adopt a similar posture to yours while seated and often walks at a similar pace. Bady says people tend to mirror the mannerisms of the people they love. Do you find that your partner adjusts their pace to match yours? They could very well be in love with you.

What happens physically when you fall in love?

Though falling in love is certainly a psychological process, it also has key physical components. “Being in love triggers neurotransmitters such as dopamine and oxytocin to be released in our brains, signaling responses in the body regions associated with pleasure and reward,” says Bady, “and that can generate feelings of euphoria, increased sexual desire, and a spike in energy.”

Coupled with these responses come all the physical signs of love above. To recognize if you’re falling in love with someone, Bady recommends paying attention to your own body language when you’re around the person. If you smile a lot around them, mirror their body language, and turn your body toward them, those are all signs that you’re falling in love, she says.

Can you see love in someone’s eyes?

While the eyes can certainly convey elements of love, they’re not a portal to love alone. “You can often tell someone desires you with their eyes, and you can tell that they’re feeling affectionate and fond of or interested in you, but I would say you can’t tell true love through the eyes because love is so much deeper than only the eyes can show us,” says Dr. Manly. Also, there are a plethora of different gestures that can indicate love, and the eyes play just a singular role.

FAQs

1. Am I in love or just infatuated?

According to Dr. Manly, there’s one key difference here: Love doesn’t happen instantly while infatuation can.

Love is a combination of romantic and sexual desire, typically with a foundation of friendship. To love someone requires really knowing them, and that only happens once you’ve spent enough time with them to see their true nature. “True romantic love builds over time, and it’s built on a base of friendship that generally gets stronger and stronger,” says Dr. Manly.

Compared to love, infatuation is “about the high of getting to know someone,” says Dr. Manly, before you have all the information necessary to actually form that deeper connection. She says it can be especially common in the first six months or year of dating because at this point, people are still feeling each other out, and they haven’t necessarily bared themselves fully. It’s also why limerence vs love can be so brain-melting when you’re in the early stages of infatuation.

This lack of information can cause someone to fill in the gaps with whatever they want, which can feed infatuation until something happens to break the spell. “We often become infatuated with someone when the masks have not been taken off yet,” says Dr. Manly. So, if you’ve recently started dating someone, and you’re wondering how soon is too soon to say, “I love you,” it might be worth taking a beat; the passion of infatuation can fade once you get to know someone… or it could deepen into love. But giving yourself enough time (aka, at least a couple months) is essential to seeing how things unfold.

2. How soon can you truly love someone?

To truly love someone requires being in a relationship with them through at least a few highs and lows to see if your love can withstand the honeymoon period of infatuation. With this in mind, it will probably take at least a few months to know if you’re truly in love with someone. Being in love and loving someone in a healthy way takes time: don’t be afraid to wait things out and see how you really feel in a month or three.

3. How do you know you’ve found the one?

Likewise, you’ll need at least a few months to suss out if you’ve found someone you really love and who loves you back. This might take months, or it might take years. There’s no quick answer to this — just like there’s no easy, quick answer to finding out your compatibility long-term with a partner. You’ll just have to wait, live, and see!

4. How do you know when someone loves you?

Real love takes months to establish, and can be shown through consistency through the relationship, commitment, and ongoing respect. As Boodram also notes about the difference between true love vs. infatuation: “time will clarify this, and that is why going slow may be the best option for all parties involved.”

Manes also adds that they’ll show consistent signs of wanting to be in your company, be curious and interested about you, seem happy when you walk into a room, express how much you mean to them, and start thinking and planning about the life you’ll share years down the road.

5. How do you know if someone loves you secretly?

While outright communication and consistent acts of love are the best answer to whether or not someone loves you, when in the beginning stages of love, it may help to look for physical signs someone loves you. Some common body language signs of these may include closer proximity, attentiveness, increased touch and eye contact, emotional availability, protective gestures, relaxed demeanor, and mirroring, as our experts noted above.

As Boodram also notes, you can always be direct as well. You can try asking, “I’ve noticed that things feel different between us. Has the way you see me changed?” for more clarity.