How To Have Pleasurable Sex When Your Partner Has a Penis on the Smaller Side

Indeed, a smaller penis, in and of itself, is no more an indicator that intercourse will be bad than a big penis is an indicator it will be good. In fact, “what matters is how a lover uses the penis they’ve got,” says sex educator Searah Deysach, owner of pleasure-product company Early to Bed.

“What matters is how a lover uses the penis they’ve got.” —Searah Deysach, sex educator

After all, there is no objective measure for what is considered a small dick (or a large dick), anyway. According to a review of 21 studies published in 2021, the average erect penis is around 5.1 inches in length¹, but may be even smaller, given the likelihood of embellishment in self-reporting. In fact, a 2019 study found that the majority of penis-owners overestimate their own size²… by a lot. The researchers posited that some penis-owners may feel a need to overstate their measurements because of the popular, yet biologically incorrect correlation between penis size and masculinity, sexual prowess, and bedroom competency.

The result is a vicious cycle: The more that people overstate the size of their penises, the more it reinforces the notion that a larger penis is both normal and more preferable in bed… which will just encourage people with penises to continue to round up. The only way to break the cycle? Normalizing the fact that a small penis can be both perfectly normal and perfectly satisfying when it comes to sexual penetration.

Understanding the role of penis size in sexual pleasure 

Penis size can certainly affect the way sex feels, but there is no universal “best” length (or girth, for that matter). For vaginal penetration, some folks prefer greater length, while others prefer greater girth (which appeals to cervical and A-spot stimulation). And some pleasure-seekers go for the fullness that only an all-around bigger penetrative tool can provide.

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But at the same time, some vagina-owners also prefer a small penis, given that it can better stimulate the erogenous zones located in the front half of the vaginal canal, like the G-zone. And others may find that a smaller penis allows for more comfortable and pleasurable anal play, given that it’s capable of only shallow penetration. And then there’s also the fact that a smaller penis is less likely to activate a gag reflex during oral play.

All of this is to say: A penis of any size can be a tool for pleasure, so long as you take its size—and your anatomy—into account when having sex (more on this below).

“The key is to focus less on your partner’s penis size and more on how you can experience shared pleasure,” says sex and relationship educator Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD (who goes by Dr. Tara), professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton and host of the Luvbites by Dr. Tara podcast.

The best sex positions to try if your partner has a small penis

If you particularly enjoy depth of penetration during p-in-v sex and your partner has a penis on the small side, choosing one of the sex positions that’s optimal for a small penis can help make the most of their length.

Rider-on-top

“Any p-in-v position that allows you to get very close to your partner will help you maximize how deep inside you they are,” says Deysach. “Rider-on-top is an excellent choice for that, as is doggy style.”

Prone position

In this position, the vagina-having partner lies face down on their stomach while the penis-having partner enters from behind, gently propping their legs on their partner’s thighs; think of it a bit like a lying down wheelbarrow. “This position can feel a bit hard to get into, but when you do it, the penetration can feel tighter because the legs aren’t spread out,” says Dr. Tara.

Lifted missionary

Several variations of missionary can be especially good for small penis sex, given the options for deeper penetration. For starters, try missionary with your legs up and on the driver’s shoulders.

Or, if you have a sex pillow, try a full-fledged lifted missionary by placing the pillow under your hips. “With lifted missionary, the penis penetrates deeper and potentially massages the G-spot,” says Dr. Tara. She adds that you can also try slipping a sex pillow beneath you in just about any position where you’re lying on your back or stomach to create that deeper angle for penetration when you’re working with a small penis.

5 tips for how to have more pleasurable sex with someone who has a small penis 

1. Let go of the idea that bigger is better

If you expect the sex to be bad, it’s likely going to be bad. So, if you find yourself wishing that your partner was longer, fuller, or wider before you have sex, Deysach recommends consciously pausing that thought pattern and swapping it with a sentiment of gratitude for what your partner (and their penis) does provide.

For example, you might think, “I love most everything about my partner,” or “My partner’s penis has the power to give me children,” or “The intimacy I feel when my partner’s penis is inside me is unparalleled.”

To be clear: Shifting your mindset around your partner’s package is not the same as lying to yourself through the lens of toxic positivity. If you prefer penetration that offers a different sensation than what your partner's anatomy provides, that's okay—and it's possible to achieve through other means (see below). This mental shift is simply about teasing out as much pleasure from your partner as is possible for you during penetrative play.

2. Do more hand stuff

The idea that a penis is the only body part that can penetrate is incorrect. “Hand sex is a truly sensual experience that can satisfy people who really enjoy deep penetration or penetration with something bigger than their partner’s penis,” says Deysach.

You might even try five-finger fingering. More commonly known as fisting, whole-hand fingering is a sex act that involves being filled by all the fingers on someone’s hand at once. “Fists are a wonderful way to experience penetration, outside of a penis, for someone seeking a sensual fullness,” says Deysach.

Despite what its name suggests, however, fisting doesn’t involve pushing a fist into the vaginal canal. Instead, it's a slow, intimate act that involves adding one finger at a time until all five—shaped into a position like a bird beak—can be accommodated at once.

As for how to get the body to accommodate that many fingers? Follow the same rules you would for anal sex: Lube, more lube, patience, and time, says Deysach. Having the giver wear a latex glove can make the process more pleasurable, too. This way, you avoid the issue of any hangnails or calluses that could snag the delicate internal tissues of the vagina.

Alternatively, you might ask your partner if they want to watch you masturbate with your hand, then invite them to touch you how you touched yourself.

3. Go for anal instead of p-in-v sex

“Anal sex can be a nice option to explore with a partner who has a smaller penis,” says Deysach. “For many, a bigger penis may be tough to accommodate with anal [given that the anus does not self-lubricate], so in this case, it may be an advantage that your partner is on the smaller side.”

No matter the size of the penis in question, though, it's best to start exploring anal with a toy (or finger) that is smaller than the penis to minimize pain during or after sex. Eventually, you can size up to anal intercourse. Just don't forget that lube (lots of lube) is essential for any anal sex because the anal canal is both non-lubricating and lined with delicate tissues that can tear if there is too much friction, Deysach adds.

4. Use a sex toy to add length (or girth)

There are also many different kinds of sex toys and pleasure products that can serve as accessories to a small penis. “If your partner has a smaller penis, and you are looking to make it feel bigger inside you, you might try a penis extender, which adds a bit more girth and length,” says Deysach. These are basically gloves for a penis that are usually textured on the inside, making them pleasurable for the wearer, too. “Look for phthalate- and latex-free options,” she adds, like the Lovehoney Mega Mighty Penis Extender ($35).

A cock ring—a ring worn at the base of the penis—can also help increase pleasure during sex with a small penis, according to Dr. Tara. “It makes the penis a little harder, so it can make it increase in size a bit, too,” she says. You can even try a vibrating cock ring like the Maude Band ($52) for extra stimulation for both parties.

“Your partner could also try strapping on a dildo above their penis,” says Deysach. For this, you’ll need both a harness like the Spareparts Deuce ($135) and a dildo. “Having a penis-owner strap on a dildo is also an excellent way to try double penetration,” she adds.

(The one toy you likely don’t want to try? Penis bumper toys, which are worn at the base of the penis; they’re typically used on people with large penises to make penetration shallower by shortening the length available to enter the vagina.)

5. Embrace oral sex

Oral sex doesn’t rely on any sort of penis size, and better yet, it can provide a ton of pleasure independent of any penetration. “The best spot for pleasure for [people with vulvas] is typically the clitoris, which can be stimulated by cunnilingus alone,” says Dr. Tara. Indeed, stimulating the clitoris is one of the fastest ways to orgasm for people with vulvas.

Just like with p-in-v or anal sex, there are also different oral sex positions you can try to maximize pleasure. For example, face sitting, or queening, involves the receiving partner straddling the giver’s face, which opens up easy access to the full vulva.

And when it comes to the actual oral-sex technique, you might especially benefit from the beloved kivin method (known to generate orgasms in as little as three minutes), which involves the giver providing oral from a position perpendicular to the receiver, so they’re essentially licking sideways.

Frequently Asked Questions About Small Penis Sex

Is it normal for a person to have a small dick?

Just like boobs, penises come in all shapes and sizes. What is considered a small dick is subjective—not a medical or clinical determination, says internist Hedieh Asadi, MD, co-founder of DeoDoc Intimate Skincare, “unlike a micropenis, which is an actual diagnosis involving a stretched penile length of 3.67 inches or less.”

Note that a measurement to diagnose someone with a micropenis doesn’t happen on an erect penis; instead, the metric for measuring is gently stretching the penis, holding it close to the body, and measuring it from the base to the tip. Micropenises are typically diagnosed early in life, adds Dr. Asadi, and it’s “a rare diagnosis that affects about 0.6 percent of people worldwide.”

You can certainly still have p-in-v sex with someone who has a micropenis, but if you appreciate length or girth during penetration, you may want to consider using a sex toy to extend your partner’s size or making more use of their hands and fingers, as noted above.

Can testosterone safely increase penis size?

There are some options available to increase penis size, says Dr. Asadi, such as hormones and surgical options like penis enlargement surgery. However, she cautions that anyone with a penis should only undertake these measures under the advisement of a doctor because there are risks with every procedure. “I always recommend talking to your doctor about any concerns as there are many tools and fillers available on the market, [but] they are not always safe,” she says.

Also, let’s get something else out of the way: The erectile dysfunction drug sildenafil, which is often sold under the brand name Viagra, will engorge a penis with blood so that it can more easily become and stay erect, but it will not do anything to enlarge a penis.