What’s the Difference Between a Spit Kink and Spit Play? Experts Break It Down

It’s almost impossible to have sex without saliva getting involved somewhere, someway: be it through kissing, oral sex, biting, sucking, or more. However, for some people, saliva and spit kinks have an even more important role in sex than for others — and may even be the main event. But there’s often confusion about the difference between a spit kink, a saliva kink, and what spit play or saliva play means.

“A spit kink is mostly about the action of spitting or being spitted on, something that is a great way to make one dominant and the other one submissive,” says Sofie Roos, licensed sexologist, couples therapist, and author at Passionerad.se. On the other hand, “a saliva kink is more about tongue kissing with very much saliva, or using lots of it instead of lube,” Roos explains.

“A spit kink is mostly about the action of spitting or being spitted on.” —Sofie Roos, licensed sexologist, couple’s therapist and author at Passionerad.se

In both kinks however, “saliva plays a key role,” Roos says. And it makes sense: saliva can add a slippery sensation to most forms of pleasure and it’s a bodily fluid so it’s always readily available. To help explain more about spit kinks, we asked the experts to further break down the difference between a spit kink and spit play, how to engage in spit play, and more.

What is spit play?

Spit play is the act of spitting on another person with erotic intent. At its core, it’s the transferring of liquid (often saliva) from one person’s mouth to another person—regardless of location. The act fits comfortably into foreplay when spitting on one’s hand to engage in hand sex or giving a particularly wet oral sex session. Spitting on genitalia to use as a lubricant (in conjunction with additional lubricant) can be highly erotic, as well.

“Whether it’s saliva, water, alcohol, or whatever liquid, spitting when done in a consensual and sensual manner can be incredibly arousing,” says Varuna Srinivasan, MBBS, MPH, FRSPH, sexual health specialist and founder of Tara Health Media. “[But] because spitting is associated with a lack of propriety and civility, and we live in a society that prioritizes purity, it can be seen as off-putting, when it’s quite the opposite.” This taboo is part of what makes a spit kink, well, kinky, since as Roos explains, “being spitted on is something nasty in many people’s eyes.”

What is a spit kink?

This kink lends itself to erotic ubiquity in that it can live across the sexual spectrum but is initially associated within the scope of BDSM with “D” referring to degradation play as a highlighted scene where spit play can live. Being spit on also has the potential to be used in dominant/submissive, sadist/masochistic arrangements, says sex educator Tara Jones: “It’s an ideal option for those turned on by humiliation but adverse to any type of pain or rough sex, and a level up in some ways from verbal degradation.” Think of spit kink as spit play, but kinkier. (Hint: Not sure what you’re into? Take a BDSM test to figure out what parts of kink are of interest to you.)

As far as the appeal, beyond the dom/sub aspect of it, Roos explains that “most people also like the wetness, the sound, the warmth from the spit, and that it gets a bit messy and that it actually leaves something on the body.” Seeing the actual visual of the spit dripping down the body can be especially appealing for those who are into this kink, Roos adds.

How to engage in spit play

1. Talk about it first

Before launching a sexy loogie at your partner, make sure all parties are aware and interested in said event and occasion. As with anything on how to introduce kink into a relationship, know that the conversation takes open communication and consent. Spitting on a person who is uninterested or unaware is not only a non-consenting act, but it has the potential to bring up negative emotions—or even trigger past unwanted experiences. It’s also pretty rude, given that the whole fun of a spit kink is leaning into the degradation and humiliation aspect of BDSM, so doing it without prior express permission is pretty much just being degrading for no reason.

And since spit play can incorporate so many possibilities, be sure to have a conversation about preferences that go beyond mere interest to engage. There’s room to discuss if you’re a spit bottom, spit top, or spit verse—and where on the body that spit is cleared to land. There are also plenty of forms of spit play to try: hard spit, sensual spit, drooling, in the mouth, not in the mouth, and beyond. “It can be placed anywhere the parties agree to,” sex educator and sex coach Linnea Marie says.

2. Spit safely

Keep in mind that certain STIs can be present in bodily fluids and can transmit to another partner via other bodily fluids. “Direct mouth-to-genital or genital-to-genital contact carries a higher risk of STI transmission,” says Jones. Research has also found that there’s a risk factor for transmitting gonorrhea via saliva¹. It’s also worth noting that as with all things saliva, spit play might also transmit a cold or virus between partners, as sex therapist Jackie Golob, founder of Shameless Therapy & Consulting Services, notes.

Furthermore, spit could upset the vaginal microbiome and lead to infection. “There’s a lot of bacteria in the mouth that can be transferred and irritate the pH balance of the vagina, so just be mindful of how clean the mouth is that the spit is coming from,” says Marie.

For these reasons, it’s important to have conversations with any sexual partner before engaging in any play about their STI status and to proceed according to your own risk tolerance.

3. Get spitting

“The most common way of having spit sex in the beginning is to spit between the legs when having sex, or to spit on [your partner’s butt] in doggystyle,” says Roos.

For a more intermediate approach, Roos also says that you can try spitting on the breasts in missionary, or spitting in each other’s face or in the hair if you both like. From there, you can also try experimenting by spitting into each other’s mouths, which Roos notes is considered hot for many people.

“Remember to try to change who’s spitting and who’s being spitted on, because many times people end up with the man spitting on the woman, while many men actually also fantasize about their partner spitting on them as well,” Roos says.

4. Stay hydrated

Not everyone is blessed with a saliva factory in their mouth nor do we all have the ability to evoke spit on command. If you’re looking for ways to sustain spit play, staying hydrated will keep the mucus membranes in the mouth working and more active.

5. Practice aftercare

Nurturing partners after play, aka aftercare after sex, builds closeness in the relationship and supports the post-orgasmic, post-arousal, and post-spit play body as it regulates the release of oxytocin, dopamine, and prolactin. This also helps to avoid the experience of postcoital dysphoria.

“Aftercare is a foundational component of any healthy and functional sexual dynamic,” says licensed psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist Jordan Soper, PsyD. “When it comes to spit play, begin by identifying what are your goals for spit play…. The best aftercare begins with solid pre-care by discussing needs and wants with your partner and effectively hearing their needs and wants on the subject matter.”

Where does all the spit come from?

While some people might just have a naturally high saliva production, Roos adds one other pro-tip for increasing your saliva production for spit play: getting a cannabis spray made for sex. Many of these take the THC out from the spray, Roos says, although if you want to be careful, it never hurts to check the ingredients or call up the company’s customer service number to ask. By spraying this on your tongue, Roos says you might be able to increase your saliva flow temporarily.

Is spit play safe?

Sex always carries an inherent risk, so be aware that spit play can in fact, put you at risk of certain STIs, as noted above. In addition to STIs, there’s also the possible risk of disrupting the vaginal microbiome, as Marie noted. “It’s generally safe, but many people don’t know that herpes can transmit through saliva, which is the biggest risk,” Roos notes.

Beyond STI and biome concerns, Roos notes that the biggest risk or downside of a spit kink or saliva kink would be “if the saliva makes the bed too wet to sleep in after, you get it in the eyes, or that the one spitting has bad breath.” However, most of these can be taken care of with a little planning (throw a towel down on the bed and brush your teeth beforehand) and care. Since the safety of spit play is at best a little uncomfortability getting to sleep and at worst the same STI and viral risk as other sex acts, this makes spit play one of the safer sex kinks out there, considering all kinks.

Can you be into spit play without the kink aspect?

Yes, spit can make its way into sex play without having a spit kink, having a spit fetish, interest in dominant-submissive dynamics, or desire for a degradation scene. For some, spit exchange is a form of intimacy and fluid bonding to increase closeness, trust, and connection, Dr. Soper. “There is no right or wrong way to experience eroticism associated with spit play,” she says. “It’s more a matter of identifying why you may enjoy it, how to communicate your needs to your partner, not shaming yourself or others for it, and safely engaging in the experiences.”

In fact, it is probable that something under the spit-play umbrella has made its way to your sex life already. “Spit play is widespread, yet I don’t think people know that they are actually engaging in it,” says Marie. If you’re curious to try or you want to be more intentional in your exploration of spit play, check out four steps below to guide your practice.