Why Am I So Sensitive? Here’s What the Experts Say

If you’ve ever wondered to yourself, “why am I so sensitive?” listen up. Whether that thought is popping up in your head during a tense argument with your partner, on the tail end of a work 1:1 where your boss gave you mostly glowing praise and one reasonable piece of constructive criticism, or over text when your group chat sends a simple “thumbs up” reaction instead of a “ha ha,” just know that you’re not alone. You may be a highly sensitive person, or HSP. As psychotherapist Kelley Brower, LMHC, explains: the term comes about from research psychologist Elaine Aron, PhD, who believed that 15-20% of the population in the U.S. are considered “highly sensitive people” — a classification that includes people from all cultures and socio-economic backgrounds, Brower says. And while it’s got a nifty acronym, being an HSP isn’t an actual clinical diagnosis — meaning “A highly sensitive person is someone with the trait of high sensitivity. So it isn’t a clinical diagnosis, rather, a personality trait,” as therapist Amanda Arciero, LCSW, explains.

But how does that help explain the 3 a.m. Googling of “why am I so sensitive”? Part of it, as clinical psychologist Jenny Yip, PsyD, explains, is that emotionally sensitive individuals tend to have more rigid thinking patterns. “People who have more flexibility in their thinking are able to come to other conclusions of what other people might mean when they do or say certain things,” Dr. Yip says. A person who is highly sensitive, however, often believes that the motive behind another person’s actions and words is highly personal.

“People who are emotionally sensitive tend to personalize, blame, and be self-critical, and judgmental.” —Jenny Yip, PsyD

“People who are emotionally sensitive tend to personalize, blame, and be self-critical, and judgmental,” says Dr. Yip. “They can often have a lot of social anxiety about being perceived in a negative light.” Because of this, she explains that highly-sensitive people often feel hurt emotionally. “It is a temperament, yes, but it’s also due to environmental factors that have reinforced your sensitivity,” says Dr. Yip. Think: abusive relationships and neglectful parents, among other situations.

To further explain why some people are more sensitive than others, we reached out to several experts to break down reasons why, causes for being highly sensitive, how to be less sensitive (if you’d like to be), and more.

Causes for being highly sensitive

As for the actual “why am I so sensitive” part of things — there are a few potential causes:

1. Early experiences

“If you grew up in an environment where emotions were heightened or frequently dismissed, your brain might have adapted to be extra sensitive to emotional cues,” therapist Cheryl Groskopf, LMFT, LPCC, explains.

2. Family dynamics

Likewise, Groskopf also explains that “if you were raised in a chaotic or unstable home, your body might have adapted by becoming more sensitive to changes and potential threats.” This, she adds, “is your nervous system’s way of keeping you safe, even long after the immediate danger is gone.”

3. Genetics

“Sensitivity is a temperament that we are born with; it is part of our genetic makeup” says Brower. Psychologist Alison Tarlow, PsyD, agrees, adding that “some studies point to a genetic component in how the stimuli we receive are processed.”

How to be less sensitive

1. Body scanning

This is a method that Groskopf recommends as it prevents your nervous system from becoming overwhelmed. To do this, you “regularly check in with your body to identify areas of tension,” she explains.

2. Mindful movement

Groskopf also adds that “practices like yoga or Tai Chi help regulate your nervous system as well.” Engaging in mindful movement practices like these may not only help your mind, but your body as well.

3. Somatic therapy

If you can, Groskopf also recommends working with a somatic therapist to increase body awareness. Therapist Stacy Thiry, LMHC adds that “grounding exercises along with mindfulness and meditation can help manage emotional reactivity,” as these somatic experiences “allow HSPs to access and release any stored stress or trauma in the body which will help to regulate the nervous system.”

4. Self care and hobbies

“Self-care and hobbies provide a safe routine and outlet for expressing feelings,” Thiry also says. By focusing on such hobbies, highly sensitive people may be able to channel their energies in creative and productive ways.

5. Downtime and solitude

Brower adds that “sensitive friends typically crave more downtime and solitude.” This may also be why introversion vs emotional sensitivity can be hard to distinguish for highly sensitive people.

6. Healthy and regular sleep and exercise

Thiry notes that adequate sleep and exercise can “promote balance and overall wellness, so highly sensitive people may not feel as easily destabilized by environmental stressors.” Dr. Tarlow also adds that regular exercise can improve mood and reduce stress sensitivity by releasing endorphins, which create relaxation.

7. Changes to your environment

For those who might get overstimulated by noise or lighting, Arciero recommends environmental changes such as Loop earplugs or softer lighting.

8. Boundaries

“Sensitive people often have an extremely hard time setting boundaries,” says Brower. Therefore, setting boundaries early on (before you really need to enforce them) can help protect you from feeling more sensitive and hurt later on. Dr. Tarlow also adds that “learning to say no and setting boundaries protect one from overstimulation and reduce stress.”

9. Therapy

No matter what kind of therapy you choose, Thiry says that working with a professional “can help reshape unhelpful perspectives or interpretations of a HSP’s environment,” and that “validation of experiences and feelings is a powerful tool for managing hyper-sensitivity as it allows the HSPs reaction to feel heard and soothed.

10. Flip the script

Psychotherapist Melissa Tract, LCSW encourages people to flip the script when it comes to being a highly sensitive person. “Sensitivity is not a bad thing,” she explains, adding that “our greatest strengths are our greatest weaknesses. Make this your strength and make it your intention to see it as something awesome. If you do that, it will likely channel itself as a strength of yours.”

Benefits of being more sensitive

1. More empathy

While being highly sensitive may present challenges that make your life more difficult sometimes, it also has benefits. One of these, Groskopf adds, is that being more sensitive may make you more empathetic and able to connect more deeply with others. Arciero also adds that “being highly sensitive can be an incredible strength. We are keenly aware of our surroundings, have a deep appreciation for nature and beauty, [are] incredibly insightful, and experience a depth of emotions.”

2. Stronger intuition

Thiry also adds that “intuition for HSPs is heightened and they are usually able to perceive things in advance regarding a ‘gut feeling’ or nervous system reaction,” compared to what may otherwise be undetectable in someone else. The key here is to listen to your gut feeling or intuition without letting your emotions control you.

3. More creativity

“Oftentimes HSPs have a higher sensitivity to and appreciation for beauty, art, nature, and enhanced ability to savor sensory experiences,” Thiry says. The sensitivity of an HSP “can sharpen creativity and attention to detail, a characteristic that is beneficial in most walks of life, both personal and profession,” adds Dr. Tarlow.

4. Attention to detail

Part of the way an HSP’s mind works differently is by picking up more, says Dr. Aron, who coined the term HSP and is author of The Highly Sensitive Person: How To Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. So, while HSPs can, at times, overanalyze a situation for something it’s not, they can also pick up on subtleties that may, very well, hint that something is amiss. An HSP’s “brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply,” she says. While noticing more can undoubtedly lead to feelings of overstimulation at times, it can also open you up to more experiences, thoughts, and feelings, that could potentially make for a more memorable life.

How to manage your high sensitivity

Sometimes you just want to learn how to live with being a more sensitive person without toning down your sensitivity antennae. This makes sense, as being a highly sensitive person can be difficult, since it often makes a person feel like a target—or, worse, an outcast. That’s because it’s easy to overanalyze each and every person’s thoughts, intentions, and actions in life. With that in mind, Dr. Yip says that the best way to manage being highly sensitive is to maintain perspective. “You have to be mindful that perspective is only 9/10ths of reality,” she says. “Your perspective is just one of many other possibilities for why someone else would say or do X, Y, or Z.”

Not sure how to be mindful and keep perspective when you feel hurt, attacked, scared, or any other negative emotion? Dr. Yip says to start by looking inward and, if that doesn’t work, consider having an assertive conversation to help fizzle out any negative thoughts or feelings.

“Instead of jumping to your own conclusions, which may not be accurate of what the other person intended to say or do, give them the benefit of the doubt and think of what other reasons this person might be behaving or saying these things,” she suggests. “If you are still confused, perhaps have a conversation with the person about it to gain more clarity.”

Being highly sensitive isn’t a singular experience. Dr. Aron says that it’s not something that can be easily controlled (or avoided), as it’s innate. “This trait reflects a certain type of survival strategy, being observant before acting,” she says. “The brains of highly sensitive persons actually work a little differently than others’.”

When to seek professional help

“To be frank, the world is not exactly set up in a way that suits the HSP,” says Arciero. Therefore, “if you’re finding it to be challenging to exist in your life due to your high sensitivity, reaching out for help could be extremely beneficial,” she says. If you find stimuli overwhelming to the point of interference with work, routine, self-care, or relationships, it may also be a good time to seek therapy, Thiry says.

Another sign it may be time to seek professional help is if you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship. Arciero explains that HSPs tend to find themselves in these relationships “due to their ability to find the good in everyone, so if you’re questioning the health of your romantic or interpersonal relationships, that might be a good sign to reach out for help as well.”

Bottom line, “seek professional help when it feels like your sensitivity is in control of you and your life versus you feeling in control of you and your sensitivity,” says Tract. “You will know when it feels like too much, and that’s when reaching out for help is vital,” she adds.

FAQs

How to deal with being a highly sensitive person?

The best way to deal with being a highly sensitive person is to respect your own boundaries, Groskopf says. “Make sure to set and communicate clear limits on what you can handle emotionally and physically. This helps protect your nervous system from becoming overwhelmed and keeps you feeling balanced and in control.”

Do sensitive people cry often?

“HSPs experience feelings more intensely and process experiences more deeply,” Thiry explains. Therefore, “most have less tolerance for distress and their nervous system can become dysregulated more easily. Oftentimes, even positive experiences can produce tears from strong emotions.” she adds. Good news for all of us who have wondered “why am I so sensitive” after tearing up from both bad and good events.

Are highly sensitive people autistic?

“No, being highly sensitive is not the same as being autistic,” explains Groskopf. “Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder, whereas high sensitivity is a personality trait, ” she explains.

However, “we certainly see it often that someone who is autistic can also be highly sensitive and there are those who are highly sensitive and are not autistic,” Tract says. That being said, there are also “people who are autistic who actually aren’t highly sensitive and may actually be more on the opposite end of the spectrum of [sensitivity],” she adds.

Is being over sensitive a disorder?

Likewise, “being highly sensitive is not a disorder,” Groskopf says, adding that “it’s a trait that comes with both challenges and strengths. However, if your sensitivity leads to anxiety or depression, it’s important to address those issues with a professional.”

How can I stop being so sensitive?

A combination of strategies and coping skills such as body scanning, mindful movement, somatic therapy, self-care, alone time, regular sleep and exercise, environmental changes, boundaries, and therapy may be able to help you stop being so sensitive.