Why ‘Dry Texting’ Can Kill the Mood So Quickly—and How to Resurrect It, According to Therapists and Experts

Dry texting basically refers to when texting suddenly gets boring, or “dries up” in an otherwise exciting and bouncy conversation where both parties are putting in equal effort. Once one party’s answers start to fall into “K” and simple thumbs-up reactions to things, it can be said that the conversation is turning dry.

However, dry texting doesn’t necessarily mean the end of your relationship/talking stage/situationship, nor does it equal a red flag…necessarily. “The way someone treats you is more a reflection of them than you,” says Briana Paruolo, LCMHC and founder of On Par Therapy NYC, adding that “some people simply prefer in-person connecting as opposed to texting.” Beyond personal preference, there are many reasons dry texting might pop up in a conversation, and there are equally as many ways to gently nudge the conversation alive again if you’d like. To help soothe your worries, we asked therapists and relationship experts for the scoop on all things dry texting.

“The way someone treats you is more a reflection of them than you.” —Briana Paruolo, LCMHC, psychotherapist, founder of On Par Therapy NYC

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What is dry texting?

“Dry texting occurs when the expected or ‘normal’ flow of conversation begins to change,” explains Paruolo. “This might look like one party in the text conversation being slower with response times and appearing less engaged,” as Paruolo adds, or can be when responses become short, concise, and around one to four words, as sexologist and relationship therapist Sofie Roos, expert at Passionerad.se adds.

Dry texting gets its name from the tenor of the conversation suddenly turning dry, or drying up. It’s not related to actual, physical dryness (like, the kind where you need to treat dry hands from overwashing them—hi, flu season), or alcohol dryness (like, being sober curious), or drying as in washing and drying clothes (though, if you need explainers on laundry symbol meanings, we’ve got you covered.)

What are some examples of dry texting?

Some examples of dry texting can include things like longer response times, minimal reciprocation in conversation, and appearing less engaged, Paruolo says. Other examples might include if someone receives a very short answer “that can appear rude, nonchalant, impolite, or just not as exciting and on the same level as [the other person’s] enthusiastic message,” Roos adds.

Roos brings up scenarios such as if one person texted, “Do you want to hang out later?” and their texting partner responded with a concise “Not today” without any further explanation or attempt to reschedule. Another scenario Roos suggests would be if the initial texter sent something like “Hey, did you see that new movie/album/series coming out soon” in an attempt to start a conversation, only to receive a “yes” or “no” without any further attempt to continue the conversation.

Signs your texting is turning dry

If your conversations with this person have always been short and concise, you may not need to worry, Roos says. It really all depends on whether or not this behavior is new and out of the ordinary from the rhythm that you are otherwise used to with this person.

However, if you find that texting is now suddenly reduced to them simply “liking,” thumbs-up-ing, or sending one-word answers to long, drawn-out paragraphs from you (when they once met your energy with similar texts), this may be a sign your texting is turning dry. If you’re sending lots of open-ended questions, asking to hang out, or otherwise thoughtful messages only to find you’re suddenly being left on delivered: it may be a sign that your texting has turned dry.

Why is dry texting a problem?

Dry texting can be especially confusing if there are no other non-verbal cues beyond “sure,” “cool,” or “that’s fine,” as it can leave the recipient “unsure of where they stand and the tone the message was sent in, says relationship therapist Elizabeth Earnshaw, LMFT, cofounder of premarital counseling platform Ours.

Basically, there’s nothing inherently wrong with dry texting if say, both people are cool and happy with that level of communication. The only potential problem with dry texting is if it makes one person confused or unsure about communication and the relationship at large.

Why would someone choose to dry text?

1. They might just be busy

It bears saying that there’s always the potential that someone really is truly just busy and doesn’t have the time to add more nuance to their texts, or simply feels like texting should only be for basic messages (like the time they’ll be arriving somewhere) and nothing more, says Earnshaw. In that case, they might not even realize that their texts could be read as emotionless or robotic. “The way that these straightforward messages sound in their head might be much more friendly than they’re actually coming across,” says Earnshaw.

2. They might have social anxiety

It’s also possible that the dry texter might struggle with communicating via text to the point where they only feel comfortable sharing short responses. “Dry texters may suffer from social anxiety and have a difficult time communicating their thoughts and feelings via written word,” says psychotherapist Anita Astley, LMFT, author of Unf*ck Your Life and Relationships.

3. They might be trying to distance themselves on purpose

Personal reasons aside, however, it’s also possible that the dry texting is a reflection of how they view your relationship. After all, the most villainized of dry texts is the now-infamous “k” (literally, an abbreviation of the abbreviation OK) because of the nearly nonexistent effort it requires to send. Other dry texts could be used similarly by someone unwilling to pour any real effort into the conversation—and by extension, the relationship, says Astley: “It could be their way of distancing themselves from you by sabotaging successful communication.”

In that way, dry texting can veer toward passive-aggressive behavior. Rather than simply telling you that they’re disinterested or expressing their grievances directly, the dry texter may be “withholding their end of the conversation as a means to indirectly express their anger or upset,” says Astley.

Why dry texting is so frustrating

In plenty of cases, dry texts are annoying simply because of the fact that they lack context, leaving you questioning what’s really being said. But in other cases, you might not doubt the intent of the text (for example, a long-term friend’s “sure” probably just means “sure”), and yet still feel frustrated by what's said (and unsaid).

Part of the reason why has to do with the expectation of reciprocity in a healthy relationship. If you’re sending lengthy, descriptive texts filled with emojis, and a friend or partner is replying with short, dry texts, it can feel like they’re not putting as much effort into the interaction as you are, says psychiatrist Nina Vasan, MD, MBA, chief medical officer at mental wellness platform Real. “This can leave you feeling like you aren’t a priority and that your desire to communicate and connect with the other person is one-sided.”

Even if you don’t expect them to fully reciprocate with texts that are equally detailed as yours, you may feel like their curt responses are dismissing what you have to say. In this scenario, your initial text is what relationship researcher John Gottman calls a “bid” for connection (aka the things we do to connect with others, like sharing a story or asking a question), and the dry response to it feels like the person is turning away from or ignoring the bid, says Earnshaw.

“When someone ignores one of our bids for connection, it can be distressing to the part of us that wants to securely attach to them,” Earnshaw says. Even if it would be highly out of character for this person to ignore you in real life, it can still feel disheartening for them to seemingly brush off a text of yours with a quick response.

This could also be particularly triggering “if you’ve been conditioned to interpret the silent treatment or minimal expression of thoughts and feelings as a way of expressing upset,” says Astley, adding that “if your parents gave you the silent treatment or reduced communication to express anger and negative feelings, then you’re more likely to carry that into adulthood and make assumptions about others when confronted with similar experiences.”

How to prevent dry texting

1. First of all, establish whether they like texting as a communication form — and if they have the time for it

Before you start diving into tactics for getting a dry texter to be more chatty, it’s important to connect with this person and ask a couple questions—namely, whether they actually like texting and have time to text whenever you’ve been reaching out to them, says Earnshaw. If the answer to either question is “no,” you’d be better off determining a communication “middle ground,” she says, where you’re texting a little less and they’re responding with a little more vigor.

In this conversation with the dry texter, it may also be helpful to “directly name how their current communication style is being received by you,” says Dr. Vasan. They may not realize that their texting style is making you feel unheard or unappreciated, and just in learning that, could be inspired to get a little more verbose in their replies.

2. Talk about expectations

From there, you can also set clear communication expectations for texting, so that you’re both on the same page, says Astley. “For example, you might decide that one-letter, one-word, and/or one-emoji responses are not acceptable for you, and that you’ll disengage from the conversation if you receive responses in this manner.”

3. Model the kind of texting you enjoy yourself

On your end, you can also model the kind of texting that you’d ideally like to receive, and craft your own texts around things that tend to drum up engagement, like pictures, gifs, or even voice memos, says Dr. Vasan. “Similarly, you could also send articles or links to things on social media that made you think of them and ask open-ended questions, which typically encourage longer and more engaged responses,” she says. There’s also the chance that by showing them the kind of texting you enjoy, they might be able to match your energy through mirroring communication technique.

4. Don’t lose too much sleep if texting turns dry again from time to time

In any case, however, it’s important to keep in mind that texting is still just one form of communicating—and an inherently lacking one, at that. If a partner or friend doesn’t or won’t compensate for the lack of nuance that texting entails, that’s also all the more reason to connect with them more often in other ways (which we could all do more of, anyway).

In the same vein, if texting begins to feel dry, “please know it is not your fault,” Paruolo says. “You don’t have to prove your worthiness for someone to be more engaged and reciprocal,” she says.

When it’s time to give up

“Take a moment and ask yourself ‘does this inspire me or tire me?’” Paruolo says. “If you feel more distressed and uncertain about the conversation taking place, it might be a sign to step back,” she adds. If the conversation (or lack thereof) is causing you more distress, anxiety, and general unhappiness than the relationship, it may be time to have a more serious conversation about the tone and frequency of your texts or conversations and how they impact your feeling of security or communication in the relationship.

When deciding whether or not it’s truly time to give up, Paruolo also notes that it’s important to view the relationship as a whole, and not just the texting portion. “Are there other areas that feel more satisfying?” If the texting is bad, but you genuinely love spending in-person time with this person (and you see them enough in-person that the texting is just a small portion of it), you shouldn’t give up on them just because they dry text.

FAQs

What does dry texting mean?

Dry texting refers to when a text conversation between two people turns “dry” or otherwise less detailed, frequent, or exciting than previous conversations.

Is dry texting rude?

Not always. Sometimes people are busy, unable to text, or have social anxiety. However, in some other cases, it could potentially be a sign that someone is trying to distance themselves from you. However, if someone is suddenly dry texting as a purposeful form of ghosting, this can be considered rude, as Roos says.

Are they a dry texter or just not interested?

The best way to determine if someone is dry texting you as a way of distancing themselves from you or if they are simply busy is to communicate with them and hear from themselves what they’re thinking. After all, life can get busy.

Is not texting back a red flag?

Not texting back is not always a red flag. Sometimes it could mean that the other person simply didn’t feel the need to send an answer back to a text, sometimes it could mean they’re otherwise busy. However, if someone consistently ignores your text messages or “bids” for connection, then it may be indicative of another issue.